God Knows

As six weeks roll into seven weeks, and my husband is still struggling with his excruciating pain issues,  more and more is required of me, both in the area of care-giving, as well as in all aspects of care for the home.

I have been pretty much tied closer to home than usual, although I have gone out a few times to lunch with family or friends, as well as grocery shopping, and a few other church related activities.

What helps me most of all is some kind of a diversion.  Family members have come for a visit several times during these past few weeks.   That has really helped in the worst of times.

I have been amazed at the kinds of diversions that have come my way during this time.  First, the pastor of a church in a nearby community asked if I could cover for her one Sunday in April.   Getting to engage my mind and heart and spirit in the thinking, research and writing of a sermon is the very best kind of therapy for me!  Working on writing that sermon was the most enjoyable time I have had in weeks!  Delivering it will be fun for me too!

Then, I got an email from a young pastor I have never met, who wants to take maternity leave for 8 weeks when her baby is born this summer.  I have other commitments and cannot do all of it,  but I did indicate that I could do 4 weeks, should the details all work out.  She has to find someone to do the other four weeks.   That will give me a lot to do and think about.  It is a lively and active church, and by then there will be two services.   It will be a significant challenge, but one I welcome.   I have been totally amazed that these opportunities have come up.  I would say that as a rule, at least on a regular basis, they do not.   A few a year do, but not multiples in a period of weeks!

And then yesterday,  Holy Thursday, before I had even had my shower and gotten dressed, I got a call from our church office, and the secretary there said that the pastor is sick with the flu, and what was I doing tonight?  I agreed that I would cover for him.  That meant looking at the bulletin, and putting together many of the parts of  the service plus writing a sermon!   I did those things and was very pleased with the way it all came together.

I don't usually pat myself on the back,  but I was happy to be the kind of person who could do that on such short notice.  I felt good about myself.

But the thing is, I am fully aware, and totally believe that during these hard times for me, God knows what I need, and what would be most helpful to me.

Strangely, that involves preparing worship services and sermons, which for a long time now, has been my absolute favorite activity.

And so out of the blue, along came multiple chances to do the kind of thing I love most.

Because, quite honestly, God knows!  God knows indeed!

Never Old Before

During the past four weeks, it seems as if all the vagrancies of old age have finally set in!  During those weeks, we have have been dealing with Gerry's sudden onset of pain and sleeplessness, which have been serious enough for him to end up in the hospital in very bad shape.

Before now, he has been very healthy, not taking any meds, physically fit, extremely active, a daily skiier or tennis player, or walker.

Then there was this sudden onset of pain.  Despite a variety of tests,  the medical evidence has not led to a clear answer, diagnosis or specific treatment.    The pain persists, and the insomnia, so we are still in search of answers.   There are medications, but Ger has always been very very sensitive to meds, so our theory is that those really only make things worse.   And they are not a long term answer.

Thankfully, one can read about all sorts of possibilities on the internet.   We have found one that describes perfectly the symptoms, the onset, the sleeplessness, etc.   Idiopathic describes it best. Idiopathic means sudden onset and unique to the individual.

We are still hopeful that a nerve specialist will be able to provide some answers.  It will take time to get connected with the one whose name we have.  Perhaps there will be some kind of localized injection to offer relief.

But the bottom line is,  these things happen when you get older!!  That's what I read in every single description of these symptoms!

Gerry has never been old before, [despite the fact that he is 80] until this suddenly hit.  The tests did show arthritis in the lower spine, but that has probably been there all along.  But the pain is not located there.  It is more on the flank and further up.   It seems like an arthritis problem  would have been more gradual in its arrival, while this was all at once.  There was no injury.  Just pain.

Neither one of us has ever really been old before, or felt limited, or handicapped, or even slowed down.  It is hard to get used to.  That is true for both of us.  But  for him it is a much more complete and sudden and radical change in his life and routine and activity.

The whole episode is a mystery indeed.  I did read one very encouraging word.  This nerve pain which had a sudden onset,  can also have just as sudden a remission.

That is our hope and our prayer!!

May it be so!!

Refugee Thoughts

Recently, I spent many hours with my husband in a cubicle of the emergency room.  He was in excruciating pain, and needed medical attention.   I think it was 1:30 a.m. when we left for the hospital.  He did eventually get help, and strong drugs were used to alleviate the pain, and tests were done.

Of course, these things take time.  Lots of time.  The hours passed.  Gerry got several doses of strong medications until he was more comfortable.  He was sitting in a very comfortable chair, his favorite place to sleep.  He has been unable to lay in bed, due to the side and back pain.   He dozed and sat.  The hours crawled by.  I sat in what was a very cold and hard, uncomfortable chair, in the curtained cubicle of the ER.  Our cubicle was much smaller than the ones pictured above.

They took him to get an MRI.  We waited for a doctor to see if he was going to be sent home or admitted.  At approximately 4:00 in the afternoon, or about 14 hours later,  he was admitted for overnight observation.  Meanwhile,  I sat in the chair hour after hour.  If I lose a night's sleep, I am not in very good shape myself.   I did eventually go home and sleep for a while.

But I devised a way to get through it as the minutes and hours  crept by.  I thought about all the refugees fleeing Syria.  I thought about how hard that would be for them.  And how lucky I was to have a chair to sit on, and  heat to keep me warm, and medical help as needed.  I thought about parents holding their children, unable to go back to the place they had left, uncertain about what would lie ahead.   I thought about them walking across and entire continent, hoping for some help.   Our plight seemed completely insignificant.  I imagined how strained the shoulder muscles would feel from carrying a child, or more than one, without the benefit of a back pack.   I thought refugee thoughts to get me through the night!   The plight of the refugees seemed so hard, so hopeless, so much to endure.  

When I thought of them,  I felt I could get through whatever I needed to there in the emergency room cubicle.

In time,  maybe after a total of 36 hours, we were released to come home. We came home with some things that would provide comfort---like medications and answers.

I doubt if the refugees got either of those.