Undecorating

I suppose I am one of the few people who takes down the Christmas decorations before the New Year arrives. As far back as I can remember,  I always have.  By then, the tree has probably been up for three weeks, and that's long enough for me.  By then, it is dropping needles.   Oh, how I hate the process of removing the tree, and getting all those needles on the carpet,  especially our current white carpet!   My experience is that a vacuum just won't pick them up, so sweeping, picking is a very time consuming process.  Clearly, evergreens belong outside!

Un-Christmas decorating is usually not something I do all at once.  Different Christmas items disappear a few at a time, and are placed in their respective boxes until next year.  When the living room was put back together with chairs in their proper places,  Gerry commented that it looks plain.  And he is right.  But by the time I rush to fill up the plainness,  I will have grown accustomed to it, and not want to change it.

 I like for New Year's to begin with a "clean slate".   And I also am quite fond of the regular life routine,  meaning specifically,  over the holiday season the television programming leaves much to be desired.  I'll be happy to see some new ones of my old favorite shows again.

Most of all, I do love seeing my family and cooking the holiday meal.  At the moment, the dining room is filled completely to capacity with the table and twelve people.  But we figured out what to do when the number increases, which surely it will, with either a significant other, or a new grandchild.   We'll bring the table out into the open area in the great room, and just add a table to the end of it.  That'll work.

It was on this day forty years ago that I gave birth to my first born child,  who was named Brenda.  Forty years!  That's hard to fathom. Probably as much for her as for me.  We've done well together, this mother and child,  enjoying one another.  

Life goes on.  Speedily!

967 Across 963 Down

This blog's title is the actual number of clues!  This is a crosswords puzzle for the ages,  the newspaper puzzle on Christmas Day!!  Four or five family members worked on it on Christmas Day while they were here.  I worked on it last night at midnight while Gerry was asleep, and this morning while he is skiing.  He worked on it last night when I was doing other things.  It may well be a week-long puzzle!

The puzzle clues themselves are not very difficult.  There are other challenges.  The first is the size of the clue numbers.  Even my bifocals have a hard time deciphering a 833 from a 883 down.  The next big challenge is keeping your place.   When your eye leaves the puzzle to go in search of the clue,  by the time you have found the clue, you have completely forgotten exactly where the place is on the puzzle you were working.  You could hold you place with your finger,  but when working on puzzles, one is typically looking up nearby clues as well, to confirm what you think the answer is.  This becomes impossible, as there is no sequence of fingers and eye movement that can hold all that together.  And the move from the across section to the down section is a many numbered nightmare.

We keep the puzzle out laying on the counter for whoever wants to undertake solving it.  The page is much bigger than the counter, so that complicates things further.  Since we eat at the table, that would not be a good place to store the evolving crossroad torturer.

One could simply toss it into the recycle bin, I suppose.   It's a temptation. But no one has.  It seems the temptation to solve it is stronger. I do hope this Christmas Day puzzle is a once in a lifetime newspaper inclusion and not an annual event!

That would be too much to bear!  Sigh.

The Day After

Today is officially the day after Christmas.  It was a happy event, characterized by:  Family, Feast, Fellowship, and Puzzles (of the crossword kind and otherwise).   Now begins the process of putting things away,  uploading pictures,  cleaning up,  taking stock of gifts, etc.

For me, and my own 'personal Christmas history',  I will probably remember it as the first time I've missed Christmas Eve Services in.........well.....as long as I can remember.  I would have been there had I not been sick.  I spent several days literally in bed.  I got up to do the things that absolutely had to be done to be ready, but then collapsed back into bed. Fluish, no energy.

Today, I have taken my new sewing machine out of its box, and have watched the instructional DVD.  There was only one 'new piece of information'.  All the rest was totally familiar.  The new feature which I have never had before---an automatic needle threader!   And just in time.  It has become much harder for me to thread a needle these days!  I look forward to many delightful hours of projects, and I might even make my Christmas gifts for next year!    (From the look of things,  Gerry is going to have as much fun making me a sewing room, as I am going to have sewing!)

The homemade whole wheat rolls I made for dinner were such a hit, however, maybe that is the gift I should make and give next time!

Goodbye Christmas 2010.  Already a thing of the past.

The Third Act

I have just been listening to a conversation between Oprah Winfrey and Jane Fonda.   According to Fonda, act one of life is birth to 29;  act two is 30 to fifty nine; and act three is 60 and over. Act One is all about formation.   Act Two is when one is working, producing, creating.   Act three is characterized by knowing who you are,  by being wise, hopefully, being healed and whole (certainly the life goal).

All of this would lead one to believe that by the time one is in the third act of life, it's time to get it right,  have it straight.  It's time to work on the "bucket list".   Or to set right things right that have gone awry.   To speak up.  To stop trying to please everyone else.  To know what to leave behind.  To connect.

Being Sixty Plus is certainly all about being in Act Three.   However,  I do believe that when the production is over and the final curtain falls, there is more.

And it could very well be the best part.

Almost Christmas

The stockings are hung by the chimney with care.  Well, not really.  But the meat is out of the freezer and in the fridge.   The groceries have been purchased.  The presents are wrapped.  There is menu plan involving all sorts of rich dishes.   Everyone has been invited to come, and hopefully will.

Yo and Matt will arrive late on Christmas Eve.  We will go to the Candlelight Service at church, as always.  It's funny,  as a retired clergy person,  I have never missed preaching at Christmas. I'm an Easter preacher, so that may be why. And ironically enough,  I was working in churches in both 2009 and 2010 so that I  did get to participate during the Lent and Easter seasons. The day may come when I am just a parishioner in the pew,  but that day has not yet happened for Easter.

I always got so nervous on Christmas Eve.  I think that is because I felt so much pressure to deliver a meaningful, memorable, and unmistakably spiritual service and sermon (over against the hugely secular buildup). And also, perhaps because there were always so many people there whom I did not know.

Now Christmas is so much easier, and it is mostly about family.  For all the years of ministry,  I was so exhausted on Christmas Day that I could barely get through it.

I do have a wonderful memory of Christmas 1981, the first one Gerry and I spent together.  There was a magical moment there in the midst of the carol singing and the candle lighting.  It was a moment of suspended love so palatable that it could almost knock you over.

And that's kind of what Christmas was and is all about anyway---a love so tender and divine that it was only suitable for a newborn.

Merry Christmas and Peace to all God's children.

Dinner With Friends

Last night we had a lovely dinner with friends who invited us and another couple.  I am giving a presentation on Thursday night at church, and the hosting couple will not be there, so I know they wanted to socialize and hear a bit of "my story", which they will miss.

Then came the question:  "Nancy, what do you do to occupy your time?"  That's always a difficult question for me to answer.  I am pretty much occupied much of the time,  but it is not very interesting to talk about.  Reading a book.   Ironing a shirt.  Shopping for groceries, and perhaps more often than not:  Having  Lunch or Dinner With Friends!  Other people's 'occupations' sound so much more interesting.  Like Gerry's!  He can brag about skiing all the time, or playing tennis, or going into the office.

But the truth is,  'having lunch with friends' and 'socializing' is exactly the kind of life I wanted to have in retirement.  Church life has many many church functions with meals to attend,  but that is quite different from having dinner with friends.  Church functions is part of 'work'.  And nurturing old friends and making new ones was also part of my dreams and hopes.   So, I suppose the truth is---I am occupied by doing all the things I had hoped to do!

We enjoyed a lovely evening with plenty of good conversation, delicious food,  and lots of laughter.   Nothing is better than that!

At Home

I would observe, as I go through the process of 'becoming a retired person',  that it takes time to learn to just be at home.  For a time, there is the urge to be doing something, accomplishing something.  There is a bit of guilt at not making a larger contribution to the world, on a daily basis.  I am learning to just be happy being at home. I can sleep late, stay up late, go and do wherever or whatever I wish.  I am still learning to just 'be in the moment'.

There are so many things about our home to enjoy.  It is a lovely space to occupy, for a whole host of reasons.  The living area (great room) is an open and bright and airy space.  In warmer weather,  there is a sun room, which is like being outside, while still being inside.  The kitchen is roomy and overlooks the great room.  When we first bought this house, I remember thinking how this would be such a happy home to live in.   And it is.

I am always proud to host people in our home.  This year I have been in the homes of countless other people, for various reasons.  As far as home style goes, I would say ours is 'sparse', meaning there is more open space than things, which is a style choice.  No matter how grand or how beautifully appointed someone else's house may be,  there is not any other that I have any desire to occupy.

Home is deeply personal.  It reflects one's values, one's choices, preferences, lifestyle.   I do hope ours says that we are warm and inviting,  simple and elegant,  orderly and open.  I think it does.

Unique Cantata

Today's Cantata at church was probably the most unusual I have seen.  It was as much of a dramatic production as it was a musical cantata.  There were all the usual characters of The Nativity (its title) and  also in full costume, a cow, a sheep, a goat.   If I try to explain why this cantata was so unusual, I would have to peel back a number of layers, look at a variety of elements.

 First, it was musically complex with complicated parts to sing, often in minor key.  We were sitting near the pianist, and there was one place in particular where she had to create special effects for a disturbing scene  (Herod has ordered all newborns killed).  She played bass notes with her left hand, and used her entire right arm and smashed all the keys on the right side of the piano.  Very effective!!.

Second, it was dramatically complex, with the choir and the characters moving to various locations as the story progressed.  Even the storytellers moved from one place to another, and they were also members of the choir.  There were combinations of the choir singing and characters speaking.  Particularly noteworthy was the character of Herod (that was certainly some perfect casting)!  The choir (the people of Judea) are singing about the one who is coming to be their king, and Herod is yelling  "I'm the king of the Jews!"  repeatedly throughout the number.  It was most dynamic!

The person who wrote the narrative parts intentionally and unabashedly used humor.  For example, when it got to the part where Mary announces that she is with child,  one of the storytellers steps up and talks to the audience:  "This is the part nobody likes."    Joseph says:  'How do you think I feel?'   A little later, as the action moves forward,  Joseph looks out at the audience and says:  "Why am I in this story anyway?"  [Later that question is answered. He helps Mary and the baby escape to Egypt]   Parts of the "play" could be described as melodrama,  which is characterized by the actors stepping out of their roles, to comment on what was happening.

The costumes were extraordinary, Broadway-worthy.   Hats off to the director and the accompanist! There was so much music and movement to coordinate! There were thirty two choir members and actors, and a great deal of talent all around. Thrown into the mix were chimes and bells,  snare and cymbal,  handbells and French horn.

What an engaging and moving and memorable Christmas Cantata!

Having Time

I have entitled this "having time" but that is probably a misnomer.  Everyone has the exact same amount of time in their lives---twenty four hours a day.  The demands on one's time differ with each individual, and differ significantly at various stages in our lives.

At my current stage,  I can really appreciate taking the time to do things I have not previously done or done well or enjoyed.  For instance, when I was raising a family and working full time,  ironing was not at the top of my list.  I learned to avoid wrinkles in clothing by taking them out of the dryer while the dryer was still going around.  My family was mostly wrinkle free,  but I did not iron. Now that I have lots of time,  I actually enjoy that task. I could take Gerry's shirts to the cleaners,  but I have a good iron, lots of time, and ironing brings me pleasure.

 When I was in my youth,  I did learn the rudiments of sewing,  but I was always in a rush, and impatient, so I was not able to produce a really good quality apron, or other homemade items.    Now, I can take my time   perhaps I can learn to enjoy sewing.  I hope so, because that is a new hobby in which I want to engage in, a way to be creative.

Time is, of course, a human invention. In the olden days, the passage of time was marked by the movement of the sun and moon. I am sure that keeping track of increments of time in hours and minutes did not yet exist.  Time as we know it today is finite----just so many hours in a day, so many in a week, so many in a life.  In our modern world,  there is the inclination to cram as much into a day as humanly possible.  The irony is that makes time fly by,  puts our lives on fast forward.

  I don't believe it has to be that way.  If we did not compulsively keep track of it,  time would flow more easily, be more circular than linear,  not own us and box us in to a limited view of our existence.

Infinity is a concept that refers to a quality without bound or end, "unboundedness".   Various ideas throughout history have developed about the nature of infinity, primarily in mathematics and physics. There is also the cosmic question. Does infinity exist in our physical universe?  Does the universe have volume?  Does space go on forever?

Is time infinite?  Does it go on forever? Can one really go back to the future, so to speak?   And can one navigate time in the same manner as one can navigate the topography of Earth--meaning that if one travels in a straight line, one will eventually return to the the exact spot one started from.

What if time and the universe are the same?

 At this stage of my life I "have time" to think about all these outrageous questions.  I just have one major conclusion for today:   I would prefer to have time, rather than time having me!

A Walk Down Memory Lane

Today I traveled to a nearby town to do a little Christmas shopping.  The route took me by the high school, where the district office used to be, where Gerry and I attended school board meetings (before we were married).  Something about seeing the school brought back memories of how things were in my life back then, and in particular,  the school superintendent's thoughts about our marriage.  He was clearly a skeptic.   I am sure there were plenty of skeptical people. (We were public figures by virtue of being on the School Board).

Back then,  I was a single parent with three small children.  I was also economically at just about poverty level, though I did not think of myself as poor.  In the eyes of others, marrying Gerry certainly appeared to be a "step up"  (out of my lower middle class to his upper middle class perhaps).   He was a college professor.  I was a struggling single parent, though I did have a good job and beautiful children, and the respect of my colleagues.   Still, I am sure that some perceived me to be a 'gold digger'.

The reality is that both of us have contributed mightily and equally to create a very rich life.  Are lives are immensely enriched by our families--children and grandchildren. We have friends and acquaintances from the university where Gerry worked for almost forty years.  We have special friends from the churches where I have served. We now have new friends and activities in a new community where we have chosen to live.  There are also ski buddies and tennis partners.

 It is certainly true that marrying Gerry back then provided some measure of stability, a better house to live in,   financial security, and no longer living on the edge of economic disaster or worse.  But when I look back at our thirty years or so together, our lives have not at all been defined by that initial reality, and I have not been one who has 'ridden on his economic coattails'.  Quite to the contrary.

The first fifteen years we lived in the house that Gerry provided.  The next fifteen years, we lived in the houses that my ministry provided.  Now, we live in the house that both our careers have made possible.  Now we have new activities and friends in the community where we have chosen to retire.

Back then, when we first met at those board of education meetings long ago,  neither of us could have imagined the blessed and amazing life we have now.

And at the time, it was really and truly no more complicated than this:  We feel in love!

And that has endured!

Planning A Trip

Gerry (and I??) feels like we should travel.  We have the time, the freedom, the abilities, and the resources to do so.  He is interested in seeing the Grand Canyon.  We also talked about Minnesota, or Missouri.  We have been having discussions about the location, the purpose, the kind of transportation, the goals of planning a trip.   Flying versus taking a train versus driving.

Our last thought:  a road trip!  I have spent a good part of the past couple of days researching places on line---estimating the number of miles we might travel each day,  where we might stay, etc.   About seven days in a car, traveling is about my limit.   In St. Paul, Minnesota, we would want to see a Garrison Keillor show.  The schedule doesn't list the shows as far in advance as May, our identified travel time.

We have also often talked about going on an 'already planned' trip---a tour or adventure as part of a group, so that all we have to do is show up (and someone else has done all the planning).  A brochure came in today's mail about such a trip to explore several countries of central Europe, via the Danube River.  That looked interesting.  If a brochure came in the mail with just the right trip,  we would surely take it, we say to ourselves.  So far, that hasn't happened.

Actually, 'just the right trip' is probably Australia.  We have often said, over the years, that is a place we would like to go.  If that is the trip we really want to take, we need to plan that in the next year or two.  One needs to be in pretty good shape for that kind of an undertaking.

We will at least make the first step toward such a possibility----renew my passport!    After that, who knows?

Gifts of the Magi

I am preaching on the first Sunday of January 2011, and the scripture selection for that day happens to be about the arrival of the wise men on the scene,  bringing gifts to the Christ child.  In preparing for this service, I remembered a lovely gift given to me Christmas 2008 by the then director of music.   It is a beautiful box, which when opened up, has three sections inside filled with gold, frankincense and myrrh. (the gold is enclosed in a thick circular globe.)   I remember thinking at the time.....this is awesome--it would make a great message for children,  but alas, I was retiring, and had no more Christmas Season children's messages ahead, as far as I knew.

Lo, three years later, the opportunity emerges.  As I looked at my lovely box of the three gifts,  I decided I needed to do some research on those items, in order to give an informed message.   I already knew one aspect of the story.  The three gifts were gifts fit for a king, a priest, and a savior.   Gold for the king.  Frankincense for the priest, and myrrh for the savior. Frankincense has typically been used as an incense and myrrh has been used, for one thing, as an embalming material.  (a gift for a savior who was destined to die).   Both myrrh and frankincense have other uses as well. They have been used in religious ceremonies, often for anointing.

 They have been used for perfume and for a variety of medicinal purposes.  They come from tree resin,  and one particular species of tree which grows in Israel produces a resin, which when mixed with oil, becomes the Balm of Gilead. Myrrh in particular is believed to have significant healing properties.   In the ancient world, frankincense and myrrh were equal in value to gold.

My research revealed one other little tidbit of information that I found amazing.  An intentional gash has to be made in the tree, for it to "bleed" and produce the resin used for healing.  I immediately thought of the cross.  Theologically,  it is the Christian understanding that through Christ's sacrifice (bleeding) we are healed.

So not only do the three gifts brought to the Christ child foreshadow the different roles, titles, ways of understanding who Christ was/is  [cosmic king, high priest, savior of humanity], but the gifts also mysteriously link to the death of Jesus on the cross.  Myrrh and frankincense come from trees---trees that are injured, so they can produce healing.

The small pieces of resin  pictured below, are called 'tears'.  

What a story!!

Still Unsettled

It has been two and a half years now since my retirement from full time ministry.  And I do have to admit, that in my mind, my relationship with both ministry and the church is still unsettled.   With the ministry it is unsettled,  because I still love to preach.  (Unfortunately, that privilege only comes with the full responsibilities of a church, which I do not want).  So I am conflicted there.  But I suppose when it comes to my relationship with the church, I have probably always been conflicted.

 As a child, I didn't love being a preacher's kid. Yet, I was formed and shaped by the church experience. As a fully ordained minister, there were parts I didn't care for (capital campaigns, financial challenges, PA systems, major maintenance, statistical reports, etc.)   It is unsettled with the church because I haven't entirely adjusted to just being the person in the pew, nor completely figured out which pew.

Perhaps two and a half years just isn't long enough to remake one's identity.  It certainly took much longer to become that clergyperson!  Maybe unbecoming just takes longer!

Old Man Winter and Fire

Winter came early this year.  We have received two feet of snow the first week or so of December.  Ordinarily, Gerry would be thrilled by this turn of events.  But the ski slopes are not open every day yet,  so mostly he has just been blowing snow out of the driveway and sidewalks.  In fact,  it has been a strenuous task, because there is so much of it!  And the first day it was very wet and heavy.

My lunch date had to be cancelled due to bad roads between here and there.  That was a disappointment.  Our next venture is to put up the Christmas tree.  Gerry was pretty shocked by the fresh tree price this year, and we actually had a conversation about buy an artificial one for next year.  I would be more than happy to do that!  We'll see.

My biggest event of the day was putting out a grease fire on the stove.  It was immediately too large for baking soda, or whatever else I might have tried. But I knew instantly that I needed the fire extinguisher, though I have never used one before.  The fire alarm is screaming loudly.  Gerry is blowing snow and cannot hear it.  I am shooting fire extinguisher stuff (white, powdery) at the stove and making a huge mess!  There was so much smoke I had to open the doors to let it out.   It took quite a while to clean up the mess,  which splattered on the walls, counter and floor.  No fun.  I was only sitting a few feet a way on the couch, thankfully. (glad I wasn't in the study on my computer)  Next time I'll definitely be more careful!

I believe we are due for a bit of a break in the snowfall for a while, a respite before the next storm arrives over the weekend.

The Plow Presentation

Gerry was invited to give a presentation at church on the model plow collection he has been working on.  I was somewhat worried that it would be a topic that would not interest many people, or that they would find boring.  Nothing could be further from the truth!   It was amazing that a number of folks from other communities showed up because of interest in the topic for one reason or another.

As a hobby during retirement,  Gerry has been refurbishing a collection of antique model (miniature) plows, which is a one of a kind collection in the world.   He has translated the descriptions of them from German into English, and has repaired many of the models, as this collection, belonging to the university, was 'lost' for a time and forgotten.

The presentation had two parts.  The first part was about the collection he has been working on.  The second part was about the development of the plow itself from antiquity to modern times.  I must say that even though I've been hearing about plows for a couple of years (and rolling my eyes)  I was even fascinated and captivated by his presentation.  To be honest, he was a hit!

He brought 18 model plows to display, along with his power point presentation.  You just never know what people will find interesting.  There was an excellent turnout at this dinner, and for his presentation.  One woman came because they bought the house that once belonged to Jethrow Wood, a local person known for his invention of replaceable plow parts.  She even wore a plow necklace,  which was quite unique.  Although plows were not Gerry's academic area,  from now own, he is surely going to be known as "the plow guy."  So be it.

The Man To My Right

Last night we attended a dinner event which was held in a Chinese restaurant.   It was a ladies group, plus their spouses, so I had not met most of the spouses, as I am a new member of this group.  Sitting on my right side, at this round table,  was Dan, a man who is blind.  Of course, one is always interested and curious about how a blind person manages to navigate the challenges of life.   Dan's wife guides him as need be, but he also uses a cane.

Perhaps the most fascinating and unexpected thing about Dan was his upbeat and cheerful attitude.  He was personable, outgoing and fun to be around.  Clearly, Dan is a very capable person, currently a professor of English at a nearby community college.  Although the cause or timing of his blindness did not come up in the conversation, I did learn that he was sighted earlier in his life, and lost his sight later.   The result of that is that a later- blinded person is much less likely to learn and use the Braille system-- especially now, with all the technological helpers. (he had a talking watch!)  When a person loses one ability, it is often the case that other abilities become keener, to compensate. Since he teaches,  he has mastered the art of memorizing, and often learns the poems by heart, when doing the poetry unit, and certainly impresses his students!

Dan's wife served his food onto his plate,  but he did a marvelous job of eating without any mishaps.  They did inform the folks at our table of his blindness before dinner, so they would be aware should they see anything out of the ordinary.  I did notice that when he extends his hand for a handshake,  it is a little higher than it might be, but that is of no significance, of course.

At any rate,  I thoroughly enjoyed the man to my right who was engaging, intelligent, and multi-abled.   His warmth and personality definitely made up for his blindness, and he was an inspiration to behold!

Scavenger Hunt

For entertainment,  I decided to challenge the Thanksgiving family gathering with a Scavenger Hunt.  I haven't done one of those in years,  but always enjoy it so much.  "My Version" is to hide a variety of ordinary, everyday objects around the room in plain view.  They are camouflaged by the place they are hiding.   For example,  a white shoe lace was wrapped around the end of a white curtain rod.  All ten of the objects were clearly visible, if one thinks to look there.  But they were very hard to find!

The directions are:  Use your eyes only!  Do not touch anything!  Look up, down, all around,  but do not use your hands.  Everything was pretty much 'hidden' in the one living room area, rather than in multiple rooms.

Boy, they really got into it!.   The "hunt" was held between the meal and dessert,  just for a change of scenery.  My family likes to play games, especially some of them.  I thought it might take 15 minutes, and after 15 minutes I started offering to give clues.   Several of them who were really into the game did not want me to give clues.  Others were begging for them.   Often the 'hidden object' would be right in front of their face and they still would not see it!

 Whoever won would be crowned "the most observant".   After more than half an hour, that honor went to my oldest daughter who finally found all the objects.   It was a fun game!

After that, we enjoyed Emma's birthday party and ice cream cake!  Great time!

Being Beyonce'

The usual television programming isn't playing over the holiday weekend.   My favorite Thursday night shows were not on.  Instead, I watched a show about Beyonce and her I Am...World Tour.  It was a fascinating show and I must say that I admire her for a variety of reasons.

First, I cannot think of any woman who is any more beautiful.  The part I like is that she is beautiful, with curves, without having to be as skinny as a rail.  She has also pretty much been a 'straight arrow',  nothing at all like Britney Spears or Paris Hilton or other young wild celebrities.  In fact,  her mother still travels with her often.  She dated one man for many years before marrying him.  She seems about as grounded as anyone could be, living that kind of hyped up life. Beyonce is the controlling creative force in her mega-productions.   Beauty, brains, and talent.  You just can't top that combination.

Perhaps the part I found the most compelling about Beyonce has to do with how she feels about herself.  She knows clearly that her gifts are from God, and with that confidence, doesn't mind flaunting them.  Her tour is quite flashy and extremely sensual and sexually suggestive. While it might not be a world I could ever imagine myself in,  I can appreciate how much she is comfortable with herself,  "doing what she was put on this earth to do."    And who am I to suggest that is anything other than good?   She sings and dances, is lovely to look at, and makes people happy.  What could be better than that?

Finally, I must say that it is a joy to see someone who enjoys being exactly who they are, using their talents wisely, and being successful.   Tip of the hat to you, Beyonce!

Dream List

From as far back as I can remember,  I have had a "dream list", or a list of goals.  I remember that something motivated me to make such a list when I was in my early twenties. While I do not remember what inspired it, one of the things on 'my list' was 'serving on the board of education'.  It was that goal that ultimately led me to the love of my life, Gerry.  (which is where we met).

Later, while in seminary and awaiting an appointment to whatever church I would serve, I made a dream list of all the characteristics I wanted that appointment/church to have.  And when it occurred,  it had every single characteristic described on the list!   The exact same thing happened with my "dream house" list.  Out of fourteen items on the list, the only thing that deviated from my house dream list, was the price. That was an amazing experience!

Now, I have a newer book, and I call it my 'retirement book'.  Essentially it is where I write down my hopes and dreams and goals.   And I have found for most of my life that what one writes down as their desires has a lot of power to draw those specific things to you. Writing it down gives it a life of its own.

The nature of my desires has drastically changed over the years.  For a long time, the "dream list"  had to do with things that I hoped to accomplish  (such as a certain number of people in worship).  In more recent times,  it has to do with things I hope to enjoy. (lunch with friends, doing something special with my family, good health).

I already have my 2011 "dream list" written in my retirement book.  I'm superstitious, though, about revealing what is on the list, no matter how simple it is.  For example,  on my list for 2010 was "plant some Russian Sage" which I did, and by fall, it was lush and purple.

Some teacher in my youth had a poster on a bulletin board that captured my imagination and stayed with me for the rest of my life.  It was this:

Life without dreams is like a broken winged bird that cannot fly.

Thanksgiving

Even though it is going to be a few days late, all my family will be at our house for a Thanksgiving celebration.  All of us have a great deal to be thankful for!   I am most of all very thankful for a loving family. Things have certainly not always been easy or gone smoothly in our lives.  There have been hard times, both economically and emotionally, for all of us, for various reasons at one time or another.  Now, however, everyone is in a pretty good place!   I am very thankful for that! We all have someone to love, who loves us.

The next thing on my "thankful" list would be a good, solid and loving marriage.  Gerry is an exceptionally supportive and helpful husband.  There is no stress or conflict between us.  We are at ease with each other and the lives we have created for ourselves.  Long ago we figured out that 'the world' is a dangerous place where people will  not have your best interest at heart ---but home should be a place of harmony where one feels absolutely safe.

And the third thing on my thanksgiving list is.....I am thankful for good health. Too often I am unappreciative of how good and faithful my body is to me!  I am likely to focus on how it does not necessarily conform to the size or shape I wish it were.  But I am the beneficiary of really amazingly good health,  to this point at least.   I have rarely been sick.  My injuries have been minor.  I am disease free. I am thankful for every day that my health has been good.  I do hope for many more good years.  And the grace to deal with whatever happens after that.

The list goes on, of course.  A faith that keeps me on the right path, and gives me strength.  A warm home and running water. Good food.  Friends.

I am thankful to live in the country that I do, even though I've done nothing in particular to deserve all the privilege that comes with that.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!

Security Versus Dignity

This is an opinion piece, which I do not usually do on my blog.  But I am so distressed by the developments relative to airport security and the resulting physically invasive pat downs, that I feel the need to express that.   I am horrified by what I am  reading that people are having to go through.  One example:  a woman was forced to removed her breast prosthesis which she wore as the result of a mastectomy.  I cannot imagine the humiliation of that, nor the emotional damage.  All this also makes me wonder at what age an adolescent has to submit to this physical invasion of privacy.  Such an experience could be terribly traumatic.  And in particular, all those who have already experienced sexual abuse of any kind should not have to endure this.  

At some point,  common sense should prevail over fear and the need to keep the masses safe.  I understand that they do not use this kind of physical pat down on all passengers in Israel, the most security conscious airport in the world.  They do not assume that every person flying is a potential terrorist.  There have to be other strategies to employ.

The thing I hate the most is that a few terrorists who hate Americans and are out to kill them, can have such a negative effect on our entire culture.  Thanksgiving travelers going to family get-togethers are now to be subjected to the discomfort of airport security, with delays and protests.  My daughter and her husband going on their honeymoon in January now have this to dread.

If I measure the risk against the potential danger of NOT conducting pat downs on every individual who goes through the airport,  I, for one,  would chose the lessened sense of security over the total invasion of privacy.  (the airport from which we fly does not have the scanning machines, so that is not an option)

I remember well the mantra immediately after September 11 2001.  "If we stop living our lives the way we ordinarily would,  the terrorists have already won."

In more ways than we could ever imagine,  freedom is already gone.

Solving the World's Problems

Not long ago, I had lunch with a friend.  She was lamenting all the social disadvantages of being a widow.  Let's just call her "Linda".  Let us hope that Linda does not read this blog!  (which I think is doubtful).

Since I am not a widow,  I cannot really know or imagine what that is like, in social situations, to be a lone female.   But at one point in my life,  I was a divorced woman with three small children, and that certainly had its social challenges, so I'm not entirely clueless.

I think one of the most interesting things that Linda said was that when she is in social situations where there are couples, she always prefers the conversation of the men (and that gets her in trouble).  She doesn't particularly gravitate toward women's conversations.  I must say I found that stunning.  For a moment, I took that personally,  imagining that conversation with me was boring. (which hopefully is not always true!)

As I have reflected on that since,  it makes it clear to me how far apart we are in our conversational preferences.  What Linda meant is that she prefers conversations that deal with solving the world's big problems.  I have noticed that when we talk, that is the kind of conversational item she seems to prefer.  While I am aware of all the big problems in the world, and try to keep up with them, and read about them,  I am not at a point in my life when I feel the need to solve them.  I do think deeply about such matters,  but that is the one thing that I most wanted to leave behind since retiring from the ministry.  Every social ill and cause, both local and international, crossed my desk daily.

One of the largest elements of ministry was just that.....that the world holds you accountable for all its evils and failures, and you, clergy-person, are supposed to have the answers.  I don't have the answers!  And since I don't have the answers, I don't enjoy talking about such things as human sex trafficking and economic woes.  [I am perfectly happy to let Gerry and all his lunch friends solve the world's problems!]

Now I strongly prefer to be more like a 'normal woman' and talk about relationships---children, grandchildren, weddings, recipes, home decorating, etc.  Ironically, one of my biggest retirement goals was 'cherishing and nurturing friendships'.   Those were hard to both make and maintain during full time ministry.  Now I am enjoying doing both!

The Howling Wind

Lately, our weather pattern has been producing some high winds.  When I am inside the house and the wind is howling outside in this haunting way,  I realize that it causes a constriction in my 'solar plexis'. [gut].  It produces some kind of mild anxiety.  That is true mostly when it is cold, not so much in other seasons.

 I do not believe this has to do with fear of natural disasters such as hurricanes or tornadoes.  Now that I mention that, however,  I am remembering 2005 and.Hurricane Katrina.  I had gone to Tupelo, Mississippi to visit my mother in a nursing home.  I had flown there despite the clear hurricane warnings, certain that what happened on the coast would not affect anything that far north in the state.  That was not exactly true, as 60 mile per hour winds howled outside my Best Western door, blowing signs and trees all about, causing power outages.  Perhaps that experience plays into my 'wind fear'.  For a while, there was no regular or cell phone availability, and I was unable to get in touch with my family to let them know I was all right.  Part of the anxiety and fear then had to do with worrying about being able to get back home. There was also a gasoline shortage there all of a sudden.

That other knot of anxiety in my gut comes from a time when I lived alone with three small children, in a duplex out in the country, not having anyone on whom I could call.   That year winter was consistently 20 degrees below zero with howling winds and drifting snow (and a very long driveway).  I don't think I have ever felt more completely desolate and isolated and alone. Fighting the elements, I constantly worried about being able to get to my children's places of care to pick them up after work. There was no back up person to help with that, should something go wrong. We all survived.

 Perhaps both of those experiences contribute to my 'howling wind anxiety'.   I wish it were not there.  As a child and youth, and young adult, I loved the wind.   Feeling the wind blow on my face was a thrilling experience.   It still is, or can be under the right circumstances, but there are also other deeply rooted feelings that can get in the way.

I wonder if that is simply a matter of getting older, or if it has to do with the power of memory.  It is known that memory is evoked through smell.  No doubt that is also true of sound.

High howling winds bring up feelings of desolation, of not being able to get home, or to my family.  Needless to say,  those are not good feelings.

Circuit Riders, Church Architecture and Culture

It occurred to me today, a day when I was filling a particular pulpit for the first time,  that 'doing pulpit supply' is a lot like being a Circuit Rider.   In the olden days, preachers on horseback went from place to place  (and of course they were always male).

I go by car today,  but I suppose that there are some similarities.  One is not there every week.  One comes from somewhere else to lead worship.  One will find very different congregations, of every style and color, preferences and traditions.  The church where we were today has a very beautiful sanctuary, which includes a dome shaped ceiling with lovely architectural details.   The beams depicted below were not part of the structure,  but some of the other particulars are similar.

Church architecture is always fascinating,  though of course, Protestant churches lack the ornateness of our Catholic brothers and sisters.  I do enjoy seeing the variety among the various churches where I visit or preach.   Some are pristine and beautiful,  though the congregation is probably aging.   Sadly, that is the direction of many of the mainline churches of the northeast.

A similar decline is not happening in the southeast.   The difference has to do with the church and its relationship to the culture of the region.   In the south today,  the church is still the focus of ordinary peoples' lives.  There are "family life centers" where all the sports are offered, and typically, a 'majority' of the population attends Christian schools.  So---worship, sports, and school are all part of the one institution.

That arrangement would never be acceptable "up north".   And I certainly understand the reasons why.  There, the lines are blurred between culture and religion.  Here they are carefully separated.  Sometimes I wonder if the "northern"  end result might be less appealing.  I suppose one can never predict what the "unintended consequences" of a particular public policy or decision might turn out to be down the line.

The picture I am including here is the only one I have ever found which appears to have a female leading worship  (though I cannot be 100% certain).

A Presentation in December

I was invited to speak at one of the Thursday night dinners in December on my journey into ministry.  At first I did not think that such a narrative could generate any outline or pictures to go along with it.   Last night, after seeing the presenter's Power Point presentation,  I was inspired to enliven my verbal narrative with a Power Point summary, with "bullets" of information and photographs.

I actually ended up working on that for much of the day.  And I had forgotten just how much I always enjoyed that particular task.  At my last church, I prepared power point presentations to accompany my sermons, something I have not done in a long time.   It involves colors and design;  it needs layout and pictures;  it requires thought and creativity.  Just so much fun!

Although it is largely a personal story, I was able to embellish it with major life events and a few photographs.  Now, I am actually much more comfortable with my presentation, having the summary version projected to guide me.    Part of the presentation is sharing some vignettes from my ministry, and those will have to be read.   Hopefully, I will be able to ad lib my "journey" narrative.

It is a fun assignment and opportunity.  I am looking forward to it, though it will be so close to Christmas, I can't imagine that anyone will come.  My stories from ministry are all from actual Christmas experiences.  Reading them today was certainly a trip down memory lane!

No Sudden Moves

It is a beautiful sixty degree November day.  We decided  a few days ago that we would take advantage of the heat wave by playing tennis.  I agreed, as long as I could play without making any sudden moves.  To be perfectly honest,  I am feeling a little vulnerable at the moment with an injured left shoulder, right sciatic nerve problem, and two weak knees. None of it is serious, and will heal in a few weeks,  but it adds up to enough for me to want to be very cautious.  Fortunately, my right arm is fine.

After we had been playing a while, I realized that tennis is a great game for playing, even if one is impaired.   You can still play with whatever workable parts you have left!  I remember the tales Gerry would tell about playing with his Cornell geezer friends, many much older than he, with various physical limitations, one even with a permanent catheter!  Gerry has also played against opponents in the senior games who could barely walk,  but in the range they could reach, they were fierce competitors, and their seeming disabilities were very deceiving.

We played for a good hour with no injuries!  Perhaps in the future when I play tennis,  I should be more aware of my age and delicateness.   I certainly do not wish to be immobile!

What a beautiful blue sky day it is!

Introvert or Extrovert

Yesterday at lunch Michelle and I were having a conversation about being either an introvert or an extrovert.  It seems that each one of us has been both at one time or another, over the course of our lives.  As a child she was not an introvert, but as adult, has definitely gone that direction.  On the scale toward introvert, she would probably be at least at 90%.

Early in my life I was an extrovert;  then I had a long phase when I was much more introverted.  Toward the end of my ministry, I felt as if I were so introverted that it was quite difficult to always be "on" in the required interactions of my position.  

At this point, in retirement, the pendulum seems to have swung back.  I am much more of an extrovert now.  I do believe that both personality and life circumstances contribute to that.  One is born with the one and not with the other.

Michelle told me about a new term I had not heard:  ambivert!    That term, of course, describes a person who would be right in the middle at 50% both.   I think that must be what I am.  Sometimes I fall off the vert fence onto the intro side;  other times, onto the extro side.

And while I am much more inclined to be an extrovert these days,  I will confess that that has a time limit. Three or four hours of being engaged in a one on one conversational situation is about my max.  Then I need a solitude break.  I can handle five or six hours in a group setting,  but then I need a nap!

If that is what an ambivert would be like, then that's what I am.

Of course, no one label can ever describe a person completely, which is an important thing to remember!

On Being the Previous Pastor

I am now attending a church where I once served.  I am a retired clergy in the congregation.  That means I get to see what it feels like from this side of the fence.  In my last pastorate,  I had numerous retired clergy in the congregation.  I was always glad to have them there, mostly, though it did seem to me like their presence affected my ministry in various ways.  Had they just been retired clergy, that would have been one kind of thing to deal with.  But they were retired clergy who had served that particular congregation, where I was now the pastor.

It was subtle, the effect, and it had to do mostly with thoughts and comments about 'how it was back when they were in charge'.   Those comments did happen from time to time.  I think they slowed progress for the current pastor, as they invited looking backward, rather than looking forward.

Currently, I believe my situation is somewhat different. I am from a different denomination, and was never in charge, serving only as associate.  It does seem, however, that the senior pastor is concerned about my presence for the next associate pastor.  A new interim is coming on board tomorrow. As we only attend worship, and I am intentionally staying in the background, there is no context for me to make any comments, nor would I anyway.  Hopefully the new person will not be intimidated by my presence.  I wish her well.

But I do acknowledge what a difficult situation it is for any retired clergy person to find just the right place to worship in their retirement.  One needs a comfortable order of worship and an acceptable theology coming from the pulpit. One needs to feel welcome.

I guess I can understand why some clergy end up in their retirement, not attending church at all.  For me, that's not an option, but I do understand the challenges.

Birthdays and Celebrations

Tomorrow I am taking my daughter out to lunch for her birthday.   It is a few days later, but close enough.  Granddaughter Emma's birthday is coming later this month.  Usually, she has a birthday party.  I don't know if that will happen this year, as Brenda is having house guests during that time frame. Two of Gerry's grandchildren also have birthdays the first week of November.  With our family,  it seems like someone's birthday is always coming up.  There are a bunch of them in April  (most of the male Rehkuglers).  There are birthdays and anniversary in September, and now a new anniversary as well, so that will make two birthdays and two anniversaries all in September.

Gerry has been writing and pondering about puns and limericks this evening.  He could not get his creative juices going to write one, so just to show off,  I gave it a shot:

I have a daughter named Michelle
 who doesn't like birthdays so well
  If gathering, its best not to mention
for she really doesn't love the attention
So we surprise her and simply not tell.

  It's just a limerick, but mostly accurate, I think.  At least I don't ever remember Michelle agreeing to have a large gathering for her birthday.  I do think she usually declines such invitations.   At least we all got to enjoy her being the center of attention for her wedding, which even she enjoyed!

To my knowledge, her anniversary will be the only family celebration in the month of August!

A Horse Race

I'm going to watch a horse race today.  I'm not really a racing fan and don't know much about it.  I have, however, read and seen some of the press on the champion Zenyatta, with a 19 win -0 loss record.   If she wins this race, she will make history.  Of course, she has already made history,  but this would (will) seal the deal.

Everyone will be cheering for Zenyatta,  even those who are racing against her.  I think my interest is piqued because this horse is female, and she will be racing against "the males".   The article I just read said that to really prove she is a true winner (or something like that) she has to beat the males.  For that reason alone,  I will be cheering my heart out for Zenyatta.

I watched a big race some years back where the female horse was racing against the males.   I do believe that she won the race, but unfortunately, died in the effort, so that took the joy out of both the race and the victory.  As I recall, she had three broken legs from the final moments and had to be put down.

So, for the girls, Zenyatta,  run and stay well!   And win if you can,  if that is what destiny has in mind.  It does seem like a lot of pressure to be carrying the load for not only horses and trainers and riders, but females everywhere!

I believe you can do it!   (But I also want to see you enjoy your retirement!)
[which begins just after this race, one way or another.]

To the Movies

Gerry and I do not go to the movies that often.   When we do, we generally rotate.   A Chick flick for me.  An action movie for Gerry.  Our last movie together was 'chick flick'  Eat Pray Love.  So it was definitely Gerry's turn. On Wednesday, we went to see his choice--Red.  That apparently stands for Retired Extremely Dangerous.  There was quite a line up of famous movie stars in this movie, from Oscar winner Morgan Freeman and Helen Mirren, to Bruce Willis, and so forth.   It was a story about a group of retired CIA agents,  those who were all trained at the 007 level. The plot line centers around one retired CIA agent who is obviously on someone's hit list.  He doesn't understand why or who, and searches out his old retired buddies for help.

Thus we have an ensemble of characters and an hour or so of shoot-em-up scenes with high powered guns, whose names I do not know.   Even the Helen Mirren character is packing heat power with automatic weapons, and shooting people right and left.  While the movie was definitely an effort to be a comedy,  I myself find it hard to guffaw at shoot-outs and dying people,  though the whole thing was pretty outrageous.  And I think that perhaps, it was the outrageousness from whence the comedy was supposed to come.

But the really fun and interesting thing is....we had the whole theater to ourselves!  It was clearly a movie for geezers, with geezer characters, and two old geezer movie-goers.   That was our first experience at being the only two people in the theater!  We could talk and whatever, because there was no one to disturb.

I'm just not an action movie kind of girl.  I did enjoy this one much more than the last Bond movie we saw, which was terrible.

I'm just glad that it's my turn, and if a really good chick flick comes out,  we'll be there( if for no other reason than to put Gerry through the same kind of misery I had to endure!)

My Blogging World

I must admit that blogging has become a very big part of my world since I first began it in December of last year.  The first time I checked into the "statistics",  I was simply bummed at the results.   Now I check regularly and am completely fascinated.  It is not the number of readers, so much, but the places from which they come.    If in fact what it reports is true,  I send greetings to those readers in Luxembourg, China, Netherlands, Ecuador, Ukraine, and so forth.   It is surely a mystery how any of those folks could end up on my blog.  Even my daughter says she has trouble finding it!

I also used the print option and recently converted my blog to a printed book.  Originally, I wanted to give a couple of blog-to-print as gifts, but the whole thing, in vivid color, was more expensive than I anticipated.   So I got one for me, and a black and white version to give to a dear old friend, who hopefully will be able to read it. She is in rehab at the moment.  The printed version of the blog is a real treasure with photographs of important family events during the past year, as well as a record of thoughts and feelings, hopes and dreams.  It is a vastly improved written journal, from anything I could have done in some other format.

Gerry also has a "geezer" blog.  It is primarily about skiing, during the season, and about "geezer-hood" the rest of the year.  It provides a great conversation point between us.  "Did you read my blog today?"  "What did you think?"  "Interesting blog!"  .....and so forth.   Occasionally we even discover something about the other we may not have known before.

So, all in all, the writer in me,  and the retired person in me,  is grateful for my blogging!   I am especially happy to have readers,  family and friends, and folks from far away places.  Thanks for being a part of my world!

The Age of Wisdom

I like thinking of the current stage of life that I am in as "the age of wisdom".  That makes me happy.  And if it is true (which I think it is) then surely it is well earned!   It turns out that the book Composing a Further Life was a dud. Gerry and I both agreed that once you got past chapter one,  it was pretty worthless, with convoluted personal interviews and case studies.  But it had some good "bones" to it,  if the writer had just been able to use the bones to build on, which she did not.

She described the stages of one's development and the basic strengths (and potential pathologies) attached to each one.  This was the part that I liked.  It was provocative and caused me to think about my own life stages and perhaps what themes might be associated with them.  I shortened her chart  and put the general concepts into a different block of years (using the number 11, a number I like).  Here are just a couple of the terms from my own chart.

Age 34-45        Time of Creativity and Identity
Age 46-57        Time of Productivity and Engagement
Age 58-69        Age of Awareness and Wisdom

The last stage, however many years one attributes to that, I see as the age of peace and joy.   Or at least, that is as it should be!

One can hope and dream.  I do, and I often write those down!

Halloween, How to Celebrate?

I did read in the newspaper today Halloween described as "this American holiday".  V&M were planning to travel to St. Lucia for their honeymoon, and V wondered what "halloween" might be like there.   I suggested that it was not likely to be like ours.  When I "googled" it, I found that they celebrate a St. Lucia Festival,  a Creole festival apparently based on jazz..   V&M got "hurricane-d out", meaning their trip had to be cancelled due to a severe hurricane that closed airports and killed power. (and the festival was cancelled)

At church this morning, the focus was on Reformation Sunday, that October 31st day in the 1500's when Martin Luther nailed his 95 arguments (or charges against) on the door of the church.  That, of course, was the beginning of the Protestant movement.  Perhaps not many people are aware of this particular historical fact.

I've never been a fan of Halloween, ever.  As a teen, we did have fun making mischief in my home town,  but I shall not reveal here what that mischief was, though it did involve eggs and worse.

 I was never good at "inventing costumes" for my children when they were young.   So I felt woefully inadequate and guilty because they did not measure up in the costume department.

Perhaps my favorite association with this time of year is the annual Harvest Altar.  I think each church that I have served has had some variation of this tradition,  some more elaborate than others.  I was delighted to find a harvest altar on display at church today.

We will celebrate Halloween by giving out candy to the children who come to the door, though not out of any affection for the tradition.  We do this in return for all those people who provided candy for our children over the years.  I'm not fond of goblins and ghouls,  bloody heads, disgusting masks.   The little children are usually adorable, though, and bring delight.  We have learned to give out candy until it is gone and then turn out the light. Secretly, we always hope to have some candy leftover.  I always buy Gerry's favorite candy, just for that purpose.

I think I'll just eat one of my favorites before the crowd arrives!

The Good Silver

I am setting the table for a Dinner for Eight tonight.  And, of course, I am using the good silver.  There is nothing that brings to my mind the traditions and expectations and hospitality of the South more than bringing out the good silver.  Or actually,  as I recall,  maybe you don't 'bring it out',  because some of it was always on display.  At least that was the custom in my childhood.  My mother once had a silver service set which was always ready to serve up the coffee.  A coffee server, a silver tray, and a silver creamer and sugar set.  One did not save those for special occasions,  but used them whenever company came.

It has only been recently that I have brought out my silver.  My mother gave me most of it.  She really wanted me to have it.  She rubber-banded bunches of silverware together for me, and I  would bring it back on the airplane.  But before now,  my lifestyle, living situation, dining possibilities did not really allow for or encourage the use of the good silver.

We have moved a lot.  And even before Gerry, I moved a lot.  I have raised four children, the last one quite late in life. Our dining room table (or lack thereof) has changed multiple times over the years, never anything really fancy.  Since we have moved into this house, I have acquired table settings for twelve in the stoneware that I collected.  I still don't own "good china".   I also bought some crystal glasses.   By sixty plus,  I finally am in the position to entertain with appropriate tableware.

In that way,  I suppose you could say that by virtue of being able to use the good silver,  I have finally arrived!

Happiness Came Later

At a wedding these days, it is the custom to have photographs of both sets of parents from their weddings, along with a photo of the bride and groom.  Yesterday when my oldest daughter Brenda was visiting, I pointed out the 8 by 10 wedding photo I had enlarged for that purpose, now in the cabinet.  She looked at it, and commented:

"You know I don't have any memories of you when you were that young. [29 years ago]  My friend Neenie [who has three children] has this great sadness that her children will never know her from when she was young, and will only remember her when she is older."


Somehow, I don't have that same reaction of sadness at all. Maybe I am even glad that my children won't, don't remember me from my younger years. I didn't have it together then. I was pretty much raw material, yet to be really formed into the adult I would become.   I faltered and failed a lot. I wasn't sure who I was or was supposed to be. Many trials, lots of errors.

So I suppose the truth is, my life as a younger person was turbulent, filled with pain and uncertainty.  Even I  don't especially want to remember me back then!!   I like myself so much better now.  I am proud of what I have accomplished and who I have become.

I suppose there are some people who remember happy times and have fond memories of their twenties, and early thirties.  My great happiness has come later in life.  And I am glad that it has all come in this order!

Adulthood Two

Gerry checked a book out of the library entitled Composing a Further Life, by Mary Catherine Bateson.  He heard about it on National Public Radio.   As I am waiting for Brenda to arrive, I picked it up and read the first few pages.  It is a fascinating analysis of all the meaning and challenges associated with the extension of lifespan which America in particular has experienced in this generation.  The author points out that when Social Security was invented in Germany in the 19th century, 65 was an age that very few people achieved!   Now it is not unusual for people to live twenty years beyond that.

The author calls this "the age of active wisdom" and points out all the ways that this affects everything in our culture, economically and socially, and how we now have a four-generation society.  Great-grandparents are the new grandparents, for one thing.  Grandparents now can be forty, active and energetic.

I am looking forward to reading this book, during the times that I can get my hands on it.  It is quite relevant to my own "struggles" [questions about how] to re-define what I have been calling my retirement.  In fact, composing my second adulthood may be a better way of thinking about it.  That allows for far more creativity, and has less negative connotations associated with it.   Yes, that is what is before me.

As the author points out,  it is not like tacking an extra room on a house because you unexpectedly now have the resources to do so.   It is more a question of how that extra room that you now have completely reconfigures the entire house itself.

Adulthood two is a time to be creative and active, a time for insight and wisdom, a bottomless well of exciting possibilities.   Yeah!   How much there is to look forward to, even if I don't know what it is!