Friday, August 28, 2020

I Cry

 

I Cry

I cry for you America,

Deep within my soul I mourn.

All gleaming waves and tasseled corn,

Never thought I’d watch you die.

 

 The other half celebrates

With fireworks and champagne,

Popping corks and high fives.

Never thought I’d watch you die.

 

 Infectious disease crippling you--

 the virus of fear, the plague of hate.

I cry for you America,

Can you be saved?  Is it too late?

 

  A nation so divided

is already destroyed;

I never thought I’d watch you die;

I still pray you will survive.

 

Guns and rocks and tear gas

Dominate the streets

Where black men die the day they’re born.

Deep within my soul, I mourn!

 

I cry for you America.

So mournfully I weep.

The pain runs deep; I cry, I cry.

I never thought I’d watch you die.

 

America the beautiful, from sea to shining sea

Now draws her dying breath;

the sobbing sound is me

grieving her death.

 

 

By Nancy Rehkugler

August 28, 2020

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Saturday, July 18, 2020

Three Months

I last blogged three months ago!  Oh, how the world has changed.  Who could have imagined it?  Those with a brain in their heads are now wearing masks to protect others and themselves from the Covid 19 virus.  But it has become a politicized issue,  with some unwilling to wear masks.  Thankfully, it is the law in New York.  Other states are hot-spots and the virus is running rampant!

In the past three months,  schools, colleges, businesses, entertainment, sports,  retail businesses closed down in New York for at least two of those months, and then began to open up slowly.  There are currently 130,000 plus U.S. deaths!

The title of my last post was "Anxiety".     Now there are many more reasons for anxiety than there were then!  As a person of faith,  I have to remind myself constantly not to be pulled down into discouragement,  despair,  depression, darkness!   Darkness closes in all around.    Yet, ultimately,  it is God who is in charge.  Our hope is in God.  While I do not believe that God would cause a pandemic,  I do believe that God can use one!   Could God be using this one to highlight the racial and economic injustices that abound in our culture? 

There has surely been a lot of social unrest during these three months, with calls for major change in regard to systemic racism.  What the results will be is yet to be seen.

For me right now,  the most horrifying news is that the president now has his on law enforcement group----the new Gestapo.  They are not wearing military insignia, but are arresting protesters in Oregon in unmarked vehicles.  It feels like no one is safe if the president has his own armed enforcement militia group.

How could we have fallen so far in such a short period of time?

Surely, the American Dream,  democracy,  "the American Experiment"  is in serious danger of demise if our current climate continues.

I can only hope that the next time I Blog,  the world will look brighter than it does right now!!


Saturday, April 4, 2020

Anxiety

I've been worried before, of course.   I've certainly been nervous.   Hubby has had a couple of panic attacks in the past.   He described those as having a heightened flight or fight response in the body.

But until yesterday, I don't really actually remember feeling a physical manifestation of anxiety.  It felt like a heavy weight in the chest;  a lump;  I needed to pace.   I felt caged.   Hopefully,  it is isolation anxiety, and not signs of something else!

I have no doubt that some of it is weather related, as we have had precious little sunshine and an abundance of rain.   I believe there is a depressed condition that can result from that—-seasonal affective order or something.

I've been devastated,  cried,  crushed,  hurt,  afraid....( for a couple of days)  .....but never really depressed.    That's not a place I want to go. 

When the weather improves,  we'll go to a park and hike.   Nature heals.

I am just blogging for the relief it may  (or may not) provide.

I am sure others feel the same!

Thursday, April 2, 2020

Covid-Bound



So how do you keep occupied?
With books and music, no doubt,
and the computer, of course, 
cooking too. (no eating out!)

Those are the things I imagine
that others likely do.

I am blogging now, 
and doing Haiku
(a new site has emerged for this)
I kid you not, its' true!

Neatly folded plastic food bags,
now line up in my drawer in rows
just waiting to be re-used.

I'd rather be stress baking,
but no flour can be found,
anywhere in town!

There are books and TV
and a bird feeder to entertain me.
It brings only blackbirds,
not what I had in mind,
though perhaps an appropriate
sign of the times.


Wednesday, April 1, 2020

Out of the Blue

A couple of weeks ago, the phone rang.   The  number of the caller typically appears on the phone, and it also appears on the TV screen if the TV is on.  If I do not recognize the number, 99 times out of 100,  I do not answer.  But for some unknown reason,  I decided to answer that time, although it only said Cell Phone, with no name.

She identified herself by her first name, and her mother's last name, who had once been my parishioner.  I guess she thought that would be easier for me to figure out who she was that way.   It took a few seconds.  If she had used her first and last names, I would have known immediately.  It was Phyllis!   The Phyllis who had been our host and guide when I led 13 of us on a mission trip to Guatemala in 2001.

So Phyllis calls, out of the blue, after 19 years.   It immediately brings back many memories!   It was a once in a lifetime trip and experience!  Phyllis is fluent in Spanish,  so we could comfortably travel, having her as our guide!  Some of those memories are very harrowing!  One involves an old school bus and  hairpin turns on one lane roads up a steep mountain.   We had brought bags and bags of  school supplies to donate to a particular school,  where we all went in person to deliver.   The children were so polite and sweet and beautiful and also in a very remote location.   The supplies were delivered in a cloth bag for each child.  It was impressive that they did not even open the bags immediately in our presence. I was told that was because they first wanted to share them with their families back home.

Anyway,  Phyllis retired a couple of years ago and moved back to the town, Moravia, where her mother had lived for so long.   I don't know if Phyllis grew up there or not, but she would surely have many many connections.   She is currently doing substitute teaching, despite being 81 years old!   What an inspiration!

She was calling on behalf of the Historical Society in Moravia wanting me to do a presentation on Willard, a state Mental Hospital which closed permanently in 1995.  At first, I drew a blank,  wondering why in the world she would want me for that purpose!    My first reaction was:  "I don't know anything about Willard!"    She reacted:  "Then why is everyone telling me you do?"  Then I remembered that I do at least know more than most people.  The story of Willard played heavily in the novel I wrote and published in 2013.   One of the books that I read and used as a resource in fact was a wonderful history of the institution.   So after thinking about it for a bit,  I agreed to make a presentation on that topic at the Moravia Historical Society in July  (or whenever we are all out of quarantine).

I soon went to work on that presentation and found that I do, after all, know quite a bit about Willard and will look forward to sharing that!

My resource book is:  The Lives They Left Behind:  Suitcases From a State Hospital Attic.  The materials found in those suitcases formed the basis of a traveling exhibit by the same name.    I happened to read about that in a newspaper when I lived in Syracuse.  The opening scene of my book involves a woman visiting the exhibit  and seeing a photograph of a picture she recognized, but had no idea that relative had ever been in Willard.  The rest of the novel unravels a complicated family story.   In Its Time by me.

Tuesday, March 31, 2020

I Laughed Today

When I laughed out loud today, it struck me---I have not heard that sound for a while!   No wonder, considering the state of our world at this time!   Laughter is in short supply right now.   Tears are much more common!  Fear and anxiety not far behind.

What made me laugh?   It was a funny conversation between two brothers---one a CNN reporter, and the other a Governor.  They were ribbing and teasing each other unmercifully, as brothers have been known to do. 

 It was a real treat to find something funny in the midst of Covid-world!---something to bring laughter.     The NY Governor was calling his brother the 'family meatball',  clearly a term of endearment!  (as Chris explained about Italian families).

I laughed with them, a couple of funny Cuomos!

Then no sooner was the video over, and I went to Google News, only to discover that one of the brothers now has the virus--Chris Cuomo.    He is now confined to his home, working from his basement. 


Thanks Cuomos for brightening my day!   Please, both of you, be okay!






Monday, March 30, 2020

Mid-Corona

We have now been under Stay at Home, Social Distancing orders for a little more than two weeks, and by the looks of it,  that may extend all the way until the end of April.

It goes without saying that the Covid 19 crisis has changed the world as we know it.   One has to wonder---will things ever get back to normal?  Will people have jobs to go to?  Will people ever shake hands again?

It is hard to look too far into the future when one is trying to just cope day to day.   I am from New York State, and the number of deaths and the lack of supplies for medical professionals is beyond shocking.

But I am lucky in so many ways!  I am not at home alone;  I have a lovely husband to share the isolation with.    We have social media.    We are creating a new routine.   It is easier for me than it is for him.  My day always includes the normal everyday chores---making the bed;  doing laundry;  prepping for meals;  cooking meals.   He does the clean up.

We are able to keep in touch with family members through Facetime, email, Facebook.   Thankfully, everyone is okay.  Biggest concern is daughter who is expecting to deliver toward the end of May.  (in a hot zone!).

Social Media provides some comforting music;  some uplifting stories and posts.   Some meetings by ZOOM.  So far, however, the attempts to do Church Worship via Facebook Streaming has been a dismal failure.  The Modem has been malfunctioning.  I think next time they will try pre-recording.

One new form of entertainment has emerged:  Haiku for a Global Pandemic.   Being a poet,  this is something that I am greatly enjoying!

This was my contribution for today:

Oh, how I miss you!
(Freedom to go where I please).
Staying home is hard!