The Ministry Question

Once again, the ministry question arises.  Sunday is my last day in this Interim, which I have been doing for nine months. I am looking forward to "time off",  'vacation', "retirement".   Will I settle into a nice retirement routine, seeing family, going for walks, reading books, socializing?  Or will I be restless and start thinking about pulpit supply, interim opportunities, church possibilities?  I don't know how all that will go.  I suppose only time will tell.  I do have a preaching gig in October.

Everyone should get to the point where they really retire.  Gerry has the best of all worlds.  He goes into the office three days a week and just enjoys the company of his colleagues and contemporaries;  he goes to coffee hour and has a nice chat;  he goes with other retired professors to lunch and they "solve the world's problems."   The university provides an office.  But he doesn't really have to do any work.   Would that kind of an arrangement make me happy?  I have to honestly say, I have no idea.

 I'd like to think that I will be able to 'go to church' without having to 'do ministry.'  Maybe that is the next transition to work on.  There's always something to work on;  some next thing.

There are always places to go;  ways to grow.  It will unfold.  Whatever will be will be.

  

The Bride and Groom

We are still somewhat aglow from the weekend.  The past couple of days I have so much enjoyed seeing all the photographs on Facebook taken by the friends and guests of V+M.   I have probably seen over a hundred shots from every vantage point.   I am so grateful for that, because I was way too occupied to get to take very many myself.

We have also received some notes from friends who were in attendance who appreciated many of the little touches that made it so unique.  For example, one of youngest daughter's brothers-in-law made the card  container.  Often it is a basket.  In this case, it was a tree trunk .  You may not be able to see, but there is a slot for wedding cards.

But of course, the real feature of the evening was the very lovely bride and groom, now husband and wife.
Here they are:

What a handsome couple!  (with two sets of very proud parents!)

Spectacular Event!

First, I am exhausted and it will take a few days to recover from the spectacular event of the V&M wedding.  It is clear that they put so much thought and effort into every detail.  The colors of the earth-themed evening and event were green and brown.  The flower girls spread autumn leaves rather than flower petals.  The tables were incredibly decorated with a beautiful menu card.

The cake was unique and beautiful.  So were the bride and groom. There were 170 guests from assorted persuasions, religions, geographic and economic backgrounds.  Each table was named after a restaurant where V&M have eaten in their various travels over the seven years of their relationship.  I was very very pleased to be seated at a table named after a restaurant where my family had enjoyed some very good meals and good times together. We were happy to see old friends and meet new ones.   

It was one of rare but very special occasions when all our complicated family was gathered together.  How good it is!

Rehearsal Day

Two cars are packed to the gills in preparation for the wedding. (Gills probably not being a car part). A huge amount of the space in V&M's car was taken up by the "gift bags" for those staying overnight in hotels.  There are 40 of them---items put together in Wegman's reusable grocery bags.  It is a thoughtful thing to do,  though time consuming and space consuming.  Lots of last minute details late into the night, like printing off 'welcome/thank you for coming letters' to go in each gift bag.  Much of the space in our car is filled with the wedding favors for each guest. There were so many gifts for others that there was barely room for the wedding dress.   They have departed for the day's activities and we will meet them at the rehearsal/wedding site this afternoon with our wedding stuff, and ourselves.  Hopefully, all will go smoothly and they will be able to relax and enjoy the events of today and tomorrow.

When both cars were packed,  the last thing they did was practice their dance.  It is a delightfully choreographed number which is sure to be a crowd pleaser.  They have worked for over six months on that dance.  For the first 30 seconds it appears to be just your typical slow dance,  but then it turns into a faster paced swing number. I think that dance will be a highlight of the reception.

As for me,  I have just finished collecting and storing lilac tree leaves in a plastic bag, which the flower girls will use,  rather than rose petals. Every detail of this wedding is consistent with a nature theme, and mostly with a re-use, recycle slant.  So despite a certain level of extravagance,  it is still earth friendly.

What an experience this is,  for all of us!

Old Faithful

I recently read something that I did not know about the familiar and famous geyser named Old Faithful.  I am using it as an illustration in my next sermon.  I thought it might also make an interesting blog.

Old Faithful is America's most famous geyser, located in Yellowstone National Park.  For many years, the time between eruptions was somewhere between 35-80 minutes.  Then the interval shifted and sometimes the distance between eruptions was as much as 100 minutes.  Geologists think that some earthquakes shifted the earth's crust enough to affect the natural underground plumbing that feeds geysers.

For me the marvelous lesson is---even for the most reliable and responsible and committed--sometimes there will be earthquakes that interfere with our ability our our willingness to keep our commitments exactly as we always have.  There are many kinds of earthquakes.  It could be an injury, an illness, an unexpected challenge, pain, an accident,or a loss--that throws us off our normal routine or predictable patterns.  We might be momentarily disrupted, but are still faithful.

Life is about commitment.  Parents to their children.  Spouses to their spouses.  Believers to their beliefs.   Hopefully, each one of us has a person or a cause to which we are fully committed.   When it comes to commitment,  it is good to be predictable!

Blogger Stats

I wrote about discovering blogger stats some time ago,  because I saw husband Gerry looking at his.  At first I wasn't happy about the stats, which show the number of "hits" one gets, and also the traffic sources, comments, etc. Initially,  I was disappointed that he seemed to have more readers than I do (Skiing) , until I discovered that my statistics only cover the past few months.  (Human nature is such that even though we know better, we [I] can still fall into the trap of comparison!)  After getting over that,  I was happy to discover that I had any readers at all!

 I checked on my stats this evening.  I was surprised and delighted to find a lovely comment left by a wonderful woman from one of my previous churches.   I would never in a million years have even known she follows my blog if I had not looked at the statistics.  Thanks Vicki!

Another thing that got me excited is the discovery that I have two new readers from China!  It's not that I have a huge readership---don't get me wrong.  The vast majority are from the U.S.;  there are a few from Canada, one from a few other countries  (like Latvia, of all places!).   But I was so surprised for China to suddenly appear on the list!

I am going to be learning all about China this year.  I now belong to a ladies literary club, and at each meeting, two people present research papers on a particular topic.  This year, the overall theme is China.  The topics range from Pearl Buck to The Great Wall to A Chinese Wedding to Tai Chi, to name a few.   Since I am a new member,  I do not have to present a paper this year.     But that day will come.

I am looking forward to this social / educational group.  The best part is that it combines those two things--socializing and learning.

It does inspire me to continue blogging when I discover that someone is actually reading it,  whether from just over the hill, or from the other side of the globe!

Reminiscing

I am looking at the "directions" that Gerry printed off about what to include in a toast to the bride and groom.  It says:  Reminisce about your daughter's pre-wedding years.

As the day of the wedding draws near, it is interesting to reflect on the process which brought her to this event.  It would be hard to trace it back exactly.  It clearly is tied to music, as Joy's (her name in this blog) life always has been. I'd like to think that playing a tape of beautiful lullaby music to put her to sleep as an infant and a toddler might have something to do with that.  Anyway......she grew up with music of one kind of another--singing in chorus, select choir, piano. .  She tried out the clarinet in the elementary band (at her father's suggestion).  One day, with no input from her parents, nor them having any knowledge of it, she decided that she would play the xylophone in the band. We learned about it at a concert, as I recall.  That made sense, in a way, since she had been taking piano lessons.  And so she became a percussionist, playing bells, xylophone, chimes, drums, etc., excelling throughout high school.

Then on her first couple of days as a freshmen at Cornell,  she sought out the Big Red Band and was immediately hooked. Four years in the band kept her completely occupied, busy, and socially engaged.  And within a few months, a young man named Matt was rather hooked on her.  Of course,  we had no idea then that seven years later, they would become husband and wife.  How interesting to think that a decision she made as a young elementary school child would lead her to her mate.

Life is like that.  One turn here or there, and it leads you to your destiny.

Clergy Quandary

This morning I worked on a sermon focusing on pride, which I will be preaching in October.  In that process,  I recognized clearly all my own pride vulnerabilities, or at least some of them.   Everyone has pride, of course, perhaps to varying degrees.

This afternoon,  I officiated at a funeral.  Funerals are a unique challenge for clergy.  I remember one time when I was doing a funeral with another pastor and we were in the office together before the service, that pastor said to me:  "I just love funerals."   I probably would not have said that out loud,  but I certainly understood what he meant.  For a clergy person, a funeral is a place where we can lead the people in celebration of our faith.  We are, after all, resurrection people, so death is only a temporary detour. It is a chance to offer hope and assurance, to share your conviction and belief in eternal life.

I do enjoy officiating at funerals, because I believe that I have a special God-given gift for putting together a service that honors the person who has died, comforts the family, and often brings both laughter and tears.

My quandary is this: Is is prideful for me to be glad to have such a gift?   I don't think having that gift makes me better than someone else;  perhaps just uniquely able to do that one thing.  Not everyone is appreciative of 'that one thing'.  I remember once speaking at a funeral.  There was a man in the front row.  I don't remember if his words came at the beginning or at the end, but he said to me clearly, and with some obvious contempt:  "How can you do this?"

Because I am called and gifted.  My desire is to bring honor and glory to God.   But truthfully,  I do enjoy accolades.  I appreciate positive feedback and kind remarks.

Am I filled with pride or humility?  Both.  Sometimes one, sometimes the other.  Saint and sinner.  Both.  For such is the nature of humanity.

Man of La Mancha

Last night we saw the marvelous musical, Man of La Mancha. It is clearly one of the best ever, most well written, with phenomenal singing---an award winner, for many good reasons.

 I remember seeing it forty years ago.  I was pregnant with my oldest daughter at the time. I have no memories of the play itself.  I do remember my reaction to it.  I had no idea what was going on, could not follow the plot and action and was completely lost.

At that time, I was in my early twenties, and it would be hard to find a young adult who had led a more un-worldly life!   Back then, I had no frame of reference for the historical context,  nor did I have any life experience that would have prepared me for the complex layers of themes, and the 'play within a play'.

This time, I was certainly better able to follow the action and the humor.  I understood the historical references,  and could relate to the struggle between seeing the world as it is, or seeing it as you would like it to be.  And, oh how I have always loved the song To Dream the Impossible Dream.

But perhaps most of all, seeing the play Man of La Mancha helped me to understand the song Dulcinea,  which my daughter's husband recently sang to her at their wedding. I listened carefully to the words, and the meaning of the song for Don Quixote.  His Dulcinea was the one he had always imagined in his heart,  the very embodiment of female beauty,  who possessed the beauty of the angels.   He held fast to that vision of her, regardless of any evidence to the contrary.   He believed she was his muse, his inspiration.  And in the end,  it changed how she felt about herself, and it transformed her completely.

Maybe the most important lesson I got from the play was---if you hold fast to a vision,  it can have the power to change you, and others.    And the world will be better for this, that one man scorned and covered with scars, still strove with his last ounce of courage, to reach the unreachable star.

Thoughts

The pastor said in his sermon:  "We had an interesting discussion in Sunday School.  The question was about whether or not thoughts are sinful by themselves, or if they are sinful only if one acts on them."  As I recall, his position was---to have the thoughts means you have already sinned in your heart  (therefore it is the same sin as an action would be.)

I wholeheartedly disagree with this way of thinking.  When it comes to the matter of thoughts,  I'd have to say that it is probably not fully known or understood exactly where thoughts originate.  It would be my understanding that often they originate from the subconscious mind.   Sometimes, they may even originate from the universal consciousness,  as when one gets a brilliant, creative idea.  Consciousness is an ongoing and evolving activity of the entire universe.   If we are fortunate,  it sometimes even unfolds within us.  And all of us, to some degree, can participate.

No doubt it is true that one can initiate sinful thoughts on purpose.  For example, if a sexual thought goes through someone's mind,  they might think about taking that further, and pursue some pornographic images on-line.  A decision is made in that case, and the thoughts themselves become actions, and the actions are sinful.  How far Jimmy Carter took his "lust in his heart" only he can know. But I do not think it is possible to be human, and not have any sexual thoughts. The thoughts, in and of themselves, are not inherently evil.  Just a passing blip.

When thoughts originate in the subconscious mind,  one also has a choice about whether or not to simply observe them passing across the screen of consciousness,  (not sinful)  or to dwell on them, take them up, act on them (potentially sinful).   I do not believe that the thought by itself comes as a "sinful" package, before one's will has been exerted over it, brought into the picture. This seems to me a rather fatalistic and pessimistic view of humanity, to which I do not subscribe.

I believe that we grow and evolve as spiritual human beings.  We become more proficient at not acting out of our ego.  We become more effective at operating out of our higher spiritual selves.   To label humans as totally broken and completely sinful doesn't allow enough room for growing in grace.

Thoughts simply are.   Take them or leave them.   We do have that choice.  And it is the choice that determines the sin.

Un-assembled!

Today a large box was delivered by UPS to the garage.   It was marked Fragile...Pottery.   I assumed that it was Viki's wedding favors that she said she had shipped here.  I was inclined to leave it where I found it.  It was too large and heavy to move!   I emailed her that it had arrived. She kept wanting me to look inside.  Finally, I decided to actually open the box and check it out.

I discovered in that process that inside that box were various parts of a very lovely idea....seed pots, seeds, a personalized tag,  pellets for germination,  and four large spools of twine.   Flattened, there were 170 cardboard shapes that had to be converted into 170 cardboard containers.  Into each container,  a pot, pellet, seeds would go, and it was to be closed, tied, a personalized tag added.   What a huge job.  We began by making the boxes.  (Gerry could make one in the time I could make five).   Then when it came to the pots,  we discovered that many of them were totally smashed into little bits.   Hopefully, we will be able to get those replaced soon.

It is a lovely idea.  The box says "go green".  [Yo is really into that!!].   It is not a plastic trinket, but something that grows. You plant the herb seed.  There is a quote from Thoreau.  It is a thoughtful, lovely idea for a wedding favor.  But, oh it is so much work.  It is tying each box with twine and adding the card which makes it so much work. (Something that unfortunately is not in Gerry's skill set!)   Yo was under the impression that it all came assembled.

I cannot imagine the number of total hours that it will require.   But I will do it.  (and not complain too much!). I guess that's what mothers have to do sometimes!

Next Wedding Coming Up

We have a wedding for Yo [youngest offspring] coming up in a couple of weeks.   Today I visited my oldest daughter who showed me the things she has at her house, things made for the wedding, at Yo's request, which have to be transported.   One is quite large.   This makes me wonder about all the things which reside at our various houses which will need to be transported to the wedding site.

For example, Cilla is the cake maker,  and it is a large cake, big enough for almost 200 people  She said she would have to borrow Bren's car to transport the cake,  but when I saw today what Bren had to transport, that made me wonder about cars and such.

We have many boxes of things here at our home, and they have not yet even all arrived.  The favors have been ordered to be shipped here.  I'm trying to visualize packing all this in one car, along with two of us, arriving in our tux and fancy gown, to unload many supplies, and then have our formal photographs taken before the wedding.  Maybe we should not put on our fancy clothes until the last minute.

Bren and I were talking about all this today, and how sad it is really, to put thousands of hours into planning,  many more thousands of thoughts and details of effort, (not even to mention dollars) for something that will probably last no more than five hours, tops.  Yo has put so much thought and effort into everything, which will all be thematically related.  It will certainly be unique.

What I hope most of all is that it will be fun for the bride and groom, and memorable.  I hope there will be no stress over the unimportant things.   I hope that when all is said and done,  they will feel like all the effort was worth while, and have many wonderful memories.

After the ceremony, when my part is done, I think I am going to have several glasses of wine!

An Amazing Funeral

Yesterday, I attended an amazing funeral for an incredible man.  The sanctuary was completely filled, which would be at least two hundred and fifty people. There were three different speakers. One was a friend from Bill's (the deceased) work in the theater.  His theater contributions provide a very impressive legacy,  having impacted countless lives!  He was a high school teacher and drama director, as well as a director at many plays in the community.  Bill had asked this friend to speak at his memorial service twenty seven years earlier  (that's advance planning!). Another speaker was a former pastor (and dear friend of Bill's)  who spoke about Bill as a man of faith, and his countless contributions to the life of the church.  The third speaker was the current pastor. Between the three of them,  he was given a good and proper celebration.

The service lasted for an hour and a half, but was certainly very memorable.  Bill received a standing ovation, twice. I'm sure he was there listening, and took one last bow,  very pleased, before final departure.

I had a rather odd thing happen to me.  I sat on the far side, in order not to take up primary (good visibility) seating for the guests (as I am staff).  There was a moment in time when I was "bathed in the light".   It was the time of day, the angle of the sun, the particular window and where I sat. The sunshine poured through the window and encircled me,  just me, in this bright glow. The golden light did not fall on the person to my left, nor the one in front of me.  I looked around that church at every location, and at no other place was the sun shining in like that.  It was surely just a coincidence, and there is no reason for me to take it as some personal affirmation or blessing.  Even though my rational mind knew that,  it made me feel pretty special, to tell you the truth!  To use a theater metaphor--the spotlight shone brightly on me.

My acquaintance and relationship with Bill has been brief, compared to the hundreds of others who have known him for a long long time.  There's no reason why I deserved any special light.  But I could fantasize that  Bill gave me just a moment of his time, in recognition for the pastoral care I had extended to him and to his wife Ruth these past few months.  I do know that Bill was especially fond of me.  His former pastor and his lovely wife both told me that.

I'm so glad I happened to be there at that church in time to know this unique and special man!

At the Cleaners

A few days ago I went to the cleaners. It was a very warm day and the door to the shop was propped open. When I entered, I noticed to my right two birds fluttering on the inside of the windows, sitting on the ledge. One bird friend was outside the window. None of them seemed to know what to do about their dilemma. The two inside birds flew into the windows a couple of times and then seemed dazed and confused.

The owner went over to try to shoo them to the door, but of course, they only flew to the opposite glass window and accompanying ledge. They clearly had no concept of door. I decided to see if I could help. The birds were quite small, though not necessarily young. I reached out with my two hands and formed a kind of cage around one of the birds, not squeezing or grasping, just providing a transport. It fluttered, and when I got to the door, I opened my hands the the bird flew swiftly away. I then went back and captured the second bird in the same way, and off it flew.

I felt very good about being able to help those two small birds. Hopefully, if I am ever stuck and disoriented, hopefully some kind creature will come along and help me out.

Out of Left Field

I work very hard at trying to live my life out of a place of  mature self-awareness.  At one end of the spectrum is the self-centered ego;  at the other end,  the spiritually centered soul.   The goal is to keep the ego in its place,  not in the driver's seat.  I do pretty well most of the time.  Recently I've done a lot of reading, from which I have had major epiphanies.

So, when an 'attack of ego' struck out of left field this week,  it surprised me so much.   I could recognize that my feelings did not come from my higher self.  They were not rational.  But I was absolutely helpless to keep myself from feeling them. Those feelings made me very sad, even though they had no real basis for concern.

 I could tell instantly that my "ego dangers" are not from arrogance or being self-centered, but from a deep seated insecurity.  Probably I will never be able to rid myself entirely of that particular demon. Correction needed here:  being insecure IS self-centered!

Feelings are neither good nor bad.  They just are. They move across the screen of consciousness. You feel them and move on.  Maybe I just needed to feel sad.

When it comes to one's personal development,  there is always, always, so much work still to be done!