A Good Guess

We've just attended grandson and grand-daughter-in law's baby shower.  This is a picture of Gerry and the expectant mother, Haley, and great-grand-daughter, soon to be.

I made a lovely baby quilt, which somehow I never thought to take a picture of, and wish I had.  It was so sweet. (and it was much appreciated).

There was cake and ice cream, decorating onesies,  opening presents, and some guessing the number games.   One glass container had tea lights;  one had individually wrapped candies, and the third was filled with M&M's.   I only guessed on the last one.  I turned the glass jar over and got a good estimate of how many M&M's there were on the bottom layer. Then I counted how many layers up there seemed to be.  Then I multiplied.  Math has never been my greatest skill, but it worked for me this time.  I guessed the closest number and won the jar of M&M's!  Of course, they are only for display, not to eat!

Do you hear that, Gerry?

Process Versus Results

I have always been big on setting goals.  But when I was serving a particular church, it bothered me that the primary goal they always set was "to get more people in church".    Of course, that is what we all want, and is a biblically sound goal.  I could not have articulated exactly why I thought that was the wrong goal, but I always did. I knew I wanted the focus to be on how we were being the church, rather than the end result of numbers.

I just read a chapter in a book  (Christian Caregiving:  A Way of Life, by Kenneth Haugk), which clarified that frustration for me. The chapter is about the differences between process goals and results goals.  What follows is a summary of the main thoughts in that chapter, which I want to put together for my own edification.

Goals are helpful, but in Christian theology, results are primarily what God accomplishes.   We, of course, have goals to "press on toward---the upward call of God in Christ Jesus"  (Phil 3:14)   But overall, scripture directs us toward the  process of Christian living, and toward the goal of spiritual growth and renewal.  Results and outcomes are God's turf.

Rather than the bottom line of church work being about getting "more bodies",  the focus should be on the process.  Process words are:  providing, comforting, accepting, helping, relating, encouraging, communicating, sharing.

This focus is not unlike any athlete or team, who needs to concentrate on what has to be done at any given moment--guarding, passing, receiving, scoring, dribbling, blocking.  If the players focus on the championship, or the trophy, or the super bowl ring or the outcome, there is a much greater chance of losing than winning.  Victories are the results of many things being done well.

Same way with the church.  People who come will want to come back, and stay if the church does all the little things well----greeting, welcoming, accepting, informing, presenting the best worship service, or music program, or most excellent educational program.

So, Church, listen up.  To ask: How can we get more people in here is the wrong question!  Rather, ask:  How can we improve the ways we relate, invite, integrate?  How can we provide excellence in service and program?

NYC Ballet

This was my first live ballet experience.   Nor am I especially well informed about ballet.  The performance we attended was in three parts, three movements, three acts, each completely different, with different stars and accompanying dancers.

I learned that the men do not do the dancing on tiptoe;  they simply support the women, lift them and twist them around in various positions, while they are on point.  I think they males have the easy part!

I would make the observation that ballet is mostly about the music.  It is as much about the orchestra and the musical selections as it is about the dances.   The first of the three performances was good;  I enjoyed it. (In G Major)  The music was fine.  On a scale of one to ten, I would rate my enjoyment at about a six.   The second of the movements was entitled In Memory Of.  The  music throughout the piece was a slow funeral dirge.  My enjoyment was at about a two level, though the dancing was lovely.

The third act was lively, upbeat, frivolous and extremely funny. (The Concert)  I enjoyed it at a ten plus!  In fact, there were many times when we laughed out loud.   In addition to the lively music and fun costumes, there was a clear story, and characters with distinctive parts---not just the star dancers and the dance company.

I'm glad for the opportunity to see a ballet.   It is something I always wanted to see---ever since that time I was in college and a live ballet came to my campus,  but I didn't have enough money for tickets.

Picture It

At a recent ladies gathering, some women were talking about advice on de-cluttering, condensing down, de-cumulating.   One de-cluttering expert said that if you have special objects of sentimental value, you don't necessarily have to keep the object.  Rather, you can take a picture of the object and keep that, and refer to that if memory dictates.  After photoing the object, the directions included storing that picture in cyberspace on the cloud  (whatever that meant). [dropbox.com I guess].

 I do value the family photos taken over the years, though I don't make copies of very many now that I take digital pictures and upload them onto the computer, and often the blog.

Two blogs ago, when I wrote Decidedly Personal,  I got out some old photo albums.  One old picture of me fell out of its sleeve in an old album, and I looked at it with utter amazement.  I think it is quite a pretty picture, though I don't ever remember looking this way.   Another way of saying that might be:  my internal self-image never seems to match where and how I actually appear at any given moment in time.

So, for old time sake, I am going to post that old photo of me here.  It was taken a few days after I married Gerry.  Must be I just still had that glow!

Art Gallery

On our way to the ballet, Vee and I took a short tour of a lovely art gallery.   It is amazing all the things that provide, produce, include, are considered "art".  One floor was designated "Japanese Art".  Another floor was entirely necklaces (not your usual) hundreds of them of all sizes and shapes, made from every conceivable medium.

For posterity,  I am including some photos here of some of my favorites.   I think the "Alice's House" was my favorite.  It was made of large ceramic rock-like pieces, obviously each one created, formed, fired, colored.

Approximately 12 feet wide, maybe 10 feet high.

The lighted rectangles on the wall were moving,  changed constantly,  with moving snow, then from day to night.

I did not care for the somewhat demonic nature of the stature to the right, but I absolute loved the fact that it was made out of re-cycled rubber tires......so clever, so well done.

Filaments made of paper and starch, a huge mobile

The Jones' Funeral

Yesterday, we attended the funeral of "Jack Jones" (not his real name).  During the years that the Jones children, and my children were growing up, we all attended the same church, and participated in worship, shared meals, talent shows, committee meetings, etc.

We actually departed a little over twenty years ago, when I went into the ministry and served elsewhere.  But we still have a few connections with that church, and many people remember us. For over a decade, we were church family together.  In addition, I officiated at 'Katie's' wedding, one of the Jones children, and a daughter's best friend.

It was always impressive to see the Jones family sitting in their pew, faithfully, ever week.   Jack and his wife, and their five children, always there.  That many offspring, and their spouses and children adds up to quite a large gathered family.  There must have been at least twenty five or so, as well as several of Jack's siblings.  And that provides a plethora of potential speakers from which to draw.   A number of the children, and even more of the grandchildren participated in the service.  The oldest son was clearly in charge, the son who became a clergy.  He introduced each speaker, and also spoke himself, as well as sang a duet with his daughter.

They always seemed like the "perfect family".  And the memorial service still conveyed that image.  (Of course, I do know that no family is perfect.)  Still, such events always make one think of how one's own funeral will be, who will speak, who will preside, what they will say, or even where it will be held.   One would hope that from among our seven children collectively, we can muster a few willing to say something about either Gerry or about me at our memorial service.  I know from my pastoral experience, however, that that is not always the case.

There were a number of people in attendance at the memorial service whom we have not seen in twenty years or so.  It reminds us of how much we have aged!  Time marches on, and does its damage.

The trick is to find joy in each day.  And I think we do!

Decidedly Personal

Back in December 2009, when I began this blog,  I was thinking more of it as a writing opportunity,  an opportunity to share this stage of my life.  At that time, I was still pretty much in my recently-retired mode of being.  I thought I might write about little insights and bits of pastoral wisdom.  I still had mostly a pastor's sense of self.  And since I did have an interim assignment for most of the year of 2010,  it was indeed my pastoral experiences that provided the basis of most of my blog writing that year.

In the two years since the beginning, a lot has changed.  One thing is--- I have put to rest the writer in me, having no more drive in that area.

 Also, it has been well over a year since I have been functioning as a pastor, and have managed to shed a good deal of my self identity as being primarily that.  Now, I tend to think of myself more as a parent, grandparent, parishioner, friend, retiree, person of leisure.

And with that transition,  I notice also that my whole intention around the blog has shifted to being much more personal, and family oriented.  In fact, I don't think it would be too far off to say that the blog has become my new "family album".   I used to take lots of camera pictures, get them developed, and put them in albums.  That went out the window with the arrival of the digital camera.   Truthfully,  I have never gotten many of the digital pictures developed or printed, and I don't maintain a photo album at all any more.

I did get the blog printed one year, and found that was a wonderful way to preserve my favorite pictures and thoughts.

I write this to acknowledge the change, and to recognize that readers from the public arena are not likely to find much of interest.  The content has become mostly personal.  I do not consider that either good nor bad.  It is simply part of the ever changing,  fluid, evolving stuff of life.

So be it.

Falling Snow

One can almost forget how very lovely snow can be.   It's January 13th, and a long time has passed with a "green" winter, though of course, it is more brownish gray than true green.  Today, there is a breast of new fallen snow (or something like that).  And it makes everything look fresh and new.

Gerry, the skier, of course is thrilled.   He has faithfully gone to the peak to ski in terrible conditions.  Today will be a very good day for him.  I have to drive in it to get to tennis.  A tennis teammate just called to ask if I can make it down the hill.  I said that making it down the hill will not be a problem.  It is making it back up that will be a challenge.  To get home the usual route, requires going up a pretty steep hill.  First, you round the curve, and then go up the hill, so there is no opportunity to get up any speed to get a "running start".   I can only trust that the plows will have been by, by the time I am ready to be home.

Thankfully,  Gerry decided not to drive the Smart Car today, and I was very glad. The tires on the tiny car are about the size of my hubcaps, if that!

I'm back from tennis, and it was indeed very "iffy" about getting up the hill, spinning and sputtering the whole way.  One of our foursome was stuck in her driveway and could not get there.  We were fortunate to be able to recruit a spontaneous substitute.   She has been trying to recover from multiple injuries, and has been rather tenuous about playing,  but she played well, and I think it gave her some renewed confidence.  In fact, the two of us won the set!   Can't complain about that!

Scrabble

For entertainment in the evening, Gerry and I are usually watching television, or working on crossword puzzles, or reading a book, or reading something on the computer.  We read different books, of course.  He works the puzzle in one newspaper;  I do the puzzle in the other paper.   We often watch different television programs on different TV's.  Tonight there was a moment when I had finished my book and did not have one waiting in the to-be-read pile. (have to go to the library tomorrow)  There was absolutely nothing of interest on television.  Gerry didn't seem to be occupied either.

So we decided to play Scrabble.   I hadn't even seen the boxed board game in recent memory.   But it was there in the cabinet with all the other games.   Clearly, it had not been used in a long time.  It was taped with duct tape 'for the move';  maybe the last one, or the one before, or the one before that.  I can't remember the last time we played.

So we played a game of Scrabble.  I figured he'd beat me by a long shot, considering his expertness is words, and puzzles, etc.   He's been doing crosswords for years;  I'm new at it.  Predictably, every time I had a word in mind, he took my spot!  It was an unusual game, because we managed to play every tile.  Since I drew the Z at the end of the game, I wasn't sure it would work out, but it did.  It was a pretty close game.  He only won by five points!

Of course, a lot depends on which letters one draws, and the possibilities on the board.  I think I could beat him next time!  I'd bet on it.

New Year's Eve

My experiences of, and feelings about New Year's Eve have changed with each decade.  There were times when I had a deep longing for all the parties and excitement and drinking and gala events.  

For whatever reasons, (probably many different ones) I never seemed to get invited to the party.  As a youth, that might be because I was the 'preacher's kid', and was excluded for that reason.  Later, I might have missed out on the invitations because I was the preacher.  In between, I had small children, or various other responsibilities that kept me from the party.   I do vividly recall early on how much I thought I was missing!

As time progressed,  it mattered less and less to me, that's for sure.  I do have some fond memories of inviting another couple or two to our house for games.   But drinking has never been a huge part of my socialization.  Now, I certainly do engage in an occasional glass of wine, and in my early 20's, did my share of partying, but I guess, party girl, I am not.   When I watch (on television)  the ball drop in Times Square, with all those people, I know without a single doubt, that is about the last place on earth I would want to be!

Being Sixty Plus makes missing New Year's Eve parties matter not at all.  Some years, to tell the truth, I've gone to bed before midnight.   Other years, I've stayed up, but Gerry has gone to bed earlier.  This year, we both stayed up together and kissed in the new year.

It was very gratifying to read on Facebook that others of my contemporaries had similar experiences---some stayed awake, others didn't make it until twelve o'clock.

Now, whatever gala parties I might be missing,  I grieve not at all.    Happy am I to stay at home and greet the new day, which doesn't even seem terribly different from the previous one.