Christmas Letter

Years ago, I stopped writing those multi-copied Christmas letters you receive inside a Christmas card.  Instead, I decided that I would write a personal note in each one.  It seemed presumptuous to me to assume that anyone would want to read a two page epistle about our lives.

I'm not going to do one this year either,  but if I were, I know just what it would say.  It would go something like this.

With our large extended family, we enjoy many family events and celebrations.  Bar Mitzvahs,  grandchildren's plays and volleyball games.  Birthdays, anniversaries, family meals and visits.  Next year will bring the first great-grandchildren into our lives  (Gerry's).

Gerry and I enjoy playing tennis as many days as possible during the season.  During the winter, he skis and I domesticate.  (read, sew, cook, clean, write, shop, lunch, etc.)

In the New Year, we are looking forward to celebrating our thirtieth wedding anniversary.  This is our "big one", in lieu a fiftieth.  We had celebrations at our tenth and twenty fifth. This is our equivalent golden anniversary celebration because we doubt we'll make it that far.  We're going to plan a dinner with a slide show and entertainment for our family and friends---really something to look forward to.

We are very blessed to enjoy good health, which makes everything else possible.  Every day of life is a gift to be cherished.  While we may not travel a great deal and lead exciting lives by other peoples' measures,  I am confident that we do live full lives, overflowing with a maximum of love and joy.

Tis the season.

Leading

Once in a while, I must admit, I really miss leading worship.  I put it that way, because for me, leading worship was by far my favorite aspect of the ministry.  I relished every single aspect of that, and planned ahead in three month blocks, in order to maximum participation by others, and to facilitate the most high quality worship service possible.  While I do/did love preaching, for me, worship was always about the entire service and how it all fit together, not just about the sermon.  The scripture for the day was always the foundation around which the rest was built.  I would not be shy about saying this is something at which I excelled, and had significant gifts.

But of course, leading a congregation has so many other aspects to it. There was also the need for pastoral care, and for counseling. At tending to the spiritual needs and nurturing of the flock , I do believe I was more than adequate.

Leading an organization (local church) requires a completely different skill set, and being a leader in an organization (denomination) requires a kind of toughness that I never could quite muster.  It is this last category that contributed the most to my decision to retire.  If ministry were all about worship and people, I'd still be at it.   But it is also about business and management, meetings and numbers. I managed to do these things as required,  and with success, but never with passion and joy.

If ever an opportunity comes along that is mostly about leading worship,  I'll grab it!  But in my heart I know that "church" is far more complicated than that.

Once in a while, I sorely miss having the opportunity to use my gifts.

Women's Shoes

One of the things that I notice these days is women's shoes.  At a meeting where a group of women are gathered  (and at meetings I attend, they tend to be over fifty),  I always look around at everyone's feet.

I remember with some fondness (and a lot of pain) those very spiky high heels that women once wore.  Back when I was working at the university, I used to park in the parking lot a significant distance away, and walk to my office in four inch heels.  Of course, that is probably the reason why I have such terrible foot problems today. Nowadays, women are more practical and walk in sneakers, and carry their dressier shoes with them.

 There is still a tiny bit of me that wishes I could wear heels.   Of course the days of wearing high heels are long gone.  One inch heels would be good;  two inch would be even better.  Even those days are long gone as well.

   Even dressy flats would be a joy to wear.   But I have to use orthopedic inserts in my shoes because of plantar fasciitis issues.   I also need thick soles on my shoes, for the same reason.  Fallen muscles;  fallen arches. Sixty plus and fallen everything!

Sadly, I must admit that now my shoes often look like the "old lady" shoes I always wanted to avoid wearing.  I couldn't understand for the life of me why older women would wear "old lady shoes".   Now, I understand completely.

There really is no choice in the matter at all!


I do remember envying Frieda, a wonderful ninety year old lady from one of my churches.  I was so impressed when she wore high heeled boots to her birthday party.

Another observation I've made lately---the older women who wear heels are very slight of build.  I guess the feet stay healthier when they don't have very much to carry around.

 Here's the bright side.  With the right sneakers, and the right inserts, I can play ninety minutes of vigorous tennis.   That is worth more to me than any pair of shoes I might wish I could wear!

Phone Call

Yesterday morning I received a very shocking phone call.  It was from a friend with whom I had just had lunch the day before.  I was surprised to hear her voice so early in the morning.  She said she had sad news to share, and went on to tell me that the pastor of her church, who has only been there for three years, was traveling with her daughter in Portland, Oregon, and unexpectedly passed away.  She thought she had a pinched nerve in her leg,  but that turned out to be a blood clot.

I served a church not so long ago, where they lost their pastor to cancer.  For a congregation to lose a beloved pastor is a traumatic, painful, and long-lasting loss.  The  clergywoman who just died is probably ten years younger than I am, so that also makes the news even more shocking.  I do know her from having worshiped at that church, though I could not claim a personal relationship.  When a pastor preaches weekly and shares their faith, hoping and trying to inspire others,  the congregants all at least feel like they have a deep personal relationship with their minister.

It's hard for me to even imagine what those folks will have to go through, and it will take a long long time to recover.  In fact, the grief will last for years. I wish there were some way that I could help.  I did offer.

My heart goes out to that family, to my friend, and to all the folks who are still trying to get their heads wrapped around such an unexpected death.

In a moment, with no warning, it can all be over.

Not Publishing

 A friend recently read my blog about not publishing my book (novel), and suggested e-publishing.  I 'asked Google' about that last night and learned quite a bit about the process.  There are multiple "electronic publishers" out there, from Barnes and Nobles, to Lulu, to Amazon.    They serve as the "holder" of the book  (store), but one still has to sell their book,  have a marketing strategy,  get the word out. [They suggest standing on street corners handing out flyers.]

I immediately decided that would not work for me. Of course, I had to take a good hard look and figure out why I would immediately throw up that "stopper".  I think there are multiple reasons, some more complex than others.

First, I felt that most of the people I might want to tell about my book being in the "store" are not really all that computer proficient.  I have one friend with a Kendle reader, but I don't think that many of my generation and acquaintances are into that.  To purchase a book on-line, one has to download it to an electronic device, such as a reader or an iPad.

Second,  I discovered that I am much too shy to "promote" myself.  This has always been true, even when that promotion would definitely be expected and beneficial.  That no doubt comes from my childhood,  where one was never expected to build themselves up, think too highly of themselves, or think you are better than anyone else.  (I wonder now if perhaps that mostly applied to women?)


The more complicated reason has to do with the book itself.  It has some really dark sections.  It has sexual content.  It is just not like me at all!  At least, not like the upbeat and cheerful (and the pastorly image) I like to convey.   Of course, when I wrote the book,  I had intended that it be entirely secular (thinking that as a retired person I would have removed all the clergy constraints].   In reality,  it has much spiritual, biblical, and religious content--so much so that I seriously doubt it would appeal to any 'mass market'.

I really do believe that it is a well written book of women's literary fiction.  Perhaps the hang-up is that I find it hard to promote, because its content is contrary to my self-image.  All of this is true, plus more that I am choosing not to reveal here.

But maybe, just maybe, the bottom line is that I cannot handle the rejection.