From the Mountain to the Valley

I have experienced quite a shift today from the exhuberant highs of joy this past weekend, to the doldrums of despair associated with the situation I encountered.

I made a hospital visit today to see "Joe", a parishioner in the hospital following surgery. It absolutely broke my heart, for many reasons. Joe had surgery last week for throat cancer, and it was a long and complicated surgery, requiring the removal of the voice box and other things. I saw him the day after the surgery. Things have changed. Senior Pastor told me this morning that he learned from Joe's wife that last week, Joe had pulled out his tubes, presumably the feeding tube and a throat tube. I felt so sad to hear that.

But I was unprepared for how sad and broken hearted I felt when I actually saw him. Pre-surgery, Joe had some limitations. He is legally blind and can see only partially. Post surgery, he cannot speak. Now he cannot see or speak, only hear. He will hereafter be breathing from a tracheotomy tube in his throat. He had to return to the operating room and have the tubes re-inserted. Now his hands are restrained so he cannot pull them out again.

What I learned from all this is that if one agrees to a medical procedure in a hospital, one's end of life decisions are no longer in your hands, especially if you cannot speak! Life extending procedures go into effect on auto pilot in hospitals. That is their job.

Even with all of this, Joe still faces many months of chemo and radiation, implanting a voice box, physical therapy, etc. I cannot imagine that he really wants to go through all of that. I know I would not. Joe has a strong faith and is not afraid of death.

Death is not the worst thing. It is, in fact, the way forward, the bridge between this world and the next.

Don't we all hope to travel that bridge with dignity! In some cases, sooner does seem better than later.