This Stage

When the current job that I have was just a possibility, I very much hoped that it would be something that I would simply enjoy. No reason not to. I'm retired. Nothing I have to accomplish or prove. No statistical reports to worry about. I'm not in charge. Even though it was what I hoped, my enjoyment of this work has far exceeded my own expectations.

I've been reflecting on that somewhat. As the senior pastor with way too much on one's plate, there is simply very little time to do other than hospital, or emergency visitation. It's hard to really enjoy it with so many other things competing for your time and attention. Most of the visitation I do now is of the get-acquainted or hospitality kind.

I know this is temporary job. They need, expect to have, have always had a full time associate pastor and are in the process of doing a search for the next one. ( I don't think I'm up to that at this point of my life). And that is probably a good thing. At this stage, I feel nothing but pleasure in doing the work I am currently doing---visitation, monthly preaching, teaching, pastoral care, etc. There is none of the stress; none of the expectation.

I will admit freely that many of those problematic expectations came from within me. Also, I perceived that a considerable amount of expectations came from the denominational structure. Of course, I still have a strong desire to succeed. I still need to do a good job. I certainly don't want to be a failure. But it seems to me, for whatever reason, that serving in a different denomination takes away a great deal of pressure. Maybe that is because I am just temporary and nobody has much expectation of me.

I still have pretty high expectation of myself, but I don't seem to feel any pressure. Just pleasure. And how sweet that is!