Millie and Carl

 Millie and Carl

 

Millie is changing the wheel

on her mower

when I encounter her one day.

Around those tools and

tires and bolts,

she clearly knows her way!

 

I ask her to tell me about the farm,

if she would not mind;

It was clear that for quite a while

it has been in some decline.

 

Four silos no longer filled,

A barn with just one cow.

She still keeps the old place going,

though she is a widow now.

 

She and Carl bought that farm;

fifty-six years she’d endured.

They were young and optimistic then,

and would conquer the world for sure.

 

They could not have known the changes to come,

Plummeting prices, mounting debt

too much exasperation.

Carl said it was too hard a life

To pass to the next generation.

 

The children grew up to leave the farm

And created lives of their own.

The grandchildren still often come

so Millie doesn’t feel alone.

 

Eva milks the cow in the barn;

Carson loves the tractors too.

Maybe they will take the farm

And turn it into something new.

 

Successes, failures, memories and joys;

Millie had seen them all firsthand.

Mostly they have planted themselves

There in the barn, the house, and the land.

 

 

By Nancy and Gerry Rehkugler

For Showing Up

Thank you, beautiful blue morning glory for showing up!

     I initially planted my morning glory seeds in pots, thinking the seedings are fragile and I could protect them when they were young.   Then I moved the pots to the bottom of the front porch posts and tended them daily,  watering, feeding, caring for, until they lovingly wrapped themselves around not only the posts, but also the entire front porch, pretty much!

    Eventually,  the leaves began to die off,  and I looked at the pots, and much to my dismay discovered that they were completely potbound....no nutrients..no soil, only roots in the pot!   Then I thought maybe I could take them out of the pots and transplant them, which I knew would be very risky.   Once I broke the plastic pots away,  I realized that the rootball was well above ground level, so I could not put them in the hole in the ground I had dug for that purpose, because that would rip it all apart from the vine!   Then, I constructed an above the ground planting effort with lots of dirt, with potting soil, and with wood chips to cover the ugly above ground construction.    I actually did not have much hope of them surviving the week.

    But, miraculously, they did, and continued to grow and grow and grow.   However, there were no flowers.   Then I realized that morning glories prefer full sun, and these are in a shady area for most of the day!   So I had lots of lovely vines,  which I loved and enjoyed and continued to care for.

    I would check every day, looking and hoping for one little blue flower!  Since is is late September,  I know that frost is not too far away!  Will the frost come before I every see a morning glory flower?

    There were a couple of other before this one,  but this one is by far the proudest and loveliest,  and I touch it and thank it repeatedly, and say thank you for showing up!   This may be the last one,  so I am really appreciating it!

    It has been a long journey raising these glories!   I have loved them even when they were seedlings,  when they were potbound,  when they were just vines.   But I take it very personally that against all odds,  this one beautiful morning glory has come to celebrate with me before winter sets in!

Anniversary Homecoming

This blog is quite similar to the previous one, at least in that it is about seeing folks that we had not seen in many many years.   But the occasion and context is completely different.  

We recently celebrated our wedding anniversary,  and we decided that for the sake of nostalgia,  we would return to worship in the church where we were married 39 years ago.   I don't know that we have been back since,  primarily because I have almost always been occupied on Sundays in some ministry capacity.

So we returned to the scene of our wedding.  I know the pastor and we were delighted by the upbeat and excellent service, especially the uplifting music!

It was difficult to recognize some people, because everyone was wearing a mask, due to the pandemic.   The pastor, whom I actually know quite well,  did not recognize us with our masks.   But after church in the fellowship hall where people gathered to chat and connect,  it was clear that there were enduring relationships.

Richard, with whom I worked for many years is a member there and greeted us warmly.   There were others who knew one or the other of us for different reasons.  For Gerry,  there is a gentleman there who was actually his student many years ago!

I ended up having a long conversation with "Jodie".    As fate would have it,  many years ago,  while the pastor was away and I was filling the pulpit in his absence,  there was a terrible tragedy in the community.  A beloved coach,  father of three daughters,  a member of the church was killed in his own home by one of his daughter's boyfriends.   It was a terrible situation.  It is unimaginable how they all would have coped with that.  I know that the community itself had a hard time coping,  because your own home is a place where you expect to be safe and able to protect your family.

I was called to provide pastoral care and assistance in that situation.   Through that event,  I interacted with 'Jodie' and worked with her and her family, the funeral home, the hospital,  the school officials, and the pastor who was away,  to plan the event.     Due to the coach's position in the community and the nature of the tragedy,  the memorial service was held in the high school gym and attended by more than a thousand people.

"Jodie" filled me in on how her daughters are faring all these  twenty five years later.   I know that the trauma of what happened would have had a life-altering affect.  Two out of three of her daughters are doing okay.   Two were twins, one was much younger.    One of the twins is now a serious alcoholic living in a terrible situation.

Twenty five years were like nothing at all in connecting with 'Jodie'.   It was humbling to realize how such a memory will never go away,  and I am part of it!

Perhaps there are some for others, too!  Hopefully not many are as sad as that one was!

Visisting John

 A long-time friend and colleague, Richard with whom I once worked told me about John's diagnosis with colon cancer.    He said that in a recent Zoom meeting, John commented how much he would love to see me and Gerry.   Richard strongly encouraged us to visit John because he is on Hospice and may not be around for too long.  I could not envision how such a visit might go.

I once worked with John in admissions at the University.  I figured that it would have to be pre-1985 that I had worked with him, because after my last child was born,  I worked half-time in a different capacity and would not have worked with John after that.   That means that it might have been 38 years previously that I had last seen John, and then probably only briefly.   

I could not even imagine how he would even know who I/we are after that many years!  John also knew Gerry because John worked in Admissions in the College of Engineering, and I worked in Admissions at the College of Agriculture.  so the connections were there, but somewhat obscure.  In my mind,  there would not be anything to talk about.  I knew that I could ask him about his illness, and a few other conversational areas.

We finally found a time to visit.  It had to be outside,  due to John's illness and Covid. There was an opening in the weather that would finally permit an outside visit on his uncovered deck.  John was lively,  animated,  vivacious, and not at all what I expected of someone on Hospice!  And we had a lovely visit talking about things and people that the three of us had in common.   

I must admit that my own history of constant moving, for much of my life,  had not taught me the lesson I learned that day.   And that lesson is that it does not really matter if 30 or 50 years have passed,  people still have common ground,  memories,  stories to share.   John had never heard my stories of going into the ministry.  And that happened 32 years ago.

John had nearly died from the chemo and radiation treatments three years earlier.  They gave him months to live.  Three years have passed.  He manages,  though he has surely lost a lot of weight.

But I am grateful for having learned that the distance of years does not mean that a relationship of many years ago somehow completely vanishes, no matter how insignificant that relationship might have been.   People leave an impression,  a specific memory,  a lingering note of their presence.

That was a valuable lesson to learn.   One that I will remember hereafter.

Invisible Women

 I have just read an article in the Atlantic entitled The Invisibility of Older Women.  Mostly the article focuses on the way women are rendered invisible as they age.    The actress over 40 no longer gets plum roles.   The woman over 50 finds it difficult to get a job interview.    Women over 60 are diminished in value because they are beyond child bearing year,  and no longer the object of the male gaze.

Some women expressed a desire to walk down the street and just have their existence acknowledged.  This is not the same as the attention-getting a young woman might crave, in which the woman is more the object.   I am glad to be beyond the "object" stage of the female life.

I love this sentence by the author Akiko Busch:      "A subject is someone who experiences her own agency, who is aware of how she can and does have an impact on others, the author of her own life."

This is a stage of my life that I particularly relish.   I have agency.   I know who I am.   I have ability and competence.  I have creative power, speaking power, tenacity, intelligence.

And the really interesting thing is---there are often times when I choose to be invisible.   I do not really want to be seen.  I want to turn inward.  I don't want to want to be engaged with the world.

Certainly, I had many years of invisibility.   It was caused both by my culture,  and by my own lack of assertiveness.  In my first marriage,  I was completely invisible to the world, to my spouse, and most of all, to myself.  

 In my second marriage,  there have certainly been times when I have been known mostly by the name of my husband.   I would cringe when an envelope was addressed to:  Mrs. Gerald.   I detest that way of addressing a letter precisely because it makes me completely invisible, a footnote.  My spouse, on the other hand, would never consider me invisible.

In time,  I have become highly visible in my own right, primarily because I am capable, hard working, and creative.    Yet, still, I treasure my invisibility!

Now I am seventy five years old.   Only recently have I come to terms with my own body.  What I mean by that is I have recently chiseled out a body in which I am more comfortable.   It is easier to do physical activity, sit in a chair, walk two miles, play an hour of tennis, enjoy wearing nice clothes.

Visibility, like most things,  is a journey.  And sometimes even a choice!

My Birthday

    I am celebrating a very special birthday tomorrow.  Because it is an important milestone, my clever daughter cooked up a special birthday surprise.   She knew I would not really want a surprise party! 

  With help from Gerry they worked out this secret plan, where she put together a spread sheet, and he provided most of the names and addresses of my friends and loved ones.

    A couple of weeks ago, completely unknown to me,  she mailed to a group of people  (I do not know how many!!) a letter with postcards enclosed.  They were Postcards with my name and Happy Birthday, and the birthday number, with an address label and stamped.   Recipients only had to write a note and put it in the mailbox.   It read, 'share your Memories of Best Wishes.'   

   I then received in the mail the first four postcards.  They were from four different locations.  I could not for the life of me figure out how that had happened!  I was completely mystified.  I asked my daughter if she had a clue and she simply said:  "Keep checking your mailbox."  The postcards kept coming.  Many of them from a variety of places, and a broad spectrum of people,  though the majority were from people who know me because I served their churches as pastor in some capacity.

  The words and memories were overwhelmingly wonderful.  Such a joy to read.  If it had been an in-person party,  I would never have known what was in their minds and hearts.   But this offered a rare gift of hearing some of what people thought and felt.

   I will always keep the postcards, because they are so special!   If I  picked two words out of the many that the most people used to describe me,  what would they be?

 Most often, I was described as 

Creative and Kind!

    I'll take that gladly!!   I could not have picked two words that would have pleased me more!

    What a memorable birthday this is turning out to be.   And technically, it doesn't even arrive until tomorrow.

 

America 2021

           America 2021

O Beautiful for spacious skies,

for amber waves of grain;

divided now by red and blue,

we falter with the strain.

 

America, America,

God shed His grace of thee,

We are so sad, these tears we shed,

No longer are we free.

 

O beautiful the patriot dream,

That is no longer here;

So much is lost, so much is gone;

And now we live by fear.

 

America, America,

From sea to shining sea,

Farewell, dear friend,

We miss you so,  goodbye democracy! 

Nancy Rehkugler, June 16, 2021

David, A Musical

     As a lyricist, my composer friend and I have created many anthems, songs, programs which have been sung or performed at a local church, which has a very talented and sizeable choir.

    In 2019,  I was inspired by my desire to 'write a musical' and sat down and created just that:  David, The Musical.   Of course, I have no knowledge of, or experience in writing musicals,  but I looked up what the characteristics are,  after it was all done.   I do believe that it qualifies.

    It was intended to be performed as part of an Arts Series in the Fall of 2020.  Then came the Pandemic, so of course everything was cancelled.   Now, it seems that we might possibly be on track to see the realization of the dream this coming fall, 2021.   There is a local Troupe Troop which has bought in, and there are some experienced thespian types in that group.

    Act One is the back story, focusing on Saul and Samuel.  The elders of Israel gathered together to express that they wanted a king, like other countries had.

    That is where the story begins, with the song:  

So You Will Have A King

                              

So you want a king, do you?

Do you know what a king will do?

Let me tell you what is true!

 

God will take your sons

And make them work all day,

Driving chariots, feeding horses

Servants in the fields;

Runners, workers, slaves!

They will fight near and far;

A king will make them men of war!

 

A king will draft your daughters;

He’ll always have his way;

He’ll make them cooks and bakers too;

Slaving o’er the stove all day;

They’ll clean the palace, shine the gold;

Do exactly as they ‘re told.

 

So you want a king, do you?

Do you know what a king will do?

Let me tell you what is true!

 

A king will take your vineyards,

Your olive groves and fields.

He’ll take the best of everything;

Your sheep, cattle, offspring;

And bend them to his will.

 

Are you sure you want a king?

Let me tell you what is true.

If you do, there’ll be hell to pay;

You’ll cry out to the Lord all day.

He will not hear what you have to say.

 

From the Lord, you have turned away.

From the Lord you turned away.

 

StoryWorth Gift

     A year or so ago---either for Mothers Day or my Birthday--my youngest daughter gave me the best gift ever!   It was a subscription to StoryWorth.   

    The way it works is that the company sends you a question every week to answer.   (or you can choose your own question, which I usually did).   They are questions about your life, your experiences,  your memories,  your beliefs,  your accomplishments, your failures, and so forth.

    At the end of the time,  you have produced around a 200 page book about your life.   My book is entitled:   Nancy Rehkugler:  The Stories of My Life.   

    It was the perfect gift for me, as one who always enjoys writing.   The book also has assembled within it more about my personal history than most any place I can think of!

    The last question I answered was:   How Do You Want To Be Remembered?   

    A couple of other examples are:

What Do People Get Wrong About You?

What was your Wedding Like?

Describe your most memorable birthday.

What would you tell your three year old self.

What memories do you have of your grandparents?

    And so forth.   I think I might have answered about 50 questions!

    I have ordered my copy of the book,  which I wrote about my life over the course of a year!   Daughter who gave the gift may also order a copy, since it was her idea!

    I would observe that it all required quite a bit of personal reflection and insight.   When I edited and ordered my copy,  I scanned many of the answers to the questions I had given.   After reading the content,  I concluded that there were several themes that were repeated throughout.

One was how much I was affected in my childhood and youth by being 'shamed" by my parents about my weight and appearance.  That was devastating to my self-esteem and confidence, of which I had little in my early adult life.

Another theme was about how I eventually achieved a very happy marriage, of which I am really pleased and proud.

There is quite a bit in there about my calling to ministry, and the journey that required.

Included were quite a number of accounts of great challenges and struggles and difficulties to overcome, at every stage of my life.

And finally,  it is clear that by the senior years,  I have achieved great confidence and am able to see myself as the competent and creative person I am!

    It was a most fascinating experience.   I have done a lot of writing,  but precious little has included "the stories of my life."

I recommend this as a wonderful gift for anyone to give:  StoryWorth.com

 The Pandemic Year

For some reason,  during the past year,  I decided that I wanted to lose 30 pounds.  At first,  it was because I gained weight during the  three month shut-down.  Then after losing the first 10 pounds,  I decided to keep going and see if I could reach a new goal.

It has been a long and grueling process.  I would never have been able to do it with the usual social events involving food,  but during the past year,  none of those happened,  so I could make all my own foods, without the temptations of buffets or desserts or restaurant extravaganzas.   That has mostly been about salads, healthy new recipes, and doing without desserts or carbs.   I have become a Pinterest queen!  (a computer site for healthy recipes and ideas)    I so appreciate finding new recipes that I love!

Gerry also lost weight.   Both the content and the amount of our food consumption has drastically changed during this past year!

I am about to post the photo of me after the 30 pound loss.  As usual,  I am not at all happy with the way I look.   But I do feel so much better in my body,  and that was the primary goal!  I look and feel better in my clothes.   I have had to replace most of them.  I have also become a fairly skilled tailor,  one who alters!   Tops are the easiest.  I have altered several lined blazers,  but those are very difficult!

The first challenge is to maintain my weight loss.  I notice that most people who lose lots of weight gain it all back.   Just in case,  I have saved my favorite clothes in larger sizes!

The secondary goal is to lose another five pounds by the time of my 75th birthday,  which is coming up next month.     I hope I will manage to do that!

To Myself:     Nancy,  you can do whatever you set your mind to doing!!