Still Unsettled

It has been two and a half years now since my retirement from full time ministry.  And I do have to admit, that in my mind, my relationship with both ministry and the church is still unsettled.   With the ministry it is unsettled,  because I still love to preach.  (Unfortunately, that privilege only comes with the full responsibilities of a church, which I do not want).  So I am conflicted there.  But I suppose when it comes to my relationship with the church, I have probably always been conflicted.

 As a child, I didn't love being a preacher's kid. Yet, I was formed and shaped by the church experience. As a fully ordained minister, there were parts I didn't care for (capital campaigns, financial challenges, PA systems, major maintenance, statistical reports, etc.)   It is unsettled with the church because I haven't entirely adjusted to just being the person in the pew, nor completely figured out which pew.

Perhaps two and a half years just isn't long enough to remake one's identity.  It certainly took much longer to become that clergyperson!  Maybe unbecoming just takes longer!