Mother's Day: A Contrary View

Today is the first time I can remember in a long time (if ever), hearing a Mother's Day sermon preached by a young man. He admitted to me before the services that he hates to preach on Mother's Day, (since he isn't one.) As I reflected back over the years of my ministry, I don't believe I ever undertook the daunting task of preaching a mother's day sermon. I most certainly used stories and illustrations befitting the theme and occasion, but never a whole sermon. Now I understand why.

I could not preach a mother's day sermon because I know all too well how brutally hard being a mother is. Plus, I know how terribly imperfect all mothers are. And on top of that, most mothers always feel some guilt for not having done more, for not having perfect children, for having left them in child care, for having worked, and a whole assortment of different reasons. In reality, it is never as idyllic as the Hallmark cards portray.

Don't get me wrong. I love and honor all my children. I think they are awesome. They are all very different, having chosen different paths. Being a mother is the most important and the most difficult thing I have ever done. It is the most challenging and the most rewarding. Idealizing motherhood, (which I heard a lot of today) is essentially not helpful. The ideal set forth (the one mothers mostly hear) is how they are the ones ultimately responsible for their children and how they turn out, and by the same token, also to blame.

I have a contrary view. Children will choose their own ways, even though they are frequently not the ones their mothers may have chosen for them. One's children will bring the greatest of all joys, and they will break your heart. It's messy, very messy, long beyond the diaper stage! One always aspires to be a better mother than our own mothers might have been, therefore setting ourselves up for failure. In the end, every mother is likely doing the best she can, in the particular circumstances of her life. Few of us get it absolutely right.

I recently observed my oldest daughter interact with her three year old, whose behavior warranted discipline. My daughter rose to the challenge and did what she had to do, sending the child to her room to cry until she got over her willfulness. It isn't fun to have to be "mean mommy." I could see how hard that was for her by the look on her face, her body language, her deep sigh. Being a stern disciplinarian, even when it is called for, goes against the grain of everything in her sweet, gentle nature. Lots of times, it's not fun being a mother.

Maybe Mother's Day is a good idea, especially if she gets to sleep in and have breakfast in bed. (It certainly is for the florist!) I'm not entirely sure about all the rest of it, though. It is not a good thing if it only adds to the weight of expectations the world lays at our feet, or adds to the guilt.

I know a lot about being a mother. You don't get to it without going through a lot of pain. You don't get through it without the same.