Halloween, How to Celebrate?

I did read in the newspaper today Halloween described as "this American holiday".  V&M were planning to travel to St. Lucia for their honeymoon, and V wondered what "halloween" might be like there.   I suggested that it was not likely to be like ours.  When I "googled" it, I found that they celebrate a St. Lucia Festival,  a Creole festival apparently based on jazz..   V&M got "hurricane-d out", meaning their trip had to be cancelled due to a severe hurricane that closed airports and killed power. (and the festival was cancelled)

At church this morning, the focus was on Reformation Sunday, that October 31st day in the 1500's when Martin Luther nailed his 95 arguments (or charges against) on the door of the church.  That, of course, was the beginning of the Protestant movement.  Perhaps not many people are aware of this particular historical fact.

I've never been a fan of Halloween, ever.  As a teen, we did have fun making mischief in my home town,  but I shall not reveal here what that mischief was, though it did involve eggs and worse.

 I was never good at "inventing costumes" for my children when they were young.   So I felt woefully inadequate and guilty because they did not measure up in the costume department.

Perhaps my favorite association with this time of year is the annual Harvest Altar.  I think each church that I have served has had some variation of this tradition,  some more elaborate than others.  I was delighted to find a harvest altar on display at church today.

We will celebrate Halloween by giving out candy to the children who come to the door, though not out of any affection for the tradition.  We do this in return for all those people who provided candy for our children over the years.  I'm not fond of goblins and ghouls,  bloody heads, disgusting masks.   The little children are usually adorable, though, and bring delight.  We have learned to give out candy until it is gone and then turn out the light. Secretly, we always hope to have some candy leftover.  I always buy Gerry's favorite candy, just for that purpose.

I think I'll just eat one of my favorites before the crowd arrives!

The Good Silver

I am setting the table for a Dinner for Eight tonight.  And, of course, I am using the good silver.  There is nothing that brings to my mind the traditions and expectations and hospitality of the South more than bringing out the good silver.  Or actually,  as I recall,  maybe you don't 'bring it out',  because some of it was always on display.  At least that was the custom in my childhood.  My mother once had a silver service set which was always ready to serve up the coffee.  A coffee server, a silver tray, and a silver creamer and sugar set.  One did not save those for special occasions,  but used them whenever company came.

It has only been recently that I have brought out my silver.  My mother gave me most of it.  She really wanted me to have it.  She rubber-banded bunches of silverware together for me, and I  would bring it back on the airplane.  But before now,  my lifestyle, living situation, dining possibilities did not really allow for or encourage the use of the good silver.

We have moved a lot.  And even before Gerry, I moved a lot.  I have raised four children, the last one quite late in life. Our dining room table (or lack thereof) has changed multiple times over the years, never anything really fancy.  Since we have moved into this house, I have acquired table settings for twelve in the stoneware that I collected.  I still don't own "good china".   I also bought some crystal glasses.   By sixty plus,  I finally am in the position to entertain with appropriate tableware.

In that way,  I suppose you could say that by virtue of being able to use the good silver,  I have finally arrived!

Happiness Came Later

At a wedding these days, it is the custom to have photographs of both sets of parents from their weddings, along with a photo of the bride and groom.  Yesterday when my oldest daughter Brenda was visiting, I pointed out the 8 by 10 wedding photo I had enlarged for that purpose, now in the cabinet.  She looked at it, and commented:

"You know I don't have any memories of you when you were that young. [29 years ago]  My friend Neenie [who has three children] has this great sadness that her children will never know her from when she was young, and will only remember her when she is older."


Somehow, I don't have that same reaction of sadness at all. Maybe I am even glad that my children won't, don't remember me from my younger years. I didn't have it together then. I was pretty much raw material, yet to be really formed into the adult I would become.   I faltered and failed a lot. I wasn't sure who I was or was supposed to be. Many trials, lots of errors.

So I suppose the truth is, my life as a younger person was turbulent, filled with pain and uncertainty.  Even I  don't especially want to remember me back then!!   I like myself so much better now.  I am proud of what I have accomplished and who I have become.

I suppose there are some people who remember happy times and have fond memories of their twenties, and early thirties.  My great happiness has come later in life.  And I am glad that it has all come in this order!

Adulthood Two

Gerry checked a book out of the library entitled Composing a Further Life, by Mary Catherine Bateson.  He heard about it on National Public Radio.   As I am waiting for Brenda to arrive, I picked it up and read the first few pages.  It is a fascinating analysis of all the meaning and challenges associated with the extension of lifespan which America in particular has experienced in this generation.  The author points out that when Social Security was invented in Germany in the 19th century, 65 was an age that very few people achieved!   Now it is not unusual for people to live twenty years beyond that.

The author calls this "the age of active wisdom" and points out all the ways that this affects everything in our culture, economically and socially, and how we now have a four-generation society.  Great-grandparents are the new grandparents, for one thing.  Grandparents now can be forty, active and energetic.

I am looking forward to reading this book, during the times that I can get my hands on it.  It is quite relevant to my own "struggles" [questions about how] to re-define what I have been calling my retirement.  In fact, composing my second adulthood may be a better way of thinking about it.  That allows for far more creativity, and has less negative connotations associated with it.   Yes, that is what is before me.

As the author points out,  it is not like tacking an extra room on a house because you unexpectedly now have the resources to do so.   It is more a question of how that extra room that you now have completely reconfigures the entire house itself.

Adulthood two is a time to be creative and active, a time for insight and wisdom, a bottomless well of exciting possibilities.   Yeah!   How much there is to look forward to, even if I don't know what it is!

Unexpected Healing

The days and hours spent unpacking at V+M's house were physically grueling.  It involved going up and down the steps many times, often carrying boxes.  (Gerry did the heavy lifting).   It involved bending over.  Once there was even this scene of laying on the floor trying to get the twine under the stack of corrugated cardboard in order to tie it into a bundle.   We didn't really have any luck with that, because it was too big a pile.

After the first day of work, we were so exhausted that we fell into bed and went instantly to sleep.  We woke up sore from head to foot.  The second day we also worked equally as hard, physically as demanding.  As older folks, we could definitely feel the soreness and aching and sore muscles in our bodies. But we were driven to push through the pain to finish the job!

Since I had been suffering for months from a serious pinched nerve,  I really dreaded the drive home.  Sitting in a car seems to agitate the condition and make it worse.   It is moving from a sitting position to a standing position that brings on the pain.  Once I get moving, I'm okay.   But the transition is excrutiating.  I noticed on the drive back home that my leg pain didn't seem to be as bad.

By Sunday morning,  I was going spryly up and down the stairs,  not even limping.  This was very surprising to me.  Considering all the physical exertion,  I would have expected the condition to be much worse.  But in fact,  all the physical challenges seemed to somehow dramatically improve my pinched nerve.  Maybe all that bending, lifting, climbing, etc. somehow simply 'un-pinched' the nerve.    That was a very unexpected consequence.

If that is my reward for all the hard work,  I'll take it!  It is a fantastic reward.  I don't think I could have asked for anything that I would appreciate more.   I do believe, since it is going to be 70 degrees tomorrow, that I might just venture out onto the tennis court.  That would be a nice treat.  It's been a long time.

As one gets older, one simply cannot afford to let physical pain keep you from being active.  I'm not ready for the rocking chair, that's for sure!

Unpacking the Boxes

Gerry and I traveled to Yo and Matt's house for several days to help them unpack.   They had gotten their things moved, gone back to long hours of work, and had no opportunity to try to figure out what goes where, or to make order out of chaos.   I think we did a really good job at that.   It may not be the exact order they had in mind for every item,  but we got things out of boxes, broke down the boxes, sorted out recyclable materials, cleaned the garage, and put things away.  We even managed to strategically place some decorative items so that whey they got home on Friday night,  they could walk into a "home" rather than a very stressful situation.

Between combining their two apartments,  and adding to that a whole array of lovely wedding gifts,  they are light years ahead of most young couples.  In less than a month after their wedding, and before they leave on their honeymoon next weekend,  they are now settled into a beautiful and spacious home with all the tools and necessities.   Many of us, probably most of us,  did not "arrive" at where they are until we were in our thirties, or later,( or never) !

Matt invited his parents over for dinner on Friday night, and we all six had a lovely meal together, and a great celebration of their first home cooked meal in their house.

Everyone went to bed exhausted after a long day.  (Yo and Matt, also disappointed that the Yankees lost their game!)

What We Notice

I was thinking today about how different Gerry and I really are.  In particular,  I was thinking about the things we notice.   At home, if I put up a new picture, or buy a new plant, or pillow for the couch, or change the color of the curtains,  it takes Gerry quite a while to notice those things.  He does not notice the domestic things around him.  That often includes me.  Once in a while, he notices me.   But I could wear new jewelry, or a new shoes, or a new outfit every day, and he would be oblivious!

When we are traveling,  he notices the crops growing in the fields (and often comments).  I notice the houses, the yards.  He sees the buildings;  I see the trees and flowers.  He adores bridges;  I love mountains.  At a football game,  he keeps track of what is going on on the field.  I keep track of the cheerleaders, the people walking up and down the aisles, what they are wearing, their hairdos and clothes.  I am aware when there is a touchdown.

I suppose it could be best summarized in this way:  He most notices structures and systems.  I most notice people and nature.

I suppose that there is a positive way to look at all of this.   At least we have most things covered!

Pride and Humility

I am preaching on Sunday on a parable that deals with the matters of pride and humility.   In the process,  I remembered one of the "old sayings"  [old tapes!] from my southern childhood.   The text for the sermon is on the Pharisee praying, "I'm glad I'm not like them.".   The 'old saying' that the sermon brought to memory is:  "Don't get too big for your britches!"

When I think about that kind of "training", or indoctrination, or upbringing---I can see the positive side of such a constant reminder.   It attempts to keep one from thinking so highly of themselves that they begin to believe they are better than someone else.  And of course,  those tapes are deeply embedded in my  head.  And I do hope that in some ways, they helped to shape a sense of humility.

In re-reading the sermon that I had written some weeks ago,  I had a new insight.  There is also a negative side to constantly reminding one 'not to think too highly of themselves'.   As a mature adult,  I now suspect that such a notion can keep one from ever thinking that they might be better than someone else at something.  While I am willing to accept that I am not better than anyone else (in the eyes of God perhaps), what about the unique and special gifts God bestows?.  If a person is a gifted singer (which I am not), then that person is certainly better at singing than someone who cannot sing at all!  A person may be a gifted runner, writer, mother, dancer, physicist, leader.  And such a person is going to want to excel in their area, which means, being better than someone else!

I doubt that the child, hearing such words of correction, is able to make the subtle distinctions.   In fact, here I am sixty plus, and I only just now made them myself!

I know that there are definitely some southern things that I passed along to my children, who were born in and have always lived in New York.   I don't recall ever using that line!  (At least, I hope not!)

Church Basement Ladies

Last night we went to see a sequel to last year's uproarious musical comedy Church Basement Ladies.  I remember side splitting laughter before, and actually hurting from laughing so hard.  Somehow this production did not quite equal the hilarity of the previous version.   But I suppose that it is often the case, that is is more difficult to produce a second version of the same quality.

Church Basement Ladies 2 was also a bit more serious than the first one, with a more poignant and reflective story line.  The story is set in the church basement of a Lutheran church somewhere in Minnesota.  The main characters are the pastor and a four woman kitchen crew.  The ladies preside over the kitchen through various church functions, which can be heard in the background:  visiting missionaries making a presentation,  teenagers having a party,  several power outages and snow storms.

One of the four ladies' husbands even died unexpectedly.  In the funeral scene,  the orchestra played the hymn Abide With Me.  I am at a loss for words to describe the exact effect that hymn had on me.   Long ago I realized that my spirit was shaped and formed through hymns, old familiar songs sung and played again and again.

 Hearing that hymn stirred up in me a longing for home.  And home simply means church. Since I have been serving in a denomination other than my own these past few months,  I have sorely missed the old familiar hymns of my own tradition and of my childhood.  Listening to that hymn felt like water to a thirsty soul,  ointment to a wound. I was so moved by the sound of that song,  which seemed so unexpected at a theater,  that I almost cried.

Of course, music, more than anything else has the ability to touch one's emotions at the deepest level.  And last night, it clearly did!

The Nerve

Sometimes it is amazing to me how little attention I pay to my body.  I've had a pain in the back of my knee on and off for a very long time.  It comes and goes.  On our last trip, it came, with a vengeance (from too much sitting).  For a while I kept thinking that it was a pulled muscle, from too much tennis (and just kept playing).  I thought that, and just dismissed it.

 Then, on our trip back home, I started really focusing on the pain and where it was and what kind of situation it was, how it behaves, etc.  It became obvious to me that it does not really behave like a muscle problem;  it does not really behave like a joint problem either.  Ahha!  I recognized what it was, because I have had the problem before.  It is clearly a pinched nerve!

Today I started doing some exercises that I remember from a time some years ago when I had problem with a sciatic nerve and had gone to a physical therapist.  It was then that I discovered the degree of my lower back/spine tightness, inflammation, pain.  It doesn't really have to do with the knee at all.   That is the surprising part.  I need to stretch my back.  And I have been doing that today.  But it has taken me a long time to figure this out.

It is now my hope that by being aware of the actual cause of the problem  {rather than focusing on a completely different location} that I will be able to improve the situation. I learned from reading about pinched nerves that a pinched nerve in the back can present pain all the way down the leg, even to the toes.   

There is one observation I would make about all of this.  I am very much in tune with the way emotions play out in my body and I pay attention.  I am really rather oblivious when it comes to identifying and understanding pain!  How odd!  I wonder why that is?  

Party! Party!

The professional photographer took over 900 photographs at V&M's wedding! There are a couple of them of me which are not bad. (Predictably, I dislike more than I like!)  But of the 950 photographs of the bride,  948 of them are rather gorgeous!  From the earliest part of the day, and getting dressed,  to dancing well into the night,  Yo was just beaming and happy and beautiful.

I want some of those pictures for sure!  She told me to wait until they gave me some, so I am trying to wait!  Meanwhile,  I find many interesting ones posted on Facebook by their friends who were in attendance.

The volume of the music was a bit loud for my taste,  but the band was targeted toward the 20 something generation.  Clearly, many of them had a great time partying and dancing.  At one point, all the Cornell grads were invited to gather on the dance floor for a picture.  There were probably forty of them there!   And looking at our children and their spouses, and adding it all up,  I discovered much to my surprise that we have seven of them in our own family!  Four are engineers---not to imply that this is somehow better than other areas of study....it's just that they think so!

It's interesting....looking at the photographs.   I got to see many details of things that I had missed that day, being pre-occupied with my own responsibilities and concerns.  For one thing,  the bridal bouquets were so unique and colorful and lovely.  Some of the things I remember seeing in the bouquets---artichoke, rosemary, thyme, white flowers, greenery.  

The bride chose "go green" gifts;  and used apples and moss and branches for centerpieces.  It was an event, for sure!

The Joy of Home

We have been traveling and had a wonderful time visiting friends.  But no matter where we have been, nor for how long,  I'm always so so glad to be home.  Home has endless possibilities and many comforts.  My favorite chair.  My pile of books to read.  My computer. I will say, though, that this time when we traveled, we took laptops and used wireless connections wherever we were.  It was comical to see three out of the four of us at our hosts' house sitting at the kitchen table with our laptops!

I've only been up a few minutes and two people have reminded me that this is the first day of my "new retirement". (Retirement means not having to set the alarm clock!   I much prefer to get up by my biological clock, whenever possible.)

What new adventures shall I pursue?  We had our first freeze the night before we got  home, so there is dead vegetation that needs to be removed.  I could do that, I suppose.  I could grocery shop for food, which we desperately need.  I may do those things and more.  I think I shall just live in the moment, as it unfolds, and not have a plan for today. I shall move slowly into the day. That's the joy of retirement.

I'll admit that I am still in the process of learning how to be retired. This time around, I think I shall be better at it.  Of course, we are all, always in process, evolving, both spiritually and physically.  I recently read a book by Deepak Chopra, which had a huge impact on me.  He writes this about the process of life:   At this moment your body is a river that never stays the same, a continuous stream merging hundreds of thousands of chemical changes at the cellular level.  Those changes move life forward.  

Last night I saw some pictures of me from the wedding.   I don't feel as old as I looked.  But alas, I suppose that too, is a part of the life moving forward process.

My theory for the day is,  if I slow down, I can slow down that process!   Right?

The New South

We are visiting friends in Rock Hill, South Carolina.  Yesterday we took a lovely ride on Wylie Lake on a pontoon boat.  Riding around a lake, one sees the many mansions that millionaires have built.  There were dozens and dozens of them (and it wasn't a huge lake).  One wonders where so much wealth comes from!  Some of the homes would easily rival castles in Europe.  And many are only occupied on the weekends!  The owner of the boat recalled hearing that one of the homes had a million dollars worth of plumbing hardware. 

This is not the old south of my childhood, by any means.   Rock Hill is not far from Charlotte, NC and clearly the whole area is fully developed, economically vital, and progressive.  In our travels, we did see some cotton that was ripe and ready to be harvested, though cotton is no longer king in the south.  One thing in abundance in both the old and new south----churches!  Churches are central to life here, the source of most schools (as opposed to public education);  as the source of most sports;  as the source of worship, fellowship, relationships.   That is one thing that seems to be the same as I remember.

Another difference---lots of sunshine!   It is good to see other parts of the world, from time to time.  This part is new to me, but also reminds me in many ways of my childhood.   Especially the vegetation, and the red clay soil,  the sandy lawn.   It smells like my childhood!  

It is definitely true that smells and memory go together!

So Much Love

By my count,  this is the fifth congregation to whom I have said farewell in the last two and a half years.  The first was the congregation from which I retired in 2008.  The next two were to two churches I served as Interim in the fall of 2008. The fourth was to a congregation I served as interim in the Spring of 2009.  And today,  to this congregation I have served as Interim Associate Pastor for the past nine months.  Nine months is enough time to form a very strong bond.

I feel like no one deserves the kind of love that gets bestowed on me as pastor (especially not me)!  There were so many many expressions of gratitude for my ministry today, in the form of prayers, gifts, cards, flowers, hugs, words.  To tell you the truth, I'm always a little embarrassed by the love which people express toward me.   I do hope I am able to accept it graciously, because I am truly and deeply honored.   It has always been hard for me to grasp---- that there is something that I am able to do, offer, give, generate, embody, say, share---as pastor--which is deeply meaningful to others,  which evokes a love response.

I received so much love today!  Words like:  "I am going to miss you more than you can ever imagine."  "You have brought so much joy to our church and especially to me personally."  "You will be greatly missed."  "I love you."

I can't say what it is exactly that causes people to love me as pastor.....but I am humbled, amazed, and greatly appreciative!

I made a decision to do Interim ministry when I retired.  Whether I will continue to do so or not, I don't know at this point.  Perhaps I'll just have to follow where my heart (spirit) leads.  That has always served me well.   I trust that will continue.

Life is full of glorious surprises. And I thank God for that!