The Passover Seder

Tonight's program at church was in preparation for tomorrow night's Christian Seder. A young woman from NYC is visiting churches in upstate and made a wonderful presentation on "Christ in the Passover". She (and other Jews for Jesus missionaries) grew up in a home where there was at least one "believer" {that Jesus is the Messiah}. That makes the celebration of Passover quite different, because there are Messianic prayers, and New Testament connections added throughout the service.

For indeed Christ, our Passover, was sacrificed for us. Therefore let us keep the feast...." 1 Corinthians 5: 7-8

The Passover feast is about redemption, and the celebration has within it all the language of redemption. The "believing" Jews understand that the Passover Lamb is ultimately Jesus the Christ.

I must admit, it did make me wonder about an inter-faith family, and how they might celebrate Passover/Holy Week. It is of special interest to me since our youngest daughter is about to be part of such a marriage.

Of course, we wonder how both their Jewish and Christian traditions might meld together over time. This showed one wonderful option of how that might be done.

Our only hope---that both will be honored.

Super Sunday Special

Today was a wonderful worship service, if I do say so myself. There were many substantial elements to the service. But the thing that made it most special to me was the fact that Yo was there, as well as two good friends from my former congregation, who had come to hear me preach, and check out the "new digs". The musician half of that couple was especially impressed with the organ, which has more pipes than you could imagine.

There were young children bell ringers, and a children's choir. There were youth bell ringers, and an adult choir. There was a dramatic monologue (which I had written), and a very lively children's message, with a fisherman in boots carrying a large net.

I actually memorized most of my sermon today, so I made constant eye contact with the congregation, being careful to include all four areas. There are two middle sections, and two side sections. I try to remember to look toward each direction. There was also very good attendance.

All of the music beautifully matched the theme of Palm Sunday, as did the scripture, children's message, and sermon, which is the way a worship service is supposed to be.

Today will "go down in history" as one I will remember as a super special day. I suspect my preaching days will begin to wane, so I want to especially enjoy each one I have left.

In Between

Certainly today seems like an "in between" time, between winter and spring. The sun is brightly shining, and makes you think of enjoying the outside, but it is deceptively cold. Last night the temperature went into the teens, I think. But by the middle to end of the week it should be in the sixties. I am looking forward to playing tennis outside. If the sun shines and it is that warm, I will expect to see daffodils!

Also, I think this is an in between time, as I am still "transitioning" from working to retirement. It is approaching two years since, so you'd think I would have that completely accomplished, but I don't.

Gerry is in between right now too. Today was probably his last day of skiing for this season. He got his goal number of days. Now he has to transition from daily skiing into his next routine, both physical activity, and mental activity.

I was thinking again today about why the transition from pastor of church to retirement is so difficult. At least, I can speak about my own situation. As pastor of the church, all your relationships, your activities, your social events, your work, your play, are all centered in the church community. When that is gone, everything is cut off. I/ we are working at building new community, making new friends, finding meaningful activities, but that doesn't happen overnight.

[ Well, it does if you move in as the pastor of a church, where all of that is already in place and waiting for you. Otherwise, not!]

I do trust that in another year, we will have made a great deal more progress in getting established. I've been thinking lately that perhaps what I (we) need more than I need a job, is a church home. Since we have so much invested where I am (interim) right now, perhaps we'll have to stay put.

Of course, interim, by its very definition, means in between.

Maybe my interim days should come to an end and we should settle down. Interim also means unsettled, temporary.

Perhaps I should re-think my retirement goal of doing interim ministry.

Dream List

I have always tried to keep a dream list, bucket list, things I want to do. The past year or two, there hasn't been much on it, because most of what has been on the list has been done, accomplished, experienced. Secretly, I always wanted to play tennis in the Empire Senior Games, but never would have dared to play singles. I don't mind losing, but would hate being totally humiliated. Anyway, recently one of my tennis doubles partners and I have decided that we would like to play doubles in the Games. Now that is something I would be willing to try. My partner is quite good, though neither of us have played in any competitive sports competition. We'll see how that goes. I'm excited.

Also, I have a new "dream" for next year. A number of the folks from my church are active in community theater troupes, one which is performed at the church, and one at the Arts Center. I know the man who directs the plays. I think I will try out for a part next time around. Long long ago I had that dream. Maybe I can re-capture the drama bug!

One needs to dream, and to have things to aspire to, look forward to, imagine--no matter how unlikely the dream may be.

Ideally, I would have so many fun and interesting things I dream of doing that 'work' would be at the bottom of the list.

A Big Night

As so often occurs, everything is happening at the same time. It is a big night tonight, with multiple important events. There is a church dinner and program, which we will attend, and then everything else will have to be fitted in after. We'll miss the tipoff of the Syracuse game. They are playing in the Sweet Sixteen in Salt Lake City. My guess is that some folks who usually go to the dinner will opt to stay home and watch the game.

Back here in New York, Cornell is also playing in the Sweet Sixteen in the Carrier Dome in Syracuse. That game is at 10:00 p.m. Go Big Red!

My two favorite shows, which I haven't seen in a couple of weeks also come on tonight from 9:00 to 11:00. I guess it is going to be a night of multiple tv's, lots of surfing on the remote, and who knows what! We don't have the recording function with our cable.

Sometimes there is absolutely nothing going on, and other times, four things are happening at the same time. It is also a packed kind of weekend with various family members and friends on the scene.

Feast or famine.

Staying Close to Easter

As the date of my retirement was approaching in 2008, I do remember thinking, (and also saying out loud) that I would definitely miss preaching on Easter, as that is my favorite day of the year to preach. I love everything about Easter, but the resurrection message most of all.

I was definitely surprised, and of course pleased, that as things turned out, in 2009, I was doing an Interim assignment over Lent and Easter. There was an Associate Pastor, and he preached one service and I preached the other, so I actually did get to preach last year on Easter Sunday, which I never expected post-retirement.

This year, I am also doing an Interim. I am the Associate Pastor this time, so of course the Senior Pastor preaches on Easter. My "preaching Sunday" is usually the fourth Sunday of the month. This year that turns out to be Palm Sunday. I certainly can't complain. Palm Sunday is pretty close to Easter.

For me, it is nothing short of amazing that the thing I knew I would "miss the most", I've managed to keep pretty close.

Her Lifelong Friend

This morning I visited a woman who was being admitted to the hospital for surgery on her knee. I knew that she was a widow. With her were her daughter, and her female friend of forty years. For some reason, I was really struck by that---knowing someone long enough to have been friends for that long. Due to numerous moves, I can't say that I have a friend I've known since my school days. The only people I have had a relationship with that goes that long are family members.

But I have lived in Central New York now since 1978, so that is now almost 32 years, so there are a handful of people around who have known me for 30 years. Having been a transient most of my life, even that feels like really having roots.

Not having a "hometown" and lifelong friends used to feel like a real loss and make me sad. I don't feel that way any more. I'm so thankful for the variety of places I have lived, the diversity of people I have known, and all the special people who have come into my life.

So far, the longest I have lived in one place is thirteen years. With any luck at all, I'll manage to top that in my current location.

I think I'll 'put in a request' for fifteen good years in this house, the company of those who love me, good friends, and most of all, the thing that makes all that possible---good health!

A Day of Rest

Today is Monday. I really needed, and thankfully got, a good day of rest. The previous three days have been hectic, full, and demanding, without much down time.

Saturday involved a morning trip to Syracuse to visit a parishioner in the hospital, followed by attending an afternoon church retreat, so that was a full day. Sunday included participating in two services, teaching confirmation class between, then leading worship at a retirement home in the afternoon. I was exhausted!

The clear need for rest reminded me that I don't have a bottomless pit of energy, but do need my sleep. Perhaps this is why God planned for us to have a sabbath. For those of us whose work is on Sundays, sabbath usually is 'catch as catch can'. I caught mine today. For me, it means sleeping late and moving slowly into my day. It includes a slowly consumed cup of coffee, a shower later in the morning, and not feeling pressured to do the next thing.

The senior pastor called this morning. A parishioner passed away today. He doesn't get the day off. It reminds me why I am retired, so I am not constantly on call for the next need.

My husband reminds me how fortunate I am to be able to sleep with such ease. I can go to sleep when my head hits the pillow, and sleep long after the sun is up. He has numerous sleep issues and is not so lucky.

And I am most grateful for that sleep-ability. I hope I never lose it!

High School Musical

Last night, we went to see a high school musical, Willie Wonka, in which my granddaughter "Drea" had a part. It was opening night, so some family members went then; others are going tonight, and others next week.

She is only in the ninth grade, so to get a part in the high school production is quite an accomplishment, especially to have a speaking role. It was a major production, with an amazing and very colorful set, complete with people flying. We were impressed, especially with Drea, who did her part very very well, and has also, suddenly turned out to be such a beautiful young woman.

How does that happen so fast?

Somehow it does. I remember her birth, not so long ago!

I look forward to many more musicals. By the time she is a senior, she will no doubt have the lead role!

Mark and Luke

Not far from my office is the office of a therapist, ‘Mark’. I’ve met Mark a number of times over the years. We are from the same denomination and know one another through clergy gatherings. Passing each other in the parking lot and on the stairs, we have both found it interesting that we ended up in the same building, same town (different denomination from our own).

Whenever Mark is between clients, he sometimes leaves his door open, and if I am passing by the door, he is always friendly. Today, I was caught off guard to be greeted by Luke, a tall, dark and beautiful dog that was in Mark’s office. Mark explained that Luke is a therapy dog. Hugging or touching are not within Mark’s boundary limits [his clients are mostly female]. I found it very fascinating to learn about Luke, the therapy dog, who fills that void and provides the touching function. Luke is well trained, lovable, affable, very ‘touch feely.’ He rubbed his head against my hip, nicely, but insistently, wanting to be petted.

I’ve read that peoples’ pets play a role in their overall well being . I’ve heard of using pets with the elderly at nursing homes. It just never occurred to me what an important part they can play in a person’s healing.

I guess the bottom line here is---whether touch comes from a beloved pet, or a beloved person, touch is essential to life.

What Do I Want?

Last night I tried to get Gerry to "interview me" and ask me all sorts of questions about what I want for the future. That's because I can't seem to figure out what I want (relative to work and retirement activities). Part of that was asking if I am going to need a part time job to be happy, or if I want a part time appointment, which would still be every week, and tie me down. Even a small church worships every Sunday. At the moment, I am not inclined to do that. Honestly, I cannot seem to transition into non-ministry thinking. Maybe I just need a few more years to get to that point.

Somehow, the conversation ended up being largely about travel desires or non-desires. I feel like I have "earned" my right to be a homebody, not much interested in travel. That is because I have moved frequently most of my life, and at this point, I just want to stay put. But I did learn that there are a few trips we will likely take---to Maine, to South Carolina, and to the Grand Canyon, which Gerry has not seen. Two out of three of those do not involve flying, which is a very good thing.

Somehow, I thought that once I was retired, I wouldn't need to think about "what I want to do in the future" any more. But I guess that just isn't so.

At least, not yet. And maybe, not ever. Maybe it is a question that just comes from being alive!

During the War

The town in which I live has a university. Sixty years ago, it was much smaller, and mostly just a teacher's college with a general education major and a physical education major. "Beth" whom I visited today recalls the sad times when she was a student here. It was during World War II. The college had seven hundred women and just thirteen men. The rest were at war. She met her husband in town when he came home on leave from the military. She has been here ever since.

She talked about the rationing coupons. That was before my time, of course, though I have heard Gerry talk about that. She spoke of their struggles to get enough coupons for gas. Then she told me the wonderful story of her father's generosity. Maybe it was inappropriate, or perhaps even illegal, but it was certainly generous. Her father had a farm, though he used horses and plows. When he discovered how hard it was for GI's to get gasoline, he bought an old tractor to park in his field, just so he could get coupons to give to the soldiers, so they could go places when home on leave! He was honest and told the tractor dealer just what he was going to do. He had a farm, and a field, and now he had a tractor, so his access to gas coupons suddenly increased. At least it was for a good cause!

Feeling Appreciated

It is always nice to feel appreciated. I had that kind of a Sunday. So many people, unexpectedly, for no particular reason, wanted to tell me how much they appreciate my ministry. It wasn't even my Sunday to preach, so I gather that it is more just my presence there than anything else. I am a particularly "good balance", "good complementary mix" with the senior pastor, a young male.

Receiving a personal letter is a rare treat these days. I got one in today's mail, and it too was a big surprise. Some time back, I had written in my blog about a special friend, my "other mother". A few days ago, it occurred to me that she might enjoy reading it, so I sent her a copy in the mail. She does not, of course, have a computer. Today, I got a letter from her husband expressing appreciation to me for the "blog entry" about her. He was going to make a copy to send to each of their children. That's pretty special. It was an amazing letter for sure. I know that she would love to see it, but I have put it away in my "appreciation box."

Years ago, when I first started in the ministry, and had a tendency to get discouraged, I saved all my "special appreciation notes" and put them in a box. I have quite a collection in my appreciation file! I have read them once or twice over the years. The most precious ones come from my children. But they are all special because they remind me that I am loved.

I'll admit, though it is kind of sad, that I am unable to 'take it in' emotionally when someone expresses deep appreciation for me. I deflect it, feel like it can't really be about me, convince myself that it is all about the role. It has always been very hard for me to grasp being a special person in someone's life.

But today, I am deeply feeling it----feeling appreciated!

A Blank Page

A blank blog page stares back at me, and sometimes I cannot think of anything to say. Since the 'writing rule' is, don't say anything you don't want the world to know, that does inhibit one's writing. Especially if one is a pastor. There is always the chance that a parishioner--- past, current, or future, might happen upon one's blog. That being the case, I don't use swear words (like I see on-line sickeningly; but truly I don't use swear words in my non-blog life either). I don't write about personal things related to my family (at least only minimally). I don't reveal inappropriate personal information. So all that does limit the scope.

Maybe my blogging is slowing down. I am committed to doing a year's worth, from December 2009 to December 2010. I'll just have to be happy to let the frequency go in spurts, rather than daily.

A blank page can be a very inviting, exciting thing. Or it can taunt you.

Of course, in this case, the page is not a page or paper at all, but a computer screen.

That makes me think of how much the world has changed. I rarely use stamps any more, and when I do, I buy them in a sheet, and not a 'book'. We don't 'dial' our phones any more, but push button them. The younger set doesn't even talk on them, but texts.

You can punch a button and stop a movie, or mute the sound, or cook a dinner.

Even if it is not much better than a blank page, you can 'click a mouse' and 'publish a post.'

So here goes.

About Nothing

I don't have anything to write about today. I wonder if I can write about nothing? Didn't Jerry Seinfeld have a television show about nothing? That's what I have read.

I played tennis doubles this morning, and was achy and sore before that, so now I am doubly achy and sore. I especially notice how bad my knees are! There were many good rallies and close games. I still cannot keep up with the score or how many games each team has won, or who won the set. One particular pairing does seem to result in a winning set each time. There are three different pairings on any given day. At least one member of the group will be away for the next three weeks, so we will either have a sub or play with three people rotating.

My car is especially dirty and I guess I'm going to have to wash it tomorrow. I don't think leaving it outside of the garage and hoping for rain is going to be adequate.

Last night was the Thursday night dinner and program at church. Ordinarily we have enjoyed those. That was the second of three programs on volcanoes. An older woman has been on many exotic trips to visit volcano sites. I hear she has also been to the South Pole three times, which is amazing. For half an hour last night, we watched a DVD of lava flowing. It was awesome, fascinating, colorful. There seemed to be endless lava flowing. And lava flows slowly. (The guy across the table was playing with his blackberry.)

The snow is melting rapidly, which pleases me, but disappoints Gerry. I'm sure winter is not over yet, though the temperatures look pretty warm for March.

And so on today's blog, I have written about nothing in particular.

When I am topic-less, maybe I should just try free flow writing, like lava, that just slowly moves along, going nowhere.

A Political Junkie

Today I had my visit with "Jane Doe", a semi-homebound political junkie. When she told me she listens to Rush Limbaugh, Shawn Hannity and Glenn Beck, I thought it would be a good idea to establish some "ground rules" for my visit---no political conversation.

We did pretty much manage to steer clear, but it took great determination on my part! A friend of hers a few weeks back had warned me: "If you are a Democrat, whatever you do, don't tell her!"

On the refrigerator were pictures of Ronald Reagan and Fred Thompson. At one point she said to me, "Oh, the media is terrible. They are so biased!" I paused for a moment and said, "Don't you think Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck are biased?" She said, "Oh, yes, but they are biased in the right direction!

She was a most fascinating lady and we actually had a lot of fun together. Lots of laughter. We shared our stories. She has lived through a great deal, a debilitating accident some years back, some major medical issue, twenty something surgeries. But she is very bright and interesting, despite her political leanings (in the wrong direction).

At one point she told me that her husband thinks she looks good, but then, he can't see very well! And she herself just had cataract surgery on one eye. Before that she didn't know she had wrinkles!

She had read in the church newsletter about my southern heritage. She herself is half southern, having a southern grandmother. Her experience is similar to mine. Even to this day, southerners have the imprint of the civil war still in their psyches, whereas Yankees think about it not at all.

Perhaps that is always true of the defeated, who pass along the sting for generations to come.

Folks from the Church

The woman I visited today is 92. She has a 1985 Buick with only forty thousand miles on it. The folks from the church are certainly interesting. One person was born in her house and has lived in it all her life. Some came to the church when the church across the street closed a year or so ago. Others came when a different church closed many years ago. Some come from an array of other denominations.

One comes to church in her motorized wheel chair; another with her walker from a senior citizens high rise across the street. Several grew up in orphanages. Many are volunteers at the library, hospital, county office building. The county building was the former high school, so many of the older folks attended there before the new building was built on the hill.

They are musicians and professors, artists and doctors, mothers and teachers, lawyers and fathers, veterinarians and hardware store owners. One loves the Renaissance. The one I will visit tomorrow is a Rush Limbaugh fan. That ought to be interesting.

The first disciples were a motley crew. It is no different today.

Signs of Spring

The sun is shining! That alone is a great gift. I also noticed some sprouts peaking out of the ground where I know that I planted spring bulbs. There is some ugly spreading ground cover in the same place that I want to get rid of. I so much wanted to pull them out this morning, since they are choking the bulb sprouts. But all that is still frozen in place, reminding me that this is probably just a tease. In New York, it can well be into May before frost has finished having its way. I try to remember not to delude myself!

But I think I am hard wired from my childhood experiences to expect an earlier spring. I should have gotten over that long ago, since I have lived in New York longer than I lived in the south. I can remember some years going to visit my mother around the first of February, and the daffodils were out in full force.

It is still early March here, so there is no reason to expect spring. But I do, every day, or at least, some signs of it! And today I have signs. Sunshine and bulb sprouts. Reminders of the life to come.

The reason why I love spring so much is the new life coming! For me, I see that in the earth around that, and also feel it on the inside, as I also come alive in a new way as the season emerges fully.

Spending Time With Family

Recently, Gerry has been spending time with his children and grandchildren---one family in Utah, another in Vermont. I haven't gone because I am working. But as the only non-skier, there's really not much reason for me to go anyway, since that's what they all do. So I spend time with my own children and grandchildren back here in New York. Today I had lunch with Brenda. Monday I am having lunch with Michelle. I tried to connect today with the third daughter, but she already had plans. Yo and Matt are in Vermont with that branch of the family.

Like me, Brenda doesn't especially enjoy shopping, so she doesn't have a lot of reasons to go out for lunch. I'm glad we finally made it to check out the Green Cafe. The last time we tried that on her birthday, it was closed! It was good to talk about the challenges of raising children. With two little ones who have been sick this past week, she has had a difficult week.

I told Brenda that I think it is probably easier to parent when you are in your twenties, as I was when she was born. She asked if I meant physically easier. Yes, that, but also emotionally. When you are younger, you don't think about it so much, you just do it. You don't second guess yourself. You just get through it without a lot of self-reflection, which tends to come later with age and experience.

It is the hardest job in the world, by far! Nothing else even comes close.

They do grow up, and need you less. (But if you're lucky the relationship is forever.)

A Demolition Dilemma

In a city nearby, there is an old abandoned building close to a major interstate which starting spitting bricks onto the highway. Since that happened, I believe it was the state department of transportation that condemned the building so that it could be demolished. Then came all the legal wrangling about who, how, when that would occur, but most of all, who would pay for it. Actually, the demolition is not even the expensive part. That would be easy to accomplish, and though costly, nothing compared to the cost of the clean-up. It would be a toxic site, probably full of asbestos.

I got to thinking about how similar that is to people. It is very easy to criticize them, to tear them down, to destroy them with a cruel and unkind word. And all of that can pretty quickly add up to some serious toxicity in their spirits.

While the city and the state and the lawyers try to figure out a solution, meanwhile the drivers are all forced into a detour mode, going a different route from the most direct one.

People’s lives are like that too. If they get bogged down with toxic feelings and beliefs about themselves, it can take much of their lives to work that out. Meanwhile, they may be off on some different path from the one they might have traveled if it were not for the damage.

This interesting political situation just makes me think about how very easy it is to demolish, and how very difficult to clean up the mess!

A Challenging Visit

This afternoon's visit was the most challenging I have encountered in this particular interim ministry. I had some clues that it might be when I had tried to find out about her. I didn't really even think she would agree to a visit, from what I had heard. But surprisingly, she called me, or returned my phone message.

I don't know exactly how to describe what I encountered. She was/is a fragile person. I learned her story, and how she had experienced a complete mental breakdown. She described her family as completely dysfunctional, and went on to say why that was so, in great detail. I guess I am completely and utterly amazed that someone in their sixties, who has had lots of therapy, an intelligent, high functioning person, could still be so wounded and broken.

She had been deeply hurt by a number of family members. (It is family members who usually have the power to inflict the deepest wounds.) In a way, I have experienced some of the same kinds of things in my life that have caused her to have so much unresolved baggage, and illness. To meet her made me so very grateful for my own healing and forgiveness and wholeness.

Even though she was not open to matters of faith and religion, I wanted so badly for her to know that forgiveness is not what you give to others. It is what we do for ourselves. It is about letting go. Clearly, she has not been able to let go of things that happened to her even as a child.

I suspect that letting go is much easier for those of us who believe in a God of redemption and grace, of compassion and mercy. When we can accept all that, we can forgive ourselves, and the journey toward wholeness begins!

All About Nard

At the moment, I am studying three different scriptures because on the second Sunday I am teaching the adult class; on the third Sunday, leading worship at the retirement home; on the fourth Sunday, preaching.

Today, I got especially curious about the story of Mary pouring the pure nard on Jesus' feet at Bethany. That sent me on a search to find out about nard and anointing. The search became somewhat like solving a biblical and theological mystery.

Nard is an intense, extravagant, exquisite perfume made from a root plant that originates in the Himalayas. It was rare and expensive.

The first mention of anointing in the Bible is in Exodus where directions are given for mixing fine spices with olive oil in order to mark something (or someone) as sacred. To anoint is to consecrate, to introduce the divine spirit, that which is holy, of God. In the Old Testament, priests are anointed, as are kings.

I also found on the list under the biblical fragrances--frankincense and myrrh. I know those, of course, because they were gifts brought by the Magi to the baby Jesus. Frankincense was used by priests in worship. Myrrh was used as an embalming ointment, preparation for burial. It originates in the resin of a certain tree. These were symbolic gifts for a future Savior.

"Christ" literally means the "anointed one", the one appointed and sent by God for a specific purpose. For his ministry, his destiny, Jesus was anointed by the spirit. At the beginning of his ministry he read from the scroll and said: "The Spirit of the Lord is on me because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor."

The anointing by Mary at Bethany happens at the end of his public ministry, just before his final Passover. It foreshadowed his burial.

To be the 'anointed one' means that Jesus was called, set aside, destined for his divine task and unique calling. It was his destiny, to be---God incarnate, holy, and--- sacrament.

Above Freezing

Today is March first, and it has been above freezing all day. The forecast projects above freezing temperatures for the rest of the week. It has been a long long time since we've seen that kind of warmth. At least above freezing provides some relief.

I am especially anxious to get the annoying icicles off of the gutters. Unfortunately, they are beyond reach. There are the shrubs between you and the house, and three feet of snow around the shrubs. No rake or shovel comes anywhere near reaching those icicles! Hopefully warmer temps in the next few days will take care of that problem.

I am ready for spring. I am even beginning to think of the things that lie beneath that three feet of snow. Things like bulbs and budding trees and green grass, eventually.

Winter is largely white and gray with skies of blue.

Spring is yellow and green and every hue.

Winter is cold and snowy and too long, I think.

Spring is quick and warm and sometimes pink.

Winter is icy chill, hanging around.

I am very ready to see the ground!