Scavenger Hunt

For entertainment,  I decided to challenge the Thanksgiving family gathering with a Scavenger Hunt.  I haven't done one of those in years,  but always enjoy it so much.  "My Version" is to hide a variety of ordinary, everyday objects around the room in plain view.  They are camouflaged by the place they are hiding.   For example,  a white shoe lace was wrapped around the end of a white curtain rod.  All ten of the objects were clearly visible, if one thinks to look there.  But they were very hard to find!

The directions are:  Use your eyes only!  Do not touch anything!  Look up, down, all around,  but do not use your hands.  Everything was pretty much 'hidden' in the one living room area, rather than in multiple rooms.

Boy, they really got into it!.   The "hunt" was held between the meal and dessert,  just for a change of scenery.  My family likes to play games, especially some of them.  I thought it might take 15 minutes, and after 15 minutes I started offering to give clues.   Several of them who were really into the game did not want me to give clues.  Others were begging for them.   Often the 'hidden object' would be right in front of their face and they still would not see it!

 Whoever won would be crowned "the most observant".   After more than half an hour, that honor went to my oldest daughter who finally found all the objects.   It was a fun game!

After that, we enjoyed Emma's birthday party and ice cream cake!  Great time!

Being Beyonce'

The usual television programming isn't playing over the holiday weekend.   My favorite Thursday night shows were not on.  Instead, I watched a show about Beyonce and her I Am...World Tour.  It was a fascinating show and I must say that I admire her for a variety of reasons.

First, I cannot think of any woman who is any more beautiful.  The part I like is that she is beautiful, with curves, without having to be as skinny as a rail.  She has also pretty much been a 'straight arrow',  nothing at all like Britney Spears or Paris Hilton or other young wild celebrities.  In fact,  her mother still travels with her often.  She dated one man for many years before marrying him.  She seems about as grounded as anyone could be, living that kind of hyped up life. Beyonce is the controlling creative force in her mega-productions.   Beauty, brains, and talent.  You just can't top that combination.

Perhaps the part I found the most compelling about Beyonce has to do with how she feels about herself.  She knows clearly that her gifts are from God, and with that confidence, doesn't mind flaunting them.  Her tour is quite flashy and extremely sensual and sexually suggestive. While it might not be a world I could ever imagine myself in,  I can appreciate how much she is comfortable with herself,  "doing what she was put on this earth to do."    And who am I to suggest that is anything other than good?   She sings and dances, is lovely to look at, and makes people happy.  What could be better than that?

Finally, I must say that it is a joy to see someone who enjoys being exactly who they are, using their talents wisely, and being successful.   Tip of the hat to you, Beyonce!

Dream List

From as far back as I can remember,  I have had a "dream list", or a list of goals.  I remember that something motivated me to make such a list when I was in my early twenties. While I do not remember what inspired it, one of the things on 'my list' was 'serving on the board of education'.  It was that goal that ultimately led me to the love of my life, Gerry.  (which is where we met).

Later, while in seminary and awaiting an appointment to whatever church I would serve, I made a dream list of all the characteristics I wanted that appointment/church to have.  And when it occurred,  it had every single characteristic described on the list!   The exact same thing happened with my "dream house" list.  Out of fourteen items on the list, the only thing that deviated from my house dream list, was the price. That was an amazing experience!

Now, I have a newer book, and I call it my 'retirement book'.  Essentially it is where I write down my hopes and dreams and goals.   And I have found for most of my life that what one writes down as their desires has a lot of power to draw those specific things to you. Writing it down gives it a life of its own.

The nature of my desires has drastically changed over the years.  For a long time, the "dream list"  had to do with things that I hoped to accomplish  (such as a certain number of people in worship).  In more recent times,  it has to do with things I hope to enjoy. (lunch with friends, doing something special with my family, good health).

I already have my 2011 "dream list" written in my retirement book.  I'm superstitious, though, about revealing what is on the list, no matter how simple it is.  For example,  on my list for 2010 was "plant some Russian Sage" which I did, and by fall, it was lush and purple.

Some teacher in my youth had a poster on a bulletin board that captured my imagination and stayed with me for the rest of my life.  It was this:

Life without dreams is like a broken winged bird that cannot fly.

Thanksgiving

Even though it is going to be a few days late, all my family will be at our house for a Thanksgiving celebration.  All of us have a great deal to be thankful for!   I am most of all very thankful for a loving family. Things have certainly not always been easy or gone smoothly in our lives.  There have been hard times, both economically and emotionally, for all of us, for various reasons at one time or another.  Now, however, everyone is in a pretty good place!   I am very thankful for that! We all have someone to love, who loves us.

The next thing on my "thankful" list would be a good, solid and loving marriage.  Gerry is an exceptionally supportive and helpful husband.  There is no stress or conflict between us.  We are at ease with each other and the lives we have created for ourselves.  Long ago we figured out that 'the world' is a dangerous place where people will  not have your best interest at heart ---but home should be a place of harmony where one feels absolutely safe.

And the third thing on my thanksgiving list is.....I am thankful for good health. Too often I am unappreciative of how good and faithful my body is to me!  I am likely to focus on how it does not necessarily conform to the size or shape I wish it were.  But I am the beneficiary of really amazingly good health,  to this point at least.   I have rarely been sick.  My injuries have been minor.  I am disease free. I am thankful for every day that my health has been good.  I do hope for many more good years.  And the grace to deal with whatever happens after that.

The list goes on, of course.  A faith that keeps me on the right path, and gives me strength.  A warm home and running water. Good food.  Friends.

I am thankful to live in the country that I do, even though I've done nothing in particular to deserve all the privilege that comes with that.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!

Security Versus Dignity

This is an opinion piece, which I do not usually do on my blog.  But I am so distressed by the developments relative to airport security and the resulting physically invasive pat downs, that I feel the need to express that.   I am horrified by what I am  reading that people are having to go through.  One example:  a woman was forced to removed her breast prosthesis which she wore as the result of a mastectomy.  I cannot imagine the humiliation of that, nor the emotional damage.  All this also makes me wonder at what age an adolescent has to submit to this physical invasion of privacy.  Such an experience could be terribly traumatic.  And in particular, all those who have already experienced sexual abuse of any kind should not have to endure this.  

At some point,  common sense should prevail over fear and the need to keep the masses safe.  I understand that they do not use this kind of physical pat down on all passengers in Israel, the most security conscious airport in the world.  They do not assume that every person flying is a potential terrorist.  There have to be other strategies to employ.

The thing I hate the most is that a few terrorists who hate Americans and are out to kill them, can have such a negative effect on our entire culture.  Thanksgiving travelers going to family get-togethers are now to be subjected to the discomfort of airport security, with delays and protests.  My daughter and her husband going on their honeymoon in January now have this to dread.

If I measure the risk against the potential danger of NOT conducting pat downs on every individual who goes through the airport,  I, for one,  would chose the lessened sense of security over the total invasion of privacy.  (the airport from which we fly does not have the scanning machines, so that is not an option)

I remember well the mantra immediately after September 11 2001.  "If we stop living our lives the way we ordinarily would,  the terrorists have already won."

In more ways than we could ever imagine,  freedom is already gone.

Solving the World's Problems

Not long ago, I had lunch with a friend.  She was lamenting all the social disadvantages of being a widow.  Let's just call her "Linda".  Let us hope that Linda does not read this blog!  (which I think is doubtful).

Since I am not a widow,  I cannot really know or imagine what that is like, in social situations, to be a lone female.   But at one point in my life,  I was a divorced woman with three small children, and that certainly had its social challenges, so I'm not entirely clueless.

I think one of the most interesting things that Linda said was that when she is in social situations where there are couples, she always prefers the conversation of the men (and that gets her in trouble).  She doesn't particularly gravitate toward women's conversations.  I must say I found that stunning.  For a moment, I took that personally,  imagining that conversation with me was boring. (which hopefully is not always true!)

As I have reflected on that since,  it makes it clear to me how far apart we are in our conversational preferences.  What Linda meant is that she prefers conversations that deal with solving the world's big problems.  I have noticed that when we talk, that is the kind of conversational item she seems to prefer.  While I am aware of all the big problems in the world, and try to keep up with them, and read about them,  I am not at a point in my life when I feel the need to solve them.  I do think deeply about such matters,  but that is the one thing that I most wanted to leave behind since retiring from the ministry.  Every social ill and cause, both local and international, crossed my desk daily.

One of the largest elements of ministry was just that.....that the world holds you accountable for all its evils and failures, and you, clergy-person, are supposed to have the answers.  I don't have the answers!  And since I don't have the answers, I don't enjoy talking about such things as human sex trafficking and economic woes.  [I am perfectly happy to let Gerry and all his lunch friends solve the world's problems!]

Now I strongly prefer to be more like a 'normal woman' and talk about relationships---children, grandchildren, weddings, recipes, home decorating, etc.  Ironically, one of my biggest retirement goals was 'cherishing and nurturing friendships'.   Those were hard to both make and maintain during full time ministry.  Now I am enjoying doing both!

The Howling Wind

Lately, our weather pattern has been producing some high winds.  When I am inside the house and the wind is howling outside in this haunting way,  I realize that it causes a constriction in my 'solar plexis'. [gut].  It produces some kind of mild anxiety.  That is true mostly when it is cold, not so much in other seasons.

 I do not believe this has to do with fear of natural disasters such as hurricanes or tornadoes.  Now that I mention that, however,  I am remembering 2005 and.Hurricane Katrina.  I had gone to Tupelo, Mississippi to visit my mother in a nursing home.  I had flown there despite the clear hurricane warnings, certain that what happened on the coast would not affect anything that far north in the state.  That was not exactly true, as 60 mile per hour winds howled outside my Best Western door, blowing signs and trees all about, causing power outages.  Perhaps that experience plays into my 'wind fear'.  For a while, there was no regular or cell phone availability, and I was unable to get in touch with my family to let them know I was all right.  Part of the anxiety and fear then had to do with worrying about being able to get back home. There was also a gasoline shortage there all of a sudden.

That other knot of anxiety in my gut comes from a time when I lived alone with three small children, in a duplex out in the country, not having anyone on whom I could call.   That year winter was consistently 20 degrees below zero with howling winds and drifting snow (and a very long driveway).  I don't think I have ever felt more completely desolate and isolated and alone. Fighting the elements, I constantly worried about being able to get to my children's places of care to pick them up after work. There was no back up person to help with that, should something go wrong. We all survived.

 Perhaps both of those experiences contribute to my 'howling wind anxiety'.   I wish it were not there.  As a child and youth, and young adult, I loved the wind.   Feeling the wind blow on my face was a thrilling experience.   It still is, or can be under the right circumstances, but there are also other deeply rooted feelings that can get in the way.

I wonder if that is simply a matter of getting older, or if it has to do with the power of memory.  It is known that memory is evoked through smell.  No doubt that is also true of sound.

High howling winds bring up feelings of desolation, of not being able to get home, or to my family.  Needless to say,  those are not good feelings.

Circuit Riders, Church Architecture and Culture

It occurred to me today, a day when I was filling a particular pulpit for the first time,  that 'doing pulpit supply' is a lot like being a Circuit Rider.   In the olden days, preachers on horseback went from place to place  (and of course they were always male).

I go by car today,  but I suppose that there are some similarities.  One is not there every week.  One comes from somewhere else to lead worship.  One will find very different congregations, of every style and color, preferences and traditions.  The church where we were today has a very beautiful sanctuary, which includes a dome shaped ceiling with lovely architectural details.   The beams depicted below were not part of the structure,  but some of the other particulars are similar.

Church architecture is always fascinating,  though of course, Protestant churches lack the ornateness of our Catholic brothers and sisters.  I do enjoy seeing the variety among the various churches where I visit or preach.   Some are pristine and beautiful,  though the congregation is probably aging.   Sadly, that is the direction of many of the mainline churches of the northeast.

A similar decline is not happening in the southeast.   The difference has to do with the church and its relationship to the culture of the region.   In the south today,  the church is still the focus of ordinary peoples' lives.  There are "family life centers" where all the sports are offered, and typically, a 'majority' of the population attends Christian schools.  So---worship, sports, and school are all part of the one institution.

That arrangement would never be acceptable "up north".   And I certainly understand the reasons why.  There, the lines are blurred between culture and religion.  Here they are carefully separated.  Sometimes I wonder if the "northern"  end result might be less appealing.  I suppose one can never predict what the "unintended consequences" of a particular public policy or decision might turn out to be down the line.

The picture I am including here is the only one I have ever found which appears to have a female leading worship  (though I cannot be 100% certain).

A Presentation in December

I was invited to speak at one of the Thursday night dinners in December on my journey into ministry.  At first I did not think that such a narrative could generate any outline or pictures to go along with it.   Last night, after seeing the presenter's Power Point presentation,  I was inspired to enliven my verbal narrative with a Power Point summary, with "bullets" of information and photographs.

I actually ended up working on that for much of the day.  And I had forgotten just how much I always enjoyed that particular task.  At my last church, I prepared power point presentations to accompany my sermons, something I have not done in a long time.   It involves colors and design;  it needs layout and pictures;  it requires thought and creativity.  Just so much fun!

Although it is largely a personal story, I was able to embellish it with major life events and a few photographs.  Now, I am actually much more comfortable with my presentation, having the summary version projected to guide me.    Part of the presentation is sharing some vignettes from my ministry, and those will have to be read.   Hopefully, I will be able to ad lib my "journey" narrative.

It is a fun assignment and opportunity.  I am looking forward to it, though it will be so close to Christmas, I can't imagine that anyone will come.  My stories from ministry are all from actual Christmas experiences.  Reading them today was certainly a trip down memory lane!

No Sudden Moves

It is a beautiful sixty degree November day.  We decided  a few days ago that we would take advantage of the heat wave by playing tennis.  I agreed, as long as I could play without making any sudden moves.  To be perfectly honest,  I am feeling a little vulnerable at the moment with an injured left shoulder, right sciatic nerve problem, and two weak knees. None of it is serious, and will heal in a few weeks,  but it adds up to enough for me to want to be very cautious.  Fortunately, my right arm is fine.

After we had been playing a while, I realized that tennis is a great game for playing, even if one is impaired.   You can still play with whatever workable parts you have left!  I remember the tales Gerry would tell about playing with his Cornell geezer friends, many much older than he, with various physical limitations, one even with a permanent catheter!  Gerry has also played against opponents in the senior games who could barely walk,  but in the range they could reach, they were fierce competitors, and their seeming disabilities were very deceiving.

We played for a good hour with no injuries!  Perhaps in the future when I play tennis,  I should be more aware of my age and delicateness.   I certainly do not wish to be immobile!

What a beautiful blue sky day it is!

Introvert or Extrovert

Yesterday at lunch Michelle and I were having a conversation about being either an introvert or an extrovert.  It seems that each one of us has been both at one time or another, over the course of our lives.  As a child she was not an introvert, but as adult, has definitely gone that direction.  On the scale toward introvert, she would probably be at least at 90%.

Early in my life I was an extrovert;  then I had a long phase when I was much more introverted.  Toward the end of my ministry, I felt as if I were so introverted that it was quite difficult to always be "on" in the required interactions of my position.  

At this point, in retirement, the pendulum seems to have swung back.  I am much more of an extrovert now.  I do believe that both personality and life circumstances contribute to that.  One is born with the one and not with the other.

Michelle told me about a new term I had not heard:  ambivert!    That term, of course, describes a person who would be right in the middle at 50% both.   I think that must be what I am.  Sometimes I fall off the vert fence onto the intro side;  other times, onto the extro side.

And while I am much more inclined to be an extrovert these days,  I will confess that that has a time limit. Three or four hours of being engaged in a one on one conversational situation is about my max.  Then I need a solitude break.  I can handle five or six hours in a group setting,  but then I need a nap!

If that is what an ambivert would be like, then that's what I am.

Of course, no one label can ever describe a person completely, which is an important thing to remember!

On Being the Previous Pastor

I am now attending a church where I once served.  I am a retired clergy in the congregation.  That means I get to see what it feels like from this side of the fence.  In my last pastorate,  I had numerous retired clergy in the congregation.  I was always glad to have them there, mostly, though it did seem to me like their presence affected my ministry in various ways.  Had they just been retired clergy, that would have been one kind of thing to deal with.  But they were retired clergy who had served that particular congregation, where I was now the pastor.

It was subtle, the effect, and it had to do mostly with thoughts and comments about 'how it was back when they were in charge'.   Those comments did happen from time to time.  I think they slowed progress for the current pastor, as they invited looking backward, rather than looking forward.

Currently, I believe my situation is somewhat different. I am from a different denomination, and was never in charge, serving only as associate.  It does seem, however, that the senior pastor is concerned about my presence for the next associate pastor.  A new interim is coming on board tomorrow. As we only attend worship, and I am intentionally staying in the background, there is no context for me to make any comments, nor would I anyway.  Hopefully the new person will not be intimidated by my presence.  I wish her well.

But I do acknowledge what a difficult situation it is for any retired clergy person to find just the right place to worship in their retirement.  One needs a comfortable order of worship and an acceptable theology coming from the pulpit. One needs to feel welcome.

I guess I can understand why some clergy end up in their retirement, not attending church at all.  For me, that's not an option, but I do understand the challenges.

Birthdays and Celebrations

Tomorrow I am taking my daughter out to lunch for her birthday.   It is a few days later, but close enough.  Granddaughter Emma's birthday is coming later this month.  Usually, she has a birthday party.  I don't know if that will happen this year, as Brenda is having house guests during that time frame. Two of Gerry's grandchildren also have birthdays the first week of November.  With our family,  it seems like someone's birthday is always coming up.  There are a bunch of them in April  (most of the male Rehkuglers).  There are birthdays and anniversary in September, and now a new anniversary as well, so that will make two birthdays and two anniversaries all in September.

Gerry has been writing and pondering about puns and limericks this evening.  He could not get his creative juices going to write one, so just to show off,  I gave it a shot:

I have a daughter named Michelle
 who doesn't like birthdays so well
  If gathering, its best not to mention
for she really doesn't love the attention
So we surprise her and simply not tell.

  It's just a limerick, but mostly accurate, I think.  At least I don't ever remember Michelle agreeing to have a large gathering for her birthday.  I do think she usually declines such invitations.   At least we all got to enjoy her being the center of attention for her wedding, which even she enjoyed!

To my knowledge, her anniversary will be the only family celebration in the month of August!

A Horse Race

I'm going to watch a horse race today.  I'm not really a racing fan and don't know much about it.  I have, however, read and seen some of the press on the champion Zenyatta, with a 19 win -0 loss record.   If she wins this race, she will make history.  Of course, she has already made history,  but this would (will) seal the deal.

Everyone will be cheering for Zenyatta,  even those who are racing against her.  I think my interest is piqued because this horse is female, and she will be racing against "the males".   The article I just read said that to really prove she is a true winner (or something like that) she has to beat the males.  For that reason alone,  I will be cheering my heart out for Zenyatta.

I watched a big race some years back where the female horse was racing against the males.   I do believe that she won the race, but unfortunately, died in the effort, so that took the joy out of both the race and the victory.  As I recall, she had three broken legs from the final moments and had to be put down.

So, for the girls, Zenyatta,  run and stay well!   And win if you can,  if that is what destiny has in mind.  It does seem like a lot of pressure to be carrying the load for not only horses and trainers and riders, but females everywhere!

I believe you can do it!   (But I also want to see you enjoy your retirement!)
[which begins just after this race, one way or another.]

To the Movies

Gerry and I do not go to the movies that often.   When we do, we generally rotate.   A Chick flick for me.  An action movie for Gerry.  Our last movie together was 'chick flick'  Eat Pray Love.  So it was definitely Gerry's turn. On Wednesday, we went to see his choice--Red.  That apparently stands for Retired Extremely Dangerous.  There was quite a line up of famous movie stars in this movie, from Oscar winner Morgan Freeman and Helen Mirren, to Bruce Willis, and so forth.   It was a story about a group of retired CIA agents,  those who were all trained at the 007 level. The plot line centers around one retired CIA agent who is obviously on someone's hit list.  He doesn't understand why or who, and searches out his old retired buddies for help.

Thus we have an ensemble of characters and an hour or so of shoot-em-up scenes with high powered guns, whose names I do not know.   Even the Helen Mirren character is packing heat power with automatic weapons, and shooting people right and left.  While the movie was definitely an effort to be a comedy,  I myself find it hard to guffaw at shoot-outs and dying people,  though the whole thing was pretty outrageous.  And I think that perhaps, it was the outrageousness from whence the comedy was supposed to come.

But the really fun and interesting thing is....we had the whole theater to ourselves!  It was clearly a movie for geezers, with geezer characters, and two old geezer movie-goers.   That was our first experience at being the only two people in the theater!  We could talk and whatever, because there was no one to disturb.

I'm just not an action movie kind of girl.  I did enjoy this one much more than the last Bond movie we saw, which was terrible.

I'm just glad that it's my turn, and if a really good chick flick comes out,  we'll be there( if for no other reason than to put Gerry through the same kind of misery I had to endure!)

My Blogging World

I must admit that blogging has become a very big part of my world since I first began it in December of last year.  The first time I checked into the "statistics",  I was simply bummed at the results.   Now I check regularly and am completely fascinated.  It is not the number of readers, so much, but the places from which they come.    If in fact what it reports is true,  I send greetings to those readers in Luxembourg, China, Netherlands, Ecuador, Ukraine, and so forth.   It is surely a mystery how any of those folks could end up on my blog.  Even my daughter says she has trouble finding it!

I also used the print option and recently converted my blog to a printed book.  Originally, I wanted to give a couple of blog-to-print as gifts, but the whole thing, in vivid color, was more expensive than I anticipated.   So I got one for me, and a black and white version to give to a dear old friend, who hopefully will be able to read it. She is in rehab at the moment.  The printed version of the blog is a real treasure with photographs of important family events during the past year, as well as a record of thoughts and feelings, hopes and dreams.  It is a vastly improved written journal, from anything I could have done in some other format.

Gerry also has a "geezer" blog.  It is primarily about skiing, during the season, and about "geezer-hood" the rest of the year.  It provides a great conversation point between us.  "Did you read my blog today?"  "What did you think?"  "Interesting blog!"  .....and so forth.   Occasionally we even discover something about the other we may not have known before.

So, all in all, the writer in me,  and the retired person in me,  is grateful for my blogging!   I am especially happy to have readers,  family and friends, and folks from far away places.  Thanks for being a part of my world!

The Age of Wisdom

I like thinking of the current stage of life that I am in as "the age of wisdom".  That makes me happy.  And if it is true (which I think it is) then surely it is well earned!   It turns out that the book Composing a Further Life was a dud. Gerry and I both agreed that once you got past chapter one,  it was pretty worthless, with convoluted personal interviews and case studies.  But it had some good "bones" to it,  if the writer had just been able to use the bones to build on, which she did not.

She described the stages of one's development and the basic strengths (and potential pathologies) attached to each one.  This was the part that I liked.  It was provocative and caused me to think about my own life stages and perhaps what themes might be associated with them.  I shortened her chart  and put the general concepts into a different block of years (using the number 11, a number I like).  Here are just a couple of the terms from my own chart.

Age 34-45        Time of Creativity and Identity
Age 46-57        Time of Productivity and Engagement
Age 58-69        Age of Awareness and Wisdom

The last stage, however many years one attributes to that, I see as the age of peace and joy.   Or at least, that is as it should be!

One can hope and dream.  I do, and I often write those down!