About Writing

Recently, someone asked me if I was doing any writing these days.  And the answer is no.  Nothing really in the works.  I have not even been writing for this blog with any regularity or commitment.

As someone who has long considered myself a writer by inclination,  that might seem a little strange, odd, disconcerting... at least....to me.   I might say, by way of explanation, that I am waiting for inspiration. And that would be true, up to a point.

In the past few years, I have written and published two books.   Lifelong goal met!  I do consider that a major accomplishment.  I do think they are books worthy of being read.  I do not mind the isolation and concentration and total dedication required to write a book. In fact, that is my most natural state.
But I am not so keen on the process of marketing and promoting the books.  I loathe self-promotion.

I worked with two different companies in the publishing of my two books.   I knew exactly what to expect in terms of the services they offered.  My only goal really, was getting the books available to read, and in particular, to order on-line.  That was accomplished.   I did not have any financial goals, nor was I interested in keeping track of the number of books sold.  I did not have a marketing plan, nor did I want one. I learned that I am really not a good candidate for being a profession writer.   I do not care for being in the spotlight in that way.  I even felt very awkward and uncomfortable at a book signing event which someone else organized.

So I am completely accepting of the fact that I now prefer short term writing projects---sermons, lyrics to songs, ladies literary presentations, liturgies for worship services, poetry, blog.

 My discovery over the course of a lifetime is that having the inclination of being a writer, and being a professional writer are two entirely different things.  In the end, writing is something I do for pleasure, for myself. And it is not necessarily even something I would want to share with others.

Much of what I might want to reflect on in my writing is not even something I would necessarily want to post on my blog!

Tidy Drawers

There is a current bestseller titled The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up.   I have not read it, but something made me curious enough that I wanted to find out about it.  So I Googled the title.  There were several YouTube videos by the author, who is a Japanese professional organizer.  She explained that she usually goes into people's homes and gives them instruction.

I was absolutely flabbergasted to learn from the video that I had no idea at all how to arrange underwear and socks in my dresser drawers.  I have always folded my underwear, and laid it in the drawer horizontally, one on top of another.   The result of that is, of course, that you can only see the top pair of panties or socks.   When I look for something not on the top,  then everything automatically gets rumpled into a disorganized mess.

You need a shoe box.   Then you fold a pair of underwear into a nice flat little package and then stack them upright into the shoe box.  That way, all you see is the fold.  Once this is done,  you can see exactly the color that you want!

I was explaining this to my friends at lunch today, who were laughing so hard, tears streamed down their cheeks.  One said.  "All my underwear are white!"    Hmmmm....well, I guess  this style of organizing would be less exciting in that case!   Mine are an assortment of colors!

Over the weekend, I used the Japanese lady's strategy for organizing my socks and underwear, and I must say,  it certainly did bring me an enormous surge of happiness!!  (which I think is the point of her book).  

I have read in articles that her underlying theory is:  get rid of anything that does not bring you joy.

I do love the military precision of perfectly folded vertical underwear!!

Anyway,  here is the result of my labor.  (I am sure it is more information than most people want to know!!)

As you can see, the title of this blog has a double meaning!

The Beaten Path

This morning I decided to go to a different farm stand to get the corn on the cob.  Today is the day that the college students arrive in town, and I wanted to avoid any possible traffic.  The "new" place I wanted to go to is the opposite direction from town.  I happened to notice it because Amy Dickinson posted a picture of it on Facebook.

There are a dozen or so places I go regularly, and the truth is,  I generally always travel the same route, which is my preferred way to travel.  If I know the way, that's the way I want to go.

I looked on the map to see the location of this farmer's market, where I have never been.  I even wrote down the directions.  Right off of the main highway, and then a left off of that onto the road with the farm stand.

First, I went past the right turn off the highway, with my mind wandering, I guess! First thing I know, there is the next town in the distance.   I had to turn around and re-trace my steps back to make the appropriate turn.   To make a long story short,  I made four wrong turns on that relatively short, simple route to the farm!!  (In my defense, the roads had no name signs!)

I was thinking about getting so lost on the way home and wondering how that could have happened.  The first thing that I realized is that if I am not going to my dozen or so familiar places, then Gerry is driving.  When one is not driving, they do not really observe the way to get somewhere.  The other thing I realized  (besides my severe absence of a sense of direction) is that typically I always stick to the beaten path.

As a rule, I would say that is not a bad idea.  But sometimes, when one is driving, it is helpful to know an alternate route.  That is especially true when it comes to detours and road construction and such.

If I am driving in an unfamiliar town or city  (though it is not usually me doing so) and I encounter a detour sign, I have a panic attack,  because I do now know the way.  When one has no sense of direction,  not knowing the way can be a serious challenge.  Why, I have always imagined that a person could make a wrong turn in a big city and be lost for weeks!!  It is a scary thought!

Today's little journey off the beaten path did take me back down memory lane.  On one wrong turn, I saw a sign saying "Happy Way Day Care".   Daughter Joy spent some time there when she was young, though I am sure the sign was in front of a completely different house!  But that was 25 years ago, so who knows!

I am happily at home now, no worse for the wear.  I hope the sweet corn was worth it!   Sweet corn on-the-cob is something we only eat for the few weeks in the summer when it is fresh.

Maybe next time I need some, I'll go back to the farm stand where I know the way!!

Its Complicated

I have read somewhere in the past the theory that we choose our mates because there is some healing that needs to take place, because we all bring varying degrees of woundedness to any relationship.

I do believe that most of that process gets done at some deep subconscious level, and that it is quite possible that one might not even know that is going on.  And it can take many years to understand the results, if one ever does.

Gerry and I fell in love long before we knew each others' personal stories. Who I am and who he is at the core got unveiled over time.

When Gerry and I married, at least I can say with certainty, that I never had any intention of having another child. (though maybe he had such a longing??)  But there is something about a happy and loving marriage  (at least in our case) that makes one want to reproduce.  And so we did just that.

I can now say that there were probably other things going on at a deeper level.

Gerry has often expressed that his ex was not the nurturing-doting motherly type. Certainly my ex was not at all emotionally engaged with his children.(and essentially disappeared from their lives)   That meant that neither of us had ever had the 'loving parent' experience from our spouses, for our children.

I could certainly not say that I chose Gerry because I thought he would be a good father.  I thought he would be a good husband, for sure, and a good helpmate and companion as I/we raised the children I already had. [His were already grown.].

When we had our own child,  I got to see what it was like for a child to have an involved, loving, patient, emotionally engaged father.  He got to see a gentle, compassionate and nurturing mother. That hole was filled in each of our hearts.

Life is complicated.  And at the heart of it, is a deep deep mystery.

Looking Back

Yesterday, I was searching my computer for a picture of our house.   There is quite a collection of photographs on the computer.  I still remember the days of photo albums!  Now we keep photos exclusively on the computer, though I still have some albums from daughter Joy's early years.

Needless to say, viewing old photos was quite a trip down memory lane.  I would say that as a rule, I don't spend a lot of time looking back.  I like to think that I'm not old enough to be at that stage yet.  I still like to think about the future, rather than the past.

But I ran across one particular photograph of me,  which sparked a lot of feelings.  For one thing, it was such a momentous occasion in life that it motivated me to have a professional photograph made of just me---something which I have not done since, with the exception of church directory photos. For another thing,  I was considerably younger than I am now.  Now I am older and wiser, unlike that younger person who was still innocent,  hopeful, eager and prepared.  Or so I thought.

I had already had years of experience of church as a pastor's family member, living in parsonages, with life revolving around church activities.

By then, I also had considerable experience as a layperson in the church, active and involved in every aspect of church committees and structure.   So how big a jump could it actually be to the next step, being a pastor?

Bigger than I ever could have imagined!  It involved a change in one's image of oneself.  It involved "taking thou authority."    It involved leadership and inspiring others; budget management and facilities,   conflict management, mentoring others,  being set apart, growing a congregation, managing a staff,  being accountable to a connectional system,  meeting diverse expectations of parishioners. (To name just some of it.)  Needless to say, it also meant going against the grain of the expectation of clergy being male.

I have not yet completely shed the pastor-identity, which takes a really long time to take on, internalize.   I am still accepting invitations to do pulpit supply.  Maybe that will come to an end one day, too.  It has been 26 years since that process of "pastor-becoming" started.  Overall, I do feel quite good about my ministry years.  I am confident they were "successful", though success in the church, in my mind, at least, is measured differently from success in the secular world.

I am confident of this much:   I did it with passion and integrity!  

Being Home

It seems to be typical that as people age, they become more attached to their "things",  or more specifically,  their home environments.  It is not really about the material possessions.  Rather it is more about a sense of being rooted, belonging, being part of the earth in this spot.

The young still want to see the world and conquer it. The older, having already done that to the extent they probably ever will, prefer to exert influence and care in the little corner of the world where they reside.

I do not feel defined by the things around me, but I do feel comforted, nurtured.  As the world becomes increasingly strange and unfamiliar, the familiar takes on a greater place of prominence in one's life. I still have not mastered my smart phone, but I know all the nooks and crannies of my kitchen!

When we bought this house eight years ago, we thought everything was perfect.  Still, we have made constant changes and upgrades since day one.  That is the way one makes it "home", by imprinting it with one's own style and energy and sweat.  When one buys a house in their retirement, one never knows how long you may get to live in it.  At the time, I said that I hope we get ten years!   And I do believe we will indeed get that!  And hopefully many more!

Last year we removed and replaced many of the shrubbery out front.  You get to the point when you do not want to stand on a ten foot ladder in order to trim a bush which has grown too large.  We greatly prefer the smaller shrubs and the openness.

The red maple trees have grown so much larger.  It is hard to remember how small they were in the beginning.   Like with your children!

2008 Early Spring

Late Summer 2015

My House to Yours

Today I am having my monthly lunch with daughter 'Eve'.  I always drive to the town where she lives, and we eat at a restaurant there.   I try to have lunch with all my daughters monthly,  but that doesn't work with all of them.  'Kay' for instance, has a relatively new job, which is incredibly demanding and busy, and she does not feel like she can go out to lunch. That has been very surprising to me, until I recently read an article that confirmed that today's workers usually bring their lunch and eat at their desks, or over a meeting.  The "hour off for lunch" no longer exists!

I do believe that I manage to see "Joy" about once a month, although she lives near NYC.  Either she makes the trip up here, or we make the trip down there.  "Lee" lives the closest, and we always have our monthly lunch in Ithaca, usually at the same place.

Today,  I am taking some of the produce that I have from my garden to share with "Eve".  I have a bumper crop of zucchini, for sure.  Earlier in the season, I would not have believed those plants would have survived, much less have such a hearty yield!

The basket that I am taking to "Eve" contains zucchini, cucumbers, beets, kale, homemade pickles and zucchini chocolate cupcakes, all from my garden or kitchen.

I am proud of myself, and do hope she is pleased!

I am sure she will be!

Arranging Sermons

I do have hard copies of my sermons for the last ten years.  However, they have been put into notebooks by chronological, calendar years.  When it comes to locating a sermon to use as a possible resource,  that is not very helpful.  One encounters biblical text by liturgical year, not calendar year.   Those are Years A, B and C.

For the record, given the opportunity to preach I do always write a new sermon, because writing sermons is my most favorite thing.  But I would definitely use and old one as a resource, a starting place.  There might be helpful resources there.

So as a winter project, last year, I decided that I would try to arrange my sermons in Liturgical order, rather than in order by years.   It was really quite an undertaking and took weeks and weeks.   I spread it all out on the dining room table, which is a good place for a project, because it is not often in use.

This is what it looked like:   (though this is when it was all still in the basement, where books are stored)

Last night I got an email from a clergy colleague whose daughter is having a baby.  She wanted to know about my availability to be her Plan B, even though she does not know the exact date.  That means that I am likely to be notified on short notice that I am needed to fill in for her.

 I can look at the church calendar for the weeks around that time, see what the scripture selection is, and go to my B file box, and find a sermon on that exact text.  Of course, they are not all there.   I limited the sermons I put in the A, B, C boxes to Gospel selections.  I did most often use those, but not always.

So I just checked my system for the dates in question, and Eureka!  There are resource sermons for the exact three weeks in question.

It is so nice when the efforts of a winter project come to fruition!   It is probably 7 or 8 months later, but still......I am so proud of myself for creating a system that works just like it is supposed to!

Now I am ready, even if that baby comes on very short notice!

Big Words

I have a friend with whom I often communicate regarding several mutual areas of interest.   She frequently uses "big words."

 Sometimes, I do not know the meaning of the words she uses.   Often, I might have seen the word in print, but have never actually heard it spoken out loud.

For example, she once asked:  "Why do you eschew the dinners?"   I had never heard anyone use the word in a sentence before!

We are more likely to be communicating by email and often working on various projects together.

In an email last night, she used a word to describe me and I did not know its meaning.  I have heard the word before, but was not sure exactly what it meant.

So I looked up the meaning of the word.

Alacrity--- brisk and cheerful readiness, eagerness.

She said:  "You really do take on projects with such alacrity."

I rather like that word and think that it is an accurate description of me.  I tend to be very very task oriented, willing to take on some big ones, and totally dedicated to carrying them out.

But in the case of this particular friend, our projects together tend to take me into the creative realm where I am always more than willing and eager to venture!

So, yes, I think that is a great word.   I am always eager and cheerful and ready to jump into a creative challenge.   (not true of every challenge)   But a creative challenge just takes me over until I get it finished, usually in a very short turnaround time.

Now that I know exactly what the word means,  I might just try using it myself some time!

Favorite Things of Summer

On Sunday, I was prepared to give a Children's Message, though there were no children there.

I was going to ask them what they liked most about summer.  After they finished answering that, my plan was to tell them what I love most about summer.   Of course, there are many things not included in the children's message---so here are just a couple of examples:  sleeping with the window open and the fan blowing in the cool night air;  playing tennis;  not wearing a coat or sweater or jacket.

But mostly, the thing I love about summer is watching things grow!!   My lovely "prop-hatbox" was filled with examples.

As props, I had an ear of corn and a peach.  Those there are two things that we only eat fresh in the summer---corn on the cob, which Gerry loves, and peaches, which I love. I buy them from the farm stand, but never from the store.

In my box of goodies, I had a vase of hydrangea blue flowers, which are just breathtaking in their beauty.  There was a zucchini,  which grows abundantly in my garden.

But I am also fascinated by the way things grow--- how a bush, which dies off in the winter, knows how to grow bigger this year than it was last year!  It obviously remembers!  And a seed remembers who it is supposed to be.

I read that you could cut off the bottom of a head of lettuce and it would grow again from there!  I tried that, and lo and behold,  it is true.  Put the bottom portion into water, and it knows it is supposed to grow.

All of us are supposed to grow, of course.  Not just physically,  but mentally and spiritually as well.   Mentally by lifelong learning and curiosity.  Spiritually by being kind to one another, and helpful, and building up!

Sharks

I cut the following illustration out of my sermon for tomorrow.  I really like it, but tomorrow's sermon is already full of lots of good stories, an this one did not quite fit in the spot where I had placed it.   So out it came.

The sermon is based on Ephesians 4, and Paul saying "Grow Up".   The general theme of the message is about how each of us is actually a work in progress.  We can and should continue to grow as long as we live, not only physically, but  also mentally by always learning, and spiritually through acts of kindness and service.

++

A young man was a deep sea diver whose job it was to catch fish for aquariums.  He said that the favorite fish for an aquarium is actually a shark.  If you confine a small fish in a tank,  its size will be limited to the size of the container.  A tank shark might grow to be six inches long.  But if that same shark is released into the ocean, it will grow to its normal length of eight feet.

The same thing is true of us human beings.  We can remain little six inch sharks, swimming around in a little puddle,  limited by the size of our  ideas, beliefs, dreams.

But if we are willing to let go of  familiar patterns, and notions, and convictions in order to embrace a broader and more inclusive vision, for example,  there is no limit to what we might become or accomplish.  We then see ourselves as part of all of creation, rather than through a narrow lens of place, or nation, or ideology.

The fish tank is small and limiting, and stifles growth.

The ocean is vast and deep and filled with  wonder at every turn!

That is certainly where I had rather be!

My Goodbye Garden

For posterity,  I am posting these pictures of the vegetable garden of 2015.  It actually produced/ is producing far more than I ever expected!!   Early in the process,  there was loss due to a killing frost.

Then there were other multiple losses due to animal invasions.  But somehow, surprisingly,  the garden prevailed!

Tomatoes, to the left are taller than I am!

Zucchini recovered from too much rain!  Unusual variety with white spotted leaves and zucchini with stripes!

The pole at the far end there is a weather station which records record data, which is then read on the computer inside!  (Thanks to V & M) :)

Last Vegetable Garden

I feel like I should record for posterity my last vegetable garden.   It is my last one because next year, I am going to turn that garden into a garden of annual flowers.  There is a reason for that, but that is another story altogether!!

Despite all the being discouraged when the rabbit and groundhog and deer came and ate the kale, and lettuce, etc.,  I actually have ended up with quite a "haul" of garden produce!

This is what I picked just on one day.  There have certainly been lots of other beets, and zucchini.  The cucumbers suddenly started producing lots of cukes all at once.

Obviously,  I cannot eat that many fresh cucumbers, so I decided that it must be time to make some pickles. After looking at recipes,  it became clear to me that my favorite pickles are of the "bread and butter" kind.

So I just finished making a batch of bread and butter pickles, and they are indeed delicious!

I would never have thought to make pickles had it not been for my abundance of cucumbers!   One just cannot waste good garden produce!!

There will also soon be a bunch of tomatoes that ripen at the same time.  However, those are the "snacking kind".....small sweet yellow tomatoes that are good right off the vine.

I seriously doubt there will be more than we can eat,  but I suppose that remains to be seen.

Perhaps there is tomato jam or sauce or relish in my future.  Who knows?

Survivors' Lap

For some reason, Gerry signed up for the Relay for Life event, to walk in the "Survivors Lap". We had no idea exactly what to expect.  I had often donated to this event, and we always knew people who walked to raise money for the American Society Event, but we had never actually attended.

What we found was so surprising and amazing! There was an air of "festival" all around.  There were tents set up where obviously people planned to stay the night.  There were many vendors selling related articles, presumably to raise money.  There was a  concession stand. Inside there was a spaghetti dinner going on, and people doing Zumba of the field.  In fact, activities were planned every half hour throughout the night, from midnight to 6 a.m.

At first, we had no idea where to go or what to do.  Then finally, when the Opening Ceremonies began, it began t take shape.   In the picture above, the survivors group are gathered to begin the event.   Picture a rectangle  (football field) with people standing inside that rectangle all the way around, facing outward.  When the survivors do their lap,  the spectators and teams all applaud!  Imagine getting a standing ovation for surviving!  But that is exactly what happened.

I have often seen pictures in the newspaper of people walking in that, with comments about how meaningful it was.  But until I had experienced it personally,  I could not have imagined how that felt. It was actually for survivors and caregivers, which is why I was there walking with Gerry.  Quite a few of the survivors were in wheel chairs and a companion pushed them.  At one point, being applauded along the way, Gerry had a very emotional response, which surprised him.   It is difficult to express how it felt to walk around that field to a constant barrage of applause for beating cancer!

In Gerry's case,  he is a double survivor.  We have always been very very grateful for that,  but never thought about it as a public gathering and celebration.

Survivors unite!

Earth Is Our Home

Inspired by the theme of this year's Community Arts Challenge,  I have written a poem, or more accurately, lyrics which will become a song.  I trust that the talented composer Fry will do her part and a lovely piece of music will emerge.   It begins with this:

Beautiful Home

  Earth is our home,

Beautiful home,

Like no other place,

  we’ve ever found

in outer space.

Earth is our home, beautiful home.

She is spotted with mountains,

how high they rise,

blanketed with oceans

that dance with the tides.

Adorned with valleys

And dressed up with trees.

Creatures and flowers,

Play their part, come and go;

Rise in the spring,

Die with the snow.

They take what they need,

but nothing more,

as it should be, as it should be.

Blessed by the sunlight,

clean and pure;

caressed by the wind,

may Earth endure.

Without poisoning the atmosphere,

wind and sun could sustain us here,

if only we dare; if only we care,

for our mother earth, who gave us birth.

Earth is our mother

Who nurtures and feeds

Who gives us seeds and

 fish and corn.

How we deface her,

unmindful of species,

of life yet unborn.

Earth is our home;

 Our fragile home;

By Nancy Rehkugler                         How fragile our home.                             5.25.15

Restlessness

For a long time,  for much of my life really,   I can remember having a deep sense of restlessness in my soul.    That expressed itself by feelings of wanting to be somewhere else,  doing something else. Wanting to be someone else.  Needing to accomplish something.

Living in that mode often leaves one with a feeling of dis-satisfaction, emptiness.  One might fill that up with busyness,   drinking, drugs, shopping, partying, striving, coming and going.

At the same time,  I have always had a desire for serenity of the soul, rather than restlessness.  And finally, at long last, I can say that I have arrived at that.  It is not an achievement.  It is a way of being.  It is a shift in one's consciousness.

I no longer feel the need "to accomplish".   In fact, I have "accomplished" more in a lifetime than I ever imagined in my wildest dreams!

Raising four delightful children and having good relationships with them all
Marrying an intelligent, accomplished, wonderful human being, and having a good marriage
Graduating from seminary and having a 20+ year ministry
Writing two books, a cantata, poetry, a blog, and other things
Being a respected member of my community
Having a few good friends

At this point in my life,  I have definitely learned to be present in this moment.  I do not have to be going somewhere.  I do not have to be seeing other people.  I can be quite satisfied with my own company.   I can be occupied by the grooming requirements of the day.  I am happy to cook dinner.  I enjoy reading a book, or writing.  I am quite content doing ordinary domestic chores.

This is deeply counter-cultural.  That is especially true for a retired pastor.   Retired clergy usually just go on and on forever, doing the exact same thing, just for shorter periods of time.  People always ask what you are doing. There is a certain amount of competition involved in how one responds.

Now I know what serenity feels like.  It is about being present in the moment you are in, rather than the past or the future.  It is about being intentional, rather than reactive.  It is about being self-determined, rather than motivated by external circumstances.  It is about being content with who you are.

That is exactly where I aspire to be.

And where I am!

Full Time Church

When I consider my activities over the past few days,  and the things on the horizon in the days ahead,  it occurs to me that I have been spending my time fully occupied with church matters.

* I exchanged a flurry of emails with a church friends, discussing church concerns.
* I practiced the piano for the Prayer Service for which I will play music tomorrow.
* I  looked at the Sunday School material, which Gerry will lead in the pastor's absence.
* I have worked on the sermon I will preach on Sunday in the pastor's absence.
* I sent information for the bulletin to the church secretary.
* I worked on a Pentecost program for 2016.
*  Sunday I will lead two worship services as Pulpit Supply.

I don't know exactly how this happened,  given my determination 'to be retired.'

  Being retired, I have discovered, does not equate with being un-involved in the church.   I have become increasingly so.   I serve on the Worship Committee and the Newsletter Committee.

But mostly I just do the things that I am drawn to,  which I think fit my gifts and talents.
God given gifts and talents come with expectations, I do believe, to put them to work for the kingdom.

I try to do my part.

Snow Snow Snow

Most of the time, I avoid the outside in the winter, particularly the severe cold.   I just don't have the gear for it--the proper clothing to keep me warm and dry--no waterproof pants or long johns.

Most of this winter season, the snow has been quite sparse, coming an inch or two at a time, with the only real big dump being around the Thanksgiving holiday.

Now,  we do indeed have snow!   I decided that I should have an up close and personal experience of snow this morning.  For a brief period of time,  the sun came out and shone brightly and it looked so very appealing.  I took a little walk around the yard and took a couple of pictures, just for posterity.

I did put on enough layers to make sure that my feet would stay dry.  No hat though, since I have longer hair now and any hat would give me awful "hat hair."

I am inside and it is back to snowing and blowing once again.  No more sunshine.

Here is the proof that as I walked around the yard,  the snow came up to my knees, easily.

Of course, the distance between my feet and my knees is only a few inches!!

Chief Sitting Bull and Indigenous People

The theme for next year's paper in Ladies Lit is The World of the 1880's.

I am probably going to do my paper on Chief Sitting Bull, and to that end, I have been reading a great deal about this chief in particular, and native people in general.

I was drawn to the topic because I remember reading about the Chief's surrender to Fort Buford, North Dakota,  when we visited the fort in 2013.

This past summer,  our excursions off the cruise ship all had to do with the indigenous people of both Alaska and Canada. We had guides, visited museum, longhouses, and various sites that were led by tribal natives.

Now, reading about the Lakota Native Americans makes me realize that they all essentially have the same story of losing their way of life and heritage.   I am sure that the same thing is true of all native people who were displaced by explorers, settlers, pioneers, and western-thinking people.

Regardless of what we might think about their beliefs and practices,  indigenous people were deeply spiritual.  Their entire way of living, understanding themselves and their communities, were rooted in their spiritual understandings.

As I pursue this line of discovery, it is becoming clear to me why native American people were so completely decimated.  They were decimated because they could not survive the physical diseases that  destroyed them.  They could not survive the economic changes or transition from living off the land to living in reservations.  Family structure was no longer the same.  Their source of food disappeared----buffalo on the Great Plains,  and access to food from the sea in Canada and Alaska, and the disruption of their ecosystems.

For those who do remain,  there are great efforts under way to try to preserve their heritage, and that involves their languages, stories,  genealogy,  customs and artifacts, and sacred dances.

About fifteen years ago we took a trip out west, and at the museum of Crazy Horse [and Mt. Rushmore], we experienced Lakota children re-enacting their dance.   It was very moving.

I expect that as I continue to explore this topic,  I will learn a great deal more about the lives and the demise of these majestic people.

It is interesting to me, as I ponder this subject,  that so many of our travels,  from our Western journey around 2000, visiting the Badlands,  to our cross country journey of 2013, and our cruise excursions of 2014 have led down path toward enlightenment about Native American history and culture.

Growing Hair

Growing hair is a learning experience.  Having decided to grow a chin length bob takes me into unknown territory, hair wise.  Specifically,  that is the territory of lots of unappealing layers along the way.

But I have made more progress than I really expected to.  In the past, any attempt to grow hair has resulted in a quick snip of my scissors,  and a swift return to the familiar hair-self of the past 40 years!!

I figured there is no reason not to attempt this now. If ever I am going to do something different, now is the time. I have gotten past the need to color my hair, so the gray is also a new look, and I have adjusted to that.

 I have the time to mess with it for however long it might take, or however many times during the day.  One needs the time, and also the tools, as well as the products.   There are hundreds of hair products on the shelves.  How does one know what one needs?   There are serums to remove the frizz.  There are products to bring on the shine, add body, encourage curl, fix heat damage, etc.  There are countless, endless products.

An interesting discovery along the way----if I am not going for the poofy short look, which requires a daily shampoo,  then it is much better not to wash my hair every day.  In fact, the longer I go without washing my hair  (3-4 days?? though I don't think I've gotten that far yet),  the better it looks.

While my hair feels really long to me,  I cannot actually tell what it looks like.   Wondering about that has even inspired me to take my first selfie!   (I hate pictures of me to begin with, so to take a selfie is another first!!)  Seeing my hair in the selfie makes me realize it is not as long as it feels.

At any rate,  I am doing so well at leaving it alone and letting it grow, that I might actually have some success in getting it to the particular style to which I aspire.

The last time I had really long hair was in 1975, when I was pregnant with my third child.   My goal then was to be able to wear it in a knot on the top of my head.  I did grow it long enough to do that,  but when I put it in that knot,  the hair slid right out and would not stay.  Now I understand that if I had used certain products, I could have gotten it to stay,  but I was a long hair virgin.

Growing my hair is a fun experience. Every day is different and a real adventure.

I am posting the picture even though I do not really like it at all.  It is just for a basis of comparison for six months from now.

Arts Challenge

Along with my collaborator, Paulette, we entered an original song into the Community Arts Challenge.  This year's theme:  Joy.

I wrote the words to a poem about joy, and Paulette wrote lovely music reflecting the words, and a beautiful young woman named Elizabeth Martin sang the song  "That's What It Is".   It was the only "live" music performance, as the other musical entry was on a CD.   That being the case,  it was the highlight of the evening.

Since it was the only live music, not surprisingly, our song won First Place.    Still,  I am very proud of the event and the recognition. and the song.   Paulette should get 95% of the credit, though.  

Another friend from church,  Sandy, an artist of a different kind, entered a painting entitled "Bach Joy".   It is a painting of Paulette playing the organ at church.  Sandy identified listening to Paulette play Bach is a source of great joy for her.

What would be the height of joy for me would be if Sandy, who is a dancer,  would choreograph a dance number for next year's Arts Challenge.  They have not had an entry in the Dance category, perhaps ever in the five years it has been happening.   I would love to see half a dozen senior citizen ladies doing a simple dance number.  And oh how I would love to be among them!

We'll see!!

Simple Living

  I am reading a book called  Sustainable Happiness, a compilation of articles from Yes, Magazine.

Reading this has helped me to clarify my own thinking,  and in particular, realize that my own thinking is, in fact, a philosophy and a specific choice of lifestyle.

I won't repeat here the content of the book.  But perhaps I can comment a bit on where I am in my own life at this particular time.  One of my retirement notions was that I would nurture family and friendships  (which sometimes were on the back burner during full time employment).  But now, at least to some degree,  I have definitely worked on the nurturing, seeing each one of my children on a regular one-on-one basis, as well as at larger family gatherings.

I have also nurtured a few friendships, and have made a few new ones as well.

One of the biggest benefits of my unencumbered life (no work schedule) has been that I have had time to be creative, and to let my creative self emerge.  There has been a considerable amount of fruit from that labor.

I notice in Sustainable Happiness that all of these things are the very heart of what brings satisfaction in one's life.

The other really big one is making a difference.   I do hope that in some ways I do.  I am confident that there are those who would miss me if I were not here.   I think I have probably made an impact on some people during the years of my ministry,  and have contributed to the spiritual growth of others.  Perhaps I still make that kind of a difference with my occasional preaching opportunities. Hopefully, I am a positive role model.

Other features of simple living include:  being non-materialistic;  being concerned for the greater good;  being concerned for the earth itself and its future.     We are very conscientious about re-cycling every aspect of our consumption.  Now that I purchase very little processed food,  the size of our trash is quite small.   Nothing is wasted. Anything no longer wanted is given to charity.

I learned long ago that shopping does not yield happiness.   I get pleasure out of very small purchases;  I get even more pleasure out of being able to get my favorite shoes repaired, rather than replaced.

All of this allows for a new openness,  making room so that new and exciting and interesting things can come in.

It certainly brings peace.

To Weigh or Not to Weigh

I read an article recently written by a woman which was entitled “Why I Weigh Every Day.”  She gave all the reasons why she does that.  They are numerous and completely logical.   She loves that assurance, structure, pattern, knowledge.  She did say:  “There are probably people out there who should not weigh every day.  You know who you are.”

 She also went on to say how she wished that all recipes were given in weights by the gram, because she loves to weigh everything in her kitchen, also.  I’ll admit that it does strike me a  little bit obsessive compulsive,  but I do not want to get into any kind of critical territory, because my husband is one of those who weighs every day.  He is always struggling with those two or three pounds.  (never much more than that)  And somehow, weighing every day keeps him on track.

I thought the other side ought to be heard from---those of us who definitely ‘should not weigh every day.’   After having a weight problem for much of my entire life,  the scales became the evil enemy who was going to deliver the Horrible Daily News of what a Horrible Person I am.  From the weight -struggle perspective,  weighing can become nothing more than a daily dose of worthlessness.   And I will readily admit that for many years,  I gave to the scales the power and the ability to determine my mood,  my feelings about myself, and whether or not I was going to have a good day, or go into a deep depression.

The number on the scales never did motivate me to lose weight.  Quite the opposite.  It served primarily to feed the fire of self-hatred.   I have been motivated on several occasions in my life to lose a large amount of weight,  but the motivation came from inside,  or from some non-numerical goal---never from the scales.  

You may wonder:  how do I keep track?  My clothes tell me clearly what I need to know.

There are countless other numbers by which, from which, through which my worthiness has been measured.   Number of people present in a worship service.  Percentage of  Shared Ministry paid.  Amount of salary.   Number confirmed, baptized.  Grade point average.   Number of books sold.  Cholesterol number.  Number of states visited.  Number of children, grandchildren.  Test scores.  Number of blog hits.  And on and on it goes.  Infinite are the ways by which my worth can be gauged by the numbers.

While the numbers may not lie,  there are certainly things they cannot tell.

I am happy and love my life.  I am healthy and free from disease.   I have loving relationships, free from conflict.  I am creative and occasionally make a difference in the world.

One cannot measure any of that by the numbers.

On Hair

After essentially having the same hairdo for fifty years, except for a couple of times of growing it out,  I am once again going for, hoping for a "new do".  The problem is, as soon as it gets any length, any different really,  it is so uncomfortable that I soon cut it all off.  I have been cutting my own hair for all of my adult life, with one or two exceptions.

This is the hairdo I am hoping to achieve, a sleek bob.

Already my hair has started to get longer, at least the layers.  I have cut the back, as the sides have grown out.  The problem is, I cannot get my hair to look anything like this picture, though the layers are similar now, though not as long.   It has been driving me crazy for days.  That of course, does not bode well for allowing for future hair growth.  When I cannot stand it any more,  I usually just cut it.

I recognized that I have been so frustrated, with two or three really bad hair days,  that last night I was wondering about how you do this hairdo.    I googled You Tube for a demonstration!!   Now I have an idea of how such a thing is accomplished.   It involves a curling iron, which I have never mastered, but perhaps now I will!!

It is hard to believe that you can find out how to do most anything these days on the internet.  I had just never thought about it until last night, that I might even be able to solve my hair problems by resorting to the Internet!  Who knew??

A lovely young lady with purple hair demonstrated the technique!   Now I am off to take my shower to begin a new day, with hopefully a new "do"!

In the Silence

I love to sit and drink my morning coffee.  All alone, in the deep silence.   One might think that there was nothing  going on,  but nothing could be further from the truth.   I somehow tap into an endless well of creativity.

I have a new creative challenge which opens the floodgates of my mind.
I don't want to rush it;  I want to  relish each morsel and bit.
It's for some far off future time.

I do enjoy the silence.   No need for music in the background.  And frequently, not even for conversation.  I am comfortable in the silence.  We live in lots of it,  Gerry and I,  but it is fertile, and rich and productive, like good soil.   Good soil silence.  He would love that image.
So do I.


I also love the image below, of a giant sequoia. strong, and silent and lasting.  Awe inspiring.

Journaling

I never intended for this blog/ journal to end up being a poetry place.  But so far, things of nature have inspired me, and that is what has happened.

Since I am no longer sharing this blog with the public,  I can say and publish here pretty much whatever I want, though I would always be mindful that whatever is out there on the internet  with my name on it, is out there forever.

The thought in my mind for this blog for this year is that it will be a personal journal, and a place to record the happenings and especially the pictures that I want to keep and remember.   I no longer make photo albums, and rarely even get pictures developed from my digital camera.   But some family pictures need to be preserved somewhere,  so if I manage to get any of those,  this will be the place.

I have discovered that nowadays for most people, if one wants to show a picture of their family, or the new baby, or the wedding, or even recently,  a grandchild's sonogram!!---they simply get out their smart phone.  I have that kind of phone,  but have not gotten into using it to take pictures.

If poetry happens here,  that is fine too.  I am dedicated to whatever flows from the heart, soul, spirit, and living in that present moment.     If poetry is what emerges in my mind,  as I sit down to journal for the day, that will be okay.

I know there's a lot of it in there.   Maybe it has just been waiting for release.

I like that phrase as a title of something, perhaps a blog full of poetry---- Waiting for Release.

New Year Day One

Sunset

A bright orange sun sets on the horizon,
as Christmas lights still sparkle on the bushes,
both reminders of things gone by.

Day one of the New Year.
Oh, how they fly, each one.

Before you know it, a week is gone
and then a month, oh, dear.

They come and they go with increasing speed,
so quickly spent,
This coming and going of a year.

Don't want to miss a sunset or a sky
while they flash by in the blink of an eye.

As does life.

U.S. Department of Interior Photo, Canyonland National Park