Honor Guard

Last night's Sixty Minutes show was dedicated to stories about wounded soldiers.  It was very moving.  Perhaps the thing that surprised me the most was the need of wounded soldiers to return to the battlefield for a more proper departure.  I would never have understood that, had I not heard about a program that does just that.  There is just something about going back, and re-visiting the site of the place they left so abruptly, that is helpful in beginning the healing process.

I do so very much appreciate all those who serve in the military, even though my own personal choice would always be to avoid war.  That, of course, is not always possible, even though I wish it were.   I have my own personal/life experience reasons for not wanting to think about the military very much, and to leave it all in the past.

But I will say, that every time I see or experience any Military Honor Guard doing their rituals, I am always deeply moved.  There is just something special about the discipline.  Or the beauty of the precision.  Or the compelling sight of them moving in unity that touches my spirit.  Maybe it has to do with the bond among soldiers, and their willingness to lay down their lives for their comrades, which they often do.

Many times when I was officiating at a graveside service, and the deceased had been a soldier,  I would get chills to hear the bugle player, always out of sight, playing taps.   That sad, soulful sound would waft through the air.   Day's end.  Life's end.

Thanks to the brave young men and women in uniform,  who do what they do to serve their country, and our freedom.  May they be safe.

Favorite Snack

I watched Dr. Oz one day while cooking dinner, and discovered this snack, which I have now had several times.  It it called "popcorn cauliflower."   Only recently have I been tuning in to Dr. Oz from time to time.  He has lots of good tips on health and food and eating.   Prior to this recipe, I would definitely not have said that I was a big fan of cauliflower!

But honestly, cooked this way, now I am!   You remove the florets from the stem and break them into small pieces, actually about the size of popcorn.  Toss in a bowl with a little olive oil, or spray oil.  Add some salt and pepper and roast in the oven until brown.  One could add a bit of parmesan cheese to 'fancy it up' a bit.  It does not really get crunchy, as the name might imply,  but it is very tasty indeed.

Just wanted to share this little snack.  Now, every week when I go grocery shopping,  I buy a head of cauliflower to enjoy!

Commencements

Sunday is Cornell Commencement.   I used to work at the university and in those early years, I was always so thrilled by the Commencement Day festivities.  Specifically,  I enjoyed the Procession to Schoelkopf, and loved to hear the then President Rhodes give the address. No one could do it better!  I was usually working on those occasions, helping with the college gathering on the Arts Quad.

Gerry still does work at Cornell, and every year he participates in Commencement Day.  He has eight advisees graduating this year, and likes to be there to greet them, and perhaps their families.  It is only in the past couple of years that he has bought his own gown, and also his doctorate hood.  In earlier years, he would rent the gown, like the students do.

I think perhaps my favorite part was really the Procession.  A procession in my profession would mean that a group of clergy process down the aisle of the church or cathedral or gathering place.  This is nothing like that at all.  First, all the colleges gather on the Arts Quad.   They line up by college alphabetically, because each group enters Schoelkopf as a college, each with banner carriers.    Once everyone is in the stadium,  there are so many people, that folks sitting in the bleachers can barely see the graduates, who are so far away and so many.  To really see all the fun part,  one really has to watch the Procession.   The procession is half way across the campus, and takes at least an hour, if all goes according to plan.  There you see the unique things grads have written on their caps, or are carrying so their loved ones can see them in the crowd, or are wearing, either on their feet, or under their robes.  
There was always some sight that was very touching that would bring tears to my eyes.

There are probably thirty thousand people gathered in and around Schoelkppf, and three or four thousand graduates.  There could be nothing more disruptive than a deluge of rain during the morning hours.  There is really no other place to put that many people.  There is a back up plan, of course, but it loses its punch if the crowd splits to a variety of locations.   Mostly, in all the years that commencement has been held outside, it has not rained.  

But as luck would have it, when my firstborn Brenda graduated in 1992, it was 37 degrees and raining!  I remember it vividly.  The day before, it had been 85 and humid, and I was out shopping for sun screen!  But not on the day of commencement.  As I recall, we enjoyed it anyway, laughing at our bad luck.  

New York weather in May is just unpredictable!  My mother happened to come for Brenda's graduation, and that was the weather we got.  A few years later, she came on Mother's Day, and it snowed.  Seriously!!

On Cooking and Eating

Like everything else in my life,  my relationship with food has evolved and changed a great variety of times.  During the first stage, I ate the food of my childhood, southern food, mostly fried, and very vegetable oriented.  Meat was more of a side dish.  We had lots of fresh tomatoes, greens and cornbread with the 'pot liquor, ' creamed corn, and the like.

When I became a northerner, I had to learn a new way of cooking and eating.  For much of my adult life, with a sizable family, cooking was on a limited budget, and involved casseroles, pasta, spaghetti, and hot dogs.  Eventually,  I completely lost my taste for such things as black-eyed peas, which I now detest, and fried okra.

There is another layer to all of this, which is not the topic of this blog, and that is my relationship with food and its affect on my weight, a life-long struggle.  I would say that at this time, I understand the limits of what I can eat, and need to eat or not eat in order to be healthy.  That means that I have totally eliminated all fast food, and almost all processed food.  Much of this was in an effort to overcome a two decade long battle with acid.   I have definitely won that battle, an accomplishment of which I am greatly proud.

Another interesting aspect food and life, was my discovery of the Food Channel a few years ago.  This opened up a whole new world.  Up to that point,  I had only watched my own mother cook. I had to unlearn a lot of things associated with that.  Believe it or not, my mother always did her "chopping"  [which we now do on a cutting board]  in her hand!  She would hold the onion in her hand and slice it crosswise both ways, and cut off the diced pieces into the pan or bowl.  I don't think we even owned a cutting board!

In the ideal world, I would practice more of a European approach to cooking and eating. (at least this is my perception).   I understand that in many parts of the world,  where there are no super stores or Wegmans, people go to the market every day to procure their food for the day.   If one eats primarily fruit and vegetables, then going once a week just doesn't work very well.   Maybe I will eventually figure out how to do my shopping in two parts, twice a week.

I just started reading a novel and the main character is a fictional Food Channel star, which is what sparked this blog.  She made a comment:  Food is the new fashion.    I would change that statement  a bit and say that food is the new art form!   I have a daughter and son-in-law who are big "foodies".  (they eat out in fancy restaurants a lot).   And I have learned from her the art connection.  She often posts pictures on Facebook of the food art they consume.

It is interesting to ponder one's relationship with food.  We all have our passions. Everyone's is different,  for better or worse.

Clergy Gathering

            "To everything there is a season" certainly applies to how I felt today.  I attended a clergy session for my United Methodist conference.  (my old conference has merged with three others to form one larger one)  Today mostly, I felt like, there was a season for this---and it has passed.    I made a similar comment to one clergy colleague with whom I sat for a brief time, and she said to me:  "You worked very hard.  You really worked hard."

That brought back memories.  She was referring to all the work I did as Registrar for the Board of Ordained Ministry for eight years, which involved keeping track of many people, papers, details, policies;   it meant lugging around boxes of paperwork to various meetings and gatherings, writing very difficult letters to candidates who were not approved,  speaking before groups, scheduling, organizing ordination services, etc. etc.   I did work very very hard on behalf of my denominational structure.  I served generously.   And pausing to remember all of that, I suddenly felt very liberated!   I paid my dues.  I was committed, faithful, hard working, and took on a very high level of responsibility.

And so, I can let all that go now, without any sense of guilt.

Last year, this same gathering was held in Rochester.  Who knows where it may be next year?  Maybe I won't even feel obligated to go.  The size and time constraints have made it extremely impersonal.

I move on.  I move on.

Reinvented Lives

I feel like I have had six or seven very different lives,  or at least,  stages of life,  where I have had distinctly different identities, often in different locations.

If I had to name them, it would look something like this, though several of the time-frames and primary identities overlap.

Childhood and youth growing up in Mississippi, preacher's kid.

My twenties, single adult, first job, bad marriage, having babies.

My thirties, Cornell employee, raising children, getting married, Gerry's wife. Excellent marriage.

Ministry.  Being called.  Preparing.  Studying.  Being ordained. Taking on the clergy identity.  Serving.  This period spanned twenty years, and included residences in three different locations.  It also included Vee's years of school, Gerry's two cancers, my appointments.

Retirement. We decided to move to a town where we had never lived previously.   At most of the previous stages,  the center of life and activities, work and relationships,  was the church.  Retirement meant that we would not have a tailor made community.  We would not already know people.  We would have to re-invent our lives once again.
            In thinking about doing this, it occurred to me that there are many people who have never undertaken such an adventure.  Many folks live in the same town where they were born, and may leave briefly,  but return and live most of their lives in the same location.

I am most pleased with the progress we have made in our community-building endeavors, in a completely new location.  Gerry's socialization was pretty much already in place  (skiing buddies;  Cornell faculty folks).   I did not have any pre-existing group with which to engage, and have had to start from scratch.

I think I have "created" just exactly the kind of life I want.  I have church opportunities and friends,  tennis buddies, a ladies social group,  family contact and get-togethers, lunch with friends.

In my "dream book",  years ago,  I wrote down what I hoped my "ideal retired life" would look like.

And the wonderful thing is,  it looks just exactly like that!

Most Beautiful Day

This may well be the most beautiful day we have had so far this year.   No winds whipping about.  Clear blue skies,  perfect temperature.   I played tennis this morning and was very much aware of how georgous the weather is.

Gerry has gone to Vermont for a couple of days.  He will be back tomorrow.  A friend asked if it was a lonely time for me.  Well, it would be if it were any longer,  but it is so brief, I won't really have time to feel lonely.  I can make it "me time".   Of course, the truth is, I can pretty much do whatever I want to anyway, most of the time.  I suppose the biggest difference is that I am dedicating the day to only preparing and eating the foods that I want to eat.  So I am having no-meat, no-carb kind of "cleanse".   I am eating only fruits and veggies.  Doing without any meat is never hard for me.  Going without carbohydrates is the worst!

I have also planted some vegetables in the garden and some flowers in the flower bed.  Next I am going to go sit in the sun room and read my book.

I don't know exactly why it is, but suddenly, after weeks and weeks of silence, I am just bloggin' out like crazy.  Maybe I'm just bored and need "someone" to talk to!

Grey's Finale

I have been watching Grey's Anatomy for as long as it has been on television---probably at least eight years!  As I write this,  the season finale is playing. (currently in a commercial!)  I have watched those doctors lives closely and with great interest all these years, as if they are my own family!

There has been a plane crash.  Many of the main characters are mortally wounded, with terrible injuries.   The two main characters, Derek and Meredith, will surely survive, (because I read that they have re-newed their contracts for another season).  Derek, the world class neurosurgeon, has severe hand and arm injuries.   If his character ever recovers from that enough to do surgery,  I'll be amazed.

The main-character surgeons are all stuck on the side of a mountain, hoping to get rescued---at least those who survived.  Lexie, one of the very best characters, brilliant and kind---one of my most favorite characters, died!  So sad.  So young with so much promise.

It is almost like losing a real friend.  I will miss her!

 

On Being Special

I was just watching a Johnny Carson interview with Donna Summer, aired because Donna Summer passed away today.   She said in that interview, what I have heard other famous people say:   "I always knew I was special."   "I always knew I was born for greatness." [Oprah]   Etc.

Such a notion is unimaginable to me!   My own experience was quite to the contrary.  Anything but!   I suppose the truth is that in my childhood,  I was clearly kept in my humble place, as part of my Southern upbringing.  Seen but not heard.  There but not noticed. Present but not important.  I never felt even remotely "special", other than that God loved me.  I thought that was special, though not necessarily about me personally. That was more about God.

In fact, I was in my late twenties before I got the remotest clue that I might have anything special about me at all!   I was attending a particular church at the time,  and ended up taking on the responsibility for the pre-school associated with it.  In church one Sunday, I overheard someone say:  "Nancy is very talented."    This was phenomenal news to me!   In the primary relationship of my twenties,  I was constantly put down, which did not help my sense of self esteem.

So the idea of always having had some notion of one's greatness, or talent, or special-ness, is beyond my ability to comprehend.

When I married Gerry, I became special.  When I had children, I became special.  When I went into the ministry,  I became quite special to other people.  I suppose there is some merit to discovering later in life, that you are special, or have a special ability, or a particular gift, or a specific talent.

Discovering that you are special is something worth waiting for!   I am grateful to be able to get there at all.  Sadly,  I know many people never do!

Preaching Again

I am once again serving a church that I served as an Interim in 2010.   Now, however, I am only Pulpit Supply.  The congregation is between pastors, and without a pastor, so I am temporarily filling in until they get their next Interim.    I always thought that I would love preaching on Sunday and working from home, without all the other responsibilities.  But truthfully, no such thing exists.  Other church needs creep in, as to be expected.

A couple of weeks ago, I had a really special experience, a most memorable affirmation.   I recognized that the clergywoman who is the President of the Council of Churches was visiting in worship that day.   She also serves as the Chaplain at the College nearby.    After the service,  I made a point to seek her out and greet her and welcome her.

And she made a point of telling me how gifted she thinks I am.   Usually, I just sluff off any sort of kind remark, but she was very specific in mentioning the tone of voice,  the content of the overall message,  its impact,  the manner of the delivery.  Somehow, I was really able to hear that in a way I usually am not.   I think it meant so much because such kind remarks do not often come from clergy colleagues, at least in my experience.  Clergy tend to be quite restrained in their praise, as a rule.  But this woman gave me a really special blessing that day,  one I was able to fully receive.

I will long remember her words.   The real impact came from the insight that what I do is a gift from God.  I am an instrument.  Or as Mother Teresa once said:   "I am a pencil of God writing love letters to the world."   I love that image.