The Beaten Path

This morning I decided to go to a different farm stand to get the corn on the cob.  Today is the day that the college students arrive in town, and I wanted to avoid any possible traffic.  The "new" place I wanted to go to is the opposite direction from town.  I happened to notice it because Amy Dickinson posted a picture of it on Facebook.

There are a dozen or so places I go regularly, and the truth is,  I generally always travel the same route, which is my preferred way to travel.  If I know the way, that's the way I want to go.

I looked on the map to see the location of this farmer's market, where I have never been.  I even wrote down the directions.  Right off of the main highway, and then a left off of that onto the road with the farm stand.

First, I went past the right turn off the highway, with my mind wandering, I guess! First thing I know, there is the next town in the distance.   I had to turn around and re-trace my steps back to make the appropriate turn.   To make a long story short,  I made four wrong turns on that relatively short, simple route to the farm!!  (In my defense, the roads had no name signs!)

I was thinking about getting so lost on the way home and wondering how that could have happened.  The first thing that I realized is that if I am not going to my dozen or so familiar places, then Gerry is driving.  When one is not driving, they do not really observe the way to get somewhere.  The other thing I realized  (besides my severe absence of a sense of direction) is that typically I always stick to the beaten path.

As a rule, I would say that is not a bad idea.  But sometimes, when one is driving, it is helpful to know an alternate route.  That is especially true when it comes to detours and road construction and such.

If I am driving in an unfamiliar town or city  (though it is not usually me doing so) and I encounter a detour sign, I have a panic attack,  because I do now know the way.  When one has no sense of direction,  not knowing the way can be a serious challenge.  Why, I have always imagined that a person could make a wrong turn in a big city and be lost for weeks!!  It is a scary thought!

Today's little journey off the beaten path did take me back down memory lane.  On one wrong turn, I saw a sign saying "Happy Way Day Care".   Daughter Joy spent some time there when she was young, though I am sure the sign was in front of a completely different house!  But that was 25 years ago, so who knows!

I am happily at home now, no worse for the wear.  I hope the sweet corn was worth it!   Sweet corn on-the-cob is something we only eat for the few weeks in the summer when it is fresh.

Maybe next time I need some, I'll go back to the farm stand where I know the way!!

Its Complicated

I have read somewhere in the past the theory that we choose our mates because there is some healing that needs to take place, because we all bring varying degrees of woundedness to any relationship.

I do believe that most of that process gets done at some deep subconscious level, and that it is quite possible that one might not even know that is going on.  And it can take many years to understand the results, if one ever does.

Gerry and I fell in love long before we knew each others' personal stories. Who I am and who he is at the core got unveiled over time.

When Gerry and I married, at least I can say with certainty, that I never had any intention of having another child. (though maybe he had such a longing??)  But there is something about a happy and loving marriage  (at least in our case) that makes one want to reproduce.  And so we did just that.

I can now say that there were probably other things going on at a deeper level.

Gerry has often expressed that his ex was not the nurturing-doting motherly type. Certainly my ex was not at all emotionally engaged with his children.(and essentially disappeared from their lives)   That meant that neither of us had ever had the 'loving parent' experience from our spouses, for our children.

I could certainly not say that I chose Gerry because I thought he would be a good father.  I thought he would be a good husband, for sure, and a good helpmate and companion as I/we raised the children I already had. [His were already grown.].

When we had our own child,  I got to see what it was like for a child to have an involved, loving, patient, emotionally engaged father.  He got to see a gentle, compassionate and nurturing mother. That hole was filled in each of our hearts.

Life is complicated.  And at the heart of it, is a deep deep mystery.

Looking Back

Yesterday, I was searching my computer for a picture of our house.   There is quite a collection of photographs on the computer.  I still remember the days of photo albums!  Now we keep photos exclusively on the computer, though I still have some albums from daughter Joy's early years.

Needless to say, viewing old photos was quite a trip down memory lane.  I would say that as a rule, I don't spend a lot of time looking back.  I like to think that I'm not old enough to be at that stage yet.  I still like to think about the future, rather than the past.

But I ran across one particular photograph of me,  which sparked a lot of feelings.  For one thing, it was such a momentous occasion in life that it motivated me to have a professional photograph made of just me---something which I have not done since, with the exception of church directory photos. For another thing,  I was considerably younger than I am now.  Now I am older and wiser, unlike that younger person who was still innocent,  hopeful, eager and prepared.  Or so I thought.

I had already had years of experience of church as a pastor's family member, living in parsonages, with life revolving around church activities.

By then, I also had considerable experience as a layperson in the church, active and involved in every aspect of church committees and structure.   So how big a jump could it actually be to the next step, being a pastor?

Bigger than I ever could have imagined!  It involved a change in one's image of oneself.  It involved "taking thou authority."    It involved leadership and inspiring others; budget management and facilities,   conflict management, mentoring others,  being set apart, growing a congregation, managing a staff,  being accountable to a connectional system,  meeting diverse expectations of parishioners. (To name just some of it.)  Needless to say, it also meant going against the grain of the expectation of clergy being male.

I have not yet completely shed the pastor-identity, which takes a really long time to take on, internalize.   I am still accepting invitations to do pulpit supply.  Maybe that will come to an end one day, too.  It has been 26 years since that process of "pastor-becoming" started.  Overall, I do feel quite good about my ministry years.  I am confident they were "successful", though success in the church, in my mind, at least, is measured differently from success in the secular world.

I am confident of this much:   I did it with passion and integrity!  

Being Home

It seems to be typical that as people age, they become more attached to their "things",  or more specifically,  their home environments.  It is not really about the material possessions.  Rather it is more about a sense of being rooted, belonging, being part of the earth in this spot.

The young still want to see the world and conquer it. The older, having already done that to the extent they probably ever will, prefer to exert influence and care in the little corner of the world where they reside.

I do not feel defined by the things around me, but I do feel comforted, nurtured.  As the world becomes increasingly strange and unfamiliar, the familiar takes on a greater place of prominence in one's life. I still have not mastered my smart phone, but I know all the nooks and crannies of my kitchen!

When we bought this house eight years ago, we thought everything was perfect.  Still, we have made constant changes and upgrades since day one.  That is the way one makes it "home", by imprinting it with one's own style and energy and sweat.  When one buys a house in their retirement, one never knows how long you may get to live in it.  At the time, I said that I hope we get ten years!   And I do believe we will indeed get that!  And hopefully many more!

Last year we removed and replaced many of the shrubbery out front.  You get to the point when you do not want to stand on a ten foot ladder in order to trim a bush which has grown too large.  We greatly prefer the smaller shrubs and the openness.

The red maple trees have grown so much larger.  It is hard to remember how small they were in the beginning.   Like with your children!

2008 Early Spring

Late Summer 2015

My House to Yours

Today I am having my monthly lunch with daughter 'Eve'.  I always drive to the town where she lives, and we eat at a restaurant there.   I try to have lunch with all my daughters monthly,  but that doesn't work with all of them.  'Kay' for instance, has a relatively new job, which is incredibly demanding and busy, and she does not feel like she can go out to lunch. That has been very surprising to me, until I recently read an article that confirmed that today's workers usually bring their lunch and eat at their desks, or over a meeting.  The "hour off for lunch" no longer exists!

I do believe that I manage to see "Joy" about once a month, although she lives near NYC.  Either she makes the trip up here, or we make the trip down there.  "Lee" lives the closest, and we always have our monthly lunch in Ithaca, usually at the same place.

Today,  I am taking some of the produce that I have from my garden to share with "Eve".  I have a bumper crop of zucchini, for sure.  Earlier in the season, I would not have believed those plants would have survived, much less have such a hearty yield!

The basket that I am taking to "Eve" contains zucchini, cucumbers, beets, kale, homemade pickles and zucchini chocolate cupcakes, all from my garden or kitchen.

I am proud of myself, and do hope she is pleased!

I am sure she will be!

Arranging Sermons

I do have hard copies of my sermons for the last ten years.  However, they have been put into notebooks by chronological, calendar years.  When it comes to locating a sermon to use as a possible resource,  that is not very helpful.  One encounters biblical text by liturgical year, not calendar year.   Those are Years A, B and C.

For the record, given the opportunity to preach I do always write a new sermon, because writing sermons is my most favorite thing.  But I would definitely use and old one as a resource, a starting place.  There might be helpful resources there.

So as a winter project, last year, I decided that I would try to arrange my sermons in Liturgical order, rather than in order by years.   It was really quite an undertaking and took weeks and weeks.   I spread it all out on the dining room table, which is a good place for a project, because it is not often in use.

This is what it looked like:   (though this is when it was all still in the basement, where books are stored)

Last night I got an email from a clergy colleague whose daughter is having a baby.  She wanted to know about my availability to be her Plan B, even though she does not know the exact date.  That means that I am likely to be notified on short notice that I am needed to fill in for her.

 I can look at the church calendar for the weeks around that time, see what the scripture selection is, and go to my B file box, and find a sermon on that exact text.  Of course, they are not all there.   I limited the sermons I put in the A, B, C boxes to Gospel selections.  I did most often use those, but not always.

So I just checked my system for the dates in question, and Eureka!  There are resource sermons for the exact three weeks in question.

It is so nice when the efforts of a winter project come to fruition!   It is probably 7 or 8 months later, but still......I am so proud of myself for creating a system that works just like it is supposed to!

Now I am ready, even if that baby comes on very short notice!

Big Words

I have a friend with whom I often communicate regarding several mutual areas of interest.   She frequently uses "big words."

 Sometimes, I do not know the meaning of the words she uses.   Often, I might have seen the word in print, but have never actually heard it spoken out loud.

For example, she once asked:  "Why do you eschew the dinners?"   I had never heard anyone use the word in a sentence before!

We are more likely to be communicating by email and often working on various projects together.

In an email last night, she used a word to describe me and I did not know its meaning.  I have heard the word before, but was not sure exactly what it meant.

So I looked up the meaning of the word.

Alacrity--- brisk and cheerful readiness, eagerness.

She said:  "You really do take on projects with such alacrity."

I rather like that word and think that it is an accurate description of me.  I tend to be very very task oriented, willing to take on some big ones, and totally dedicated to carrying them out.

But in the case of this particular friend, our projects together tend to take me into the creative realm where I am always more than willing and eager to venture!

So, yes, I think that is a great word.   I am always eager and cheerful and ready to jump into a creative challenge.   (not true of every challenge)   But a creative challenge just takes me over until I get it finished, usually in a very short turnaround time.

Now that I know exactly what the word means,  I might just try using it myself some time!

Favorite Things of Summer

On Sunday, I was prepared to give a Children's Message, though there were no children there.

I was going to ask them what they liked most about summer.  After they finished answering that, my plan was to tell them what I love most about summer.   Of course, there are many things not included in the children's message---so here are just a couple of examples:  sleeping with the window open and the fan blowing in the cool night air;  playing tennis;  not wearing a coat or sweater or jacket.

But mostly, the thing I love about summer is watching things grow!!   My lovely "prop-hatbox" was filled with examples.

As props, I had an ear of corn and a peach.  Those there are two things that we only eat fresh in the summer---corn on the cob, which Gerry loves, and peaches, which I love. I buy them from the farm stand, but never from the store.

In my box of goodies, I had a vase of hydrangea blue flowers, which are just breathtaking in their beauty.  There was a zucchini,  which grows abundantly in my garden.

But I am also fascinated by the way things grow--- how a bush, which dies off in the winter, knows how to grow bigger this year than it was last year!  It obviously remembers!  And a seed remembers who it is supposed to be.

I read that you could cut off the bottom of a head of lettuce and it would grow again from there!  I tried that, and lo and behold,  it is true.  Put the bottom portion into water, and it knows it is supposed to grow.

All of us are supposed to grow, of course.  Not just physically,  but mentally and spiritually as well.   Mentally by lifelong learning and curiosity.  Spiritually by being kind to one another, and helpful, and building up!

Sharks

I cut the following illustration out of my sermon for tomorrow.  I really like it, but tomorrow's sermon is already full of lots of good stories, an this one did not quite fit in the spot where I had placed it.   So out it came.

The sermon is based on Ephesians 4, and Paul saying "Grow Up".   The general theme of the message is about how each of us is actually a work in progress.  We can and should continue to grow as long as we live, not only physically, but  also mentally by always learning, and spiritually through acts of kindness and service.

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A young man was a deep sea diver whose job it was to catch fish for aquariums.  He said that the favorite fish for an aquarium is actually a shark.  If you confine a small fish in a tank,  its size will be limited to the size of the container.  A tank shark might grow to be six inches long.  But if that same shark is released into the ocean, it will grow to its normal length of eight feet.

The same thing is true of us human beings.  We can remain little six inch sharks, swimming around in a little puddle,  limited by the size of our  ideas, beliefs, dreams.

But if we are willing to let go of  familiar patterns, and notions, and convictions in order to embrace a broader and more inclusive vision, for example,  there is no limit to what we might become or accomplish.  We then see ourselves as part of all of creation, rather than through a narrow lens of place, or nation, or ideology.

The fish tank is small and limiting, and stifles growth.

The ocean is vast and deep and filled with  wonder at every turn!

That is certainly where I had rather be!