Burnout

I notice that I have only blogged one other time in the month of October.   I read that there is such a thing as blogger burnout.  I believe that I am suffering from that.  Blogging has been such a great 'writer's outlet'.   This December,  I will mark five years as a blogger,  assuming that I don't go up in flames completely before then.

I took a cursory look back and noticed that I have blogged anywhere from 2 to 25 times in a month.  The 25 times was in January 2010.  That was early on, and I was probably aiming for blogging every day.   It was also the dead of winter, and I was no doubt entertaining myself so that I would not be bored.

I don't quite know what to make of my blogger burnout.   Also,  I don't have any other writing project waiting to happen at the moment.  So maybe it is overall writer's burnout.  Maybe I have done everything I want to do,  am supposed to do, and my writing days are over.

Or else, I am in the waiting mode for the next project to present itself.   Ah, that's exactly what I'll say if anyone asks.   I am waiting for the next inspiration.

Another thing I have discovered is that I really like to write mostly for myself.  Opening myself up to public scrutiny is definitely not something I relish.   The one exception to that is with sermons. Those I DO relish opening myself up for publicly. I think that is because deep inside I don't think those are about me, but about the message.

With my second novel, the sequel Christina, the truth is that I have wanted to "keep that for myself".  I feel very protective about those characters.  I do not want them subject to criticism or being torn apart.  I have not really wanted to discuss that book with anyone.  I did it for me.

And how stupid is that?  What does that tell me?   Perhaps that being a writer is not for me!

So that's where I am---thinking that perhaps I am done with my writing thing.  It certainly has been a great run, though, I'll tell you that!   I won first place for writing in the community arts challenge I entered a few years back.   I gave six book talks in various places on In Its Time.   I wrote a sequel.

I have written an entire book of biblical monologues.  I have written poetry all my life.  In the past couple of years, I have written lyrics for two anthems, composed by an incredibly talented musician and performed by a marvelously talented choir.  In December,  an entire Christmas Cantata will be performed, to which I wrote the words.

Maybe that will be the absolute pinnacle and I simply cannot ever top that!

(Although I could blog about it!)

"Natural State"

I had an interesting conversation recently with my oldest daughter, with whom I share the characteristic of being an introvert.  Earlier in my life,  I did not realize that I am an introvert.   And for many years, I was "faking it",  by which I mean,  trying to be an extrovert in a world that prefers extroverts.  Certainly,  being a pastor does require quite a measure of extroversion.  One has to be "out there"  "up front", and "on".  None of those are my natural state.   By nature, I do not like to be in the limelight.

One of the things that I have learned in my senior citizen years  (in retirement) is that it is such a relief and a pleasure to find and be able to live in one's "natural state".

For example,  I so looked forward to waking up by my own biological rhythm.  I do that now, and even though it is much later than most folks get up,  I get up at exactly the same time each day, without an alarm.  Oh, how I hate those days which require getting up by an alarm clock!   I prefer moving slowly into the day.

This past Sunday was a real shock to my natural rhythm system.  I led worship services in Fayetteville, where the first service is at 8:00 a.m.  To be there required that I get up at 5:30 a.m.  There are two services, plus a coffee hour.  It takes a lot of energy to lead a worship service.  And of course,  everyone wanted to warmly greet me  (Gerry too), with lots of hugs.   I really felt such an overwhelming sense of appreciation and affection from all the folks there, and it was quite uplifting.

Then after the two services and the coffee hour, a good friend there had arranged a lunch for eight of us at a nearby place.  It was almost 3:00 when we got home.  I was so totally, completely depleted and exhausted.  It took a long long nap to begin to recover.

Don't get me wrong----I love to preach.  Writing a sermon is my all time favorite activity!  But that is no longer my "natural state".    It takes a lot out of me!

It's not that I don't like people.  I certainly do!  And if I don't have people interaction, I have to go and seek it out.   It's just that the range of time that I can do it has its limit.

We have done some traveling,  but it does disrupt the natural state.  I prefer being at home to traveling, because that way I can be better in control of my eating and sleeping habits.  I guess I'm a severe homebody who prefers my own environment.

It could just be that the older one gets, the more certain characteristics come to the forefront.  For me, that means being an introvert has become my most natural state.