Not Pecked

 Not Pecked

By Nancy Rehkugler

            I recently read an article about how supportive Elizabeth Warren’s husband has been of her career.  As a general rule, I do not read the Comments following any on-line article.  Rarely are they worthy of one’s time or attention.  However, I could not help but notice the very first comment located just at the end of the article.   It irked me deeply.

            The person commenting said of Warren’s husband,  Bruce Mann, that he was surely “henpecked”.   My visceral reaction caused me to examine the inherent meaning of that word.

            The word, when applied to a supportive husband, clearly implies that any man who is engaged in an equal partnership with his spouse is somehow ‘pecked’ into being less than a man.  In fact, the exact opposite is true.  A real man does not need to dominate, oppress,  belittle, or control the person he loves.  Rather, he encourages her, helps her, cheers for her, and enables and celebrates her success.   The word “henpecked” when used to describe a supportive husband has nothing to do with the husband, and everything to do with the person who uses the word.  Such a person is very insecure about his manhood.   Such a man can only affirm his manhood by belittling women and girls.

            Misogyny is a belief system that arises out of male-dominated societies.  Such societies always place women in a position of subordination.  Misogyny manifests in many ways in societies, and has been around for thousands of years.   From pornography to anorexia, to plastic surgery, to self-hatred, women have a long history of subjugation.   Every major religion has perpetrated some form of misogyny,  and every major philosopher and thinker from Aristotle to Nietzsche has considered women inferior.

            Misogynistic rhetoric on the internet has become increasingly vile.  It is always directed most viciously toward women in the public sphere.  Women who speak out,  who seek positions of leadership or power will inevitably be targeted.   And any husband of such a woman will be vilified as weak and unmanly.   The truth is that only a man who is completely secure and self-aware and successful in his own right would ever be able to partner with a woman of substance and significance.

            Whenever such a husband is called “henpecked,” be fully aware of the source and meaning of such a word.  It always comes from a position of powerlessness and impotence.