Top Five Regrets

I recently read an article re-published by AARP, written by Bonnie Ware entitled "The Top Five Regrets of Dying People".

Bonnie Ware worked for many years in palliative care.  When dying patients were questioned about any regrets, five common themes surfaced.   I found it a provocative topic.

I will list them here:

1.  I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2.  I wish I didn't work so hard.
3.  I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
4.  I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5.  I wish I had let myself be happier.

Reading that list actually made be feel very good about my life.   I don't really have any of those regrets.  In fact, I can honestly and truthfully say that all the dreams I ever had for my life have been realized.   I have no deep regrets or unfulfilled dreams.  That's a wonderful thing to be able to say in the waning years of one's life.

I did eventually get around to living my own authentic life, and not according to the expectations of others. That is a process that takes time and maturity.   The same is true of expressing my feelings. That took a while.  But I learned that not expressing one's feelings can be an unhealthy thing to do.  The trick for me there was learning that I could express my feelings, without having to attack or belittle or defeat the other person. Equally important,  the other person is not really responsible for my feelings.  They did not make me feel a certain way.   Their actions may have triggered my feelings,  but my feelings are my own responsibility.

At this particular stage of my life,  I am doing a much better job of staying in touch with friends.  That was one of my goals in my retirement.

Of course, there are things I would have done differently;  or perhaps better. I made mistakes, and bad decisions.    But I am confident that I always did the best I could with the tools I had to work with at that time in my life.